Keeping Commitments

gemigirl68

I've been really good at keeping my commitment on workouts this month. That being said, I still feel kind of alone in this journey to better health. Every time my husband asks me about my workout, and what I did at the gym that day, he has to "one up" me. All I want is a "good job!" or "way to go!" Am I being too sensitive? I have a long way to go before I'm running a race but just a little encouragement at home would be nice. Thanks for letting me vent!

Terytha

Don't tell us that, tell him that!

You're 100% allowed to ask for what you need in terms of support and encouragement. Read him this exactly.

tinkerbellang83

I think @Terytha is right, in that you do need to discuss how his comments are making you feel.

However, I don't think it's ever a good idea to rely on friends and family for motivation with weight loss or fitness, their interest in my experience is usually fleeting, you need to be able to motivate yourself through good habits and discipline.

I have found it a lot easier since I stopped asking friends and family for motivation, if I need to rant or ask for opinions on fitness, nutrition, etc. The community here are the people I turn to, because they are either in the same boat or have already been there and been successful.

J72FIT

In what way does he one up you?

88olds

My view is a bit different than the conventional wisdom. I think we are better off working our own bubble. I’ve gotten plenty of support from my wife in terms of shopping and food prep, but I never get into the details.

I pursue a program that works for me. She pursues a program that pretty obviously does not work for her. But that’s her business.

I rarely discuss diet or exercise outside of the confines of the message boards. For whatever reason everyone seems to have an opinion and is willing to share it. It’s noise.

Do you believe you have a sound program? Do you believe you are progressing? What he thinks about it doesn’t matter. The rest is relationship stuff. Fight over the tv remote instead.

Jeter1777

My wife does the same thing. It might be that he’s a little un-comfortable with you getting better. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. Good luck. I just let it roll off my back now. Keep working.

LyndaBSS

Terytha wrote: »

Don't tell us that, tell him that!

You're 100% allowed to ask for what you need in terms of support and encouragement. Read him this exactly.

This exactly ^^^^^^

Husbands can't read our minds. If he hasn't been an "atta girl" kind of guy before, he's not going to know that's what you need now.

That said, "atta girl". 👍

AustinRuadhain

@gemigirl68 - That behavior isn't just your husband. Lots of people do that. Nothing to do with you or him.

I go to my husband and tell him -- "Will you please say "Great job!" to me! I just did X awesome workout, and I want to be acknowledged for that." Over time, by the way, he has gotten more likely to do this without my asking. But it was definitely a very clear request at the beginning, and I still make it sometimes.

And yes -- Go YOU, getting in those great workouts and keeping your commitment on workouts this month!

grimendale

Agreed with the above. Talk to him and tell him how what he's doing makes you feel. He might be feeling competitive, he might be jealous, he might be worried that he's losing you, he might be trying to connect by offering something similar to show he understands. Without communicating, there's no way for you to know, and there's no way for him to know he's upsetting you.