How can I stop comparing my body to other women's?

peachvine29

I am 26F and 5'7'', and have gone from 200 lbs. size 16 to 134 lbs. size 4. My goal is about 125 lbs. or so.

However, after this major fat loss I am now left with more self consciousness, body awareness, and comparison/envy issues than I ever have felt before.

I am constantly comparing my body to others. I went on a camping trip this weekend and swam and constantly compared my body to all of the other women's out there. I am left with stretch marks (not bad ones though) and slightly looser skin in my hips and breasts. I wish I had never been fat and hate that I'll have lifelong consequences. I was never taught healthy eating by my family. I worry my boyfriend finds others more attractive than me. I honestly felt me confident when I was heavier. I didn't realize the damage I was doing to my body or even know what I could look like if I lost body fat, I had so little awareness.

Now that I am almost done with my weight loss journey, I am left with an even more challenging task of body and self acceptance. Is it common to feel this way? How do I over come it?

George_of_the_Jungle

Relax a bit. Youre still very young and all of the looseness will recover in time as well. If you've got yourself a boyfriend that would leave you over such trivial things let him go. What you've already accomplished is quite a feat! There's a common misconception that this journey has an end. It does not. You hit a goal, then develop a new one. You're doing great so far, focus on the good, and everything else will fall in to place.

peachvine29

George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »

Relax a bit. Youre still very young and all of the looseness will recover in time as well. If you've got yourself a boyfriend that would leave you over such trivial things let him go. What you've already accomplished is quite a feat! There's a common misconception that this journey has an end. It does not. You hit a goal, then develop a new one. You're doing great so far, focus on the good, and everything else will fall in to place.

Thank you. My boyfriend started dating me when I was almost at my highest weight... He has also lost 90 lbs. at the same time as me (we both started losing weight separately when we broke up for a few months) and he has stretch marks, but I honestly don't find him any less attractive and loved him and thought he was super attractive at a heavier weight. So that gives me some solace. He still wanted to be with me when I was at my heaviest.

I guess I'll need to accept that this journey will never end, and that the mental and emotional journey will be just as hard if not harder. Relaxing will help.

pinuplove

peachvine29 wrote: »

George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »

Relax a bit. Youre still very young and all of the looseness will recover in time as well. If you've got yourself a boyfriend that would leave you over such trivial things let him go. What you've already accomplished is quite a feat! There's a common misconception that this journey has an end. It does not. You hit a goal, then develop a new one. You're doing great so far, focus on the good, and everything else will fall in to place.

Thank you. My boyfriend started dating me when I was almost at my highest weight... He has also lost 90 lbs. at the same time as me (we both started losing weight when we broke up for a few months) and he has stretch marks, but I honestly don't find him any less attractive and loved him and thought he was super attractive at a heavier weight. So that gives me some solace. He still wanted to be with me when I was at my heaviest.

I guess I'll need to accept that this journey will never end, and that the mental and emotional journey will be just as hard if not harder. Relaxing will help.

Read the bolded but replace him with her (you) and read it in your boyfriend's voice.

What you're feeling is, I suspect, akin to how I felt after my first baby was born. I wasn't prepared for the changes to my body. Nobody really talks about that. It has taken a good long while (he started college today ) but I've learned to love and accept those changes. You are more than your body, and in particular more than your perceived imperfections.

TheChristianSimone

So either accept a life long plight of never full operating at optimal or move forward. Even the pretty girls have issues as they are treated as objects not people.

Boyfriends come and go but you must live with you, a always constant.

glovepuppet

I got the stretch marks & loose skin and lost the gravity defying boobs with my first child, in my early 20s. I know how that feels, especially with all the "perfect" bodies in the media. But it never seemed to make a difference to any boyfriend.

You could treat yourself to really good lingerie. Like makeup, it enhances the good and disguises the rest.

snickerscharlie

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Focus on what you have achieved. You should pat yourself on the back - even if there's loose skin there.

Terytha

Every part of your life as it is now is the result of choices you've made. And some parts maybe suck, but a lot of them are wonderful.

Those women you compare yourself to, they have their own regrets and sucky parts. The only reasonable comparison is that you are exactly the same, doing your best with what you have, ups and downs.

LyndaBSS

I have scars. I love them. I'm 61 and I've earned every one. They tell a story about my life and are proof that I'm a survivor. One of my doctors wanted to refer me to a plastic surgeon and I told him if he had anybody touch my scars, he'd need a plastic surgeon of his own. 😁

I also have an amputated toe. I love that because it grosses my brothers out when I walk around barefoot.

whmscll

I am 5’’4” and 123 pounds; one pound from goal. I still compare myself to others. But what I have learned to do is let that *kitten* go after I’ve thought it. There are so many ways I could still be unhappy with my body; you will ALWAYS find something that doesn’t “measure up” when comparing to others. You need to do you. Celebrate your successes and the fact that you’ve taken steps to be HEALTHIER while you’re still young and with your whole life still ahead. There are probably people out there comparing themselves to you and wishing they had lost weight earlier in life.

smolmaus

I've felt the same way at 150lb and >100lb. Our body is not the problem.

I've curated all my social media to move away from celebrating thinness and weight loss towards body positivity and found it is helping, or at least it's not getting worse. No more #bodygoals, or before and afters or top-tips-to-lose-bellyfat. It's brain poison. I do still follow some people for weightlifting routines or recipes so not moving away from health and fitness completely but only keep those who spark joy, as it were

Jameela Jamil and the I-Weigh movement might be a good jumping off point. We'd like to think we're unaffected by what's scrolling through our feeds but it seeps in.

willsundaydnd

Congrats on the amazing weight loss! I want to say that I don’t think you should worry about relationship problems related to your weight-I know from my experience that that appearance is not really the issue when you have problems with a husband/boyfriend(or with wife/girlfriend). There are so many other issues that are more important/problematic , but if you both have a happy outlook on life, and generally respect each other, you shouldn’t have many problems. I know in my case I am much happier with a girlfriend who is fun to be around and who shares her joy in life with me but had a (whatever physical flaw you want to name.)

I also don’t think it’s necessarily unhealthy to compare yourself to others-for example I would love to have defined abs and I am jealous of guys my age who have them-but I don’t think more about it than just a few seconds or get depressed that I don’t have them. One last thought-I think that when you get older, you become more comfortable with your body so you may find that you don’t worry about it as much-probably related to experience understanding that a persons appearance is only a small part of their attractiveness😊

tonygermano2

The Facade is only one small part of a whole building. The insides matter too. There is a lot of mental aspect to weight gain and loss. It’s okay to think about it and deal with it. Don’t let it consume you though. If you always were who you are, then you will be who you are. If your BF loved who you were, and you were who you are, then he will love who you are ......