“Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

J_Fabulous

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been captivated by the Tier One Special Mission Units. I’m fascinated by how these men accomplish the impossible. They are the most skilled, driven, and toughest men in the world. I’ve always fantasized about being so hard-hitting and proficient that I could handle any situation I encountered in life.

My library is filled with books written by and written about these special men. Recently, I read one such book written by a former United States Navy Seal which bluntly crystalized why some people can reach any goal they set out to achieve.

The first point of the book was that personal growth comes from adversity. I agreed with this since my personal growth and strength has been forged by my pain. The second point was that when people achieve their goals, they become complacent and comfortable to enjoy the fruits of their labor. People stop growing and don’t achieve their full potential. Nobody has ever had personal growth or achieved their full potential by sleeping an extra hour or sitting on the couch watching television. Since personal growth comes from adversity, we need to make our own adversity by constantly challenging ourselves to get out of our comfort zone. One of the mantras in the book is, “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

This philosophy was in stark contrast to the way I was brought up. My parents had a victim mentality and blamed everything that happened to them on other people. It did not matter whether it was personal or professional. They believed the world was out to get them and they never reflected on their role in the situation. Victims are not successful people. They allow life to happen to them. Victims do not take charge of their lives. I saw how helpless my parents appeared to be. At a very young age, I vowed not to be like them.

They alienated friends and family for what they perceived were insults or being used. My father blamed his heart attack on the stress his manager at work placed on him and not on his poor health. My parents didn’t know how to take responsibility for their actions. They didn’t know how to take control of their lives – they were too busy just trying to survive and living paycheck to paycheck.

I was severely bullied in school. I was thrown through plate glass windows, I was punched and kicked, I was made fun of and teased. My parents saw the blood and knew I was being bullied but they were impotent to doing anything about it. They had the victim’s mentality. My parents apologized to my principal because a bully through me through a glass door which naturally shattered and almost killed me.

I have never believed in being a victim and always been very deliberate about decisions I’ve made in my life to achieve the success I enjoy. It made me sad to see my parents fall into that easy trap. I’ve always believed that you must take responsibility for your actions and do whatever you can to succeed.

It took me 50 years, but I did it – I got to the top of the mountain. Now what? I took an inventory of my needs and life goals. Based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, I had made it to the top – or had I?

I have food, water, warmth, and rest. I live in a safe neighborhood. I have a family and friends who provide me a sense of belonging. I certainly have a sense of accomplishment based on my career and volunteer work and after all the therapy and journaling, I think I know myself well enough to say that I have achieved self-actualization. I’m about as comfortable in my life as I have ever been. So, what’s missing? A part of self-actualization is achieving one’s full potential. Have I achieved my full potential?

In addition to the abuse at home, my self-esteem was further lowered by the realization that I did not know how to fight or throw a punch. Even if I had known, I did not have the physical strength to inflect any discomfort to my opponent. Unlike my parents, I knew that in every situation, I had to take responsibility for my role. Therefore, I didn’t feel like I was a victim, but I felt helpless and a prisoner of my circumstances because I couldn’t escape my parent’s abuse or learn to protect myself in school.

After reading the book I had a decision to make. Was I going to use this information to improve myself and my life, or was I going to decide that I had achieved enough in life and learning how to fight at the age of 51 was ridiculous? Was I going to go down the path to self-actualization and achieving my full potential? I had never needed to know how to fight as an adult and my bully days were over.

After thinking about it, I decided that I still had work to do. I still needed to lose weight and I needed to learn how to defend myself. These two things would build my confidence. Even if I never need to defend myself, just knowing I could handle a situation if it were to arise, would help me walk down the street with my head held high. Losing weight would let me know that I am able to achieve any goal no matter how hard, if I decide to do it. Once I master these two things, I will be unstoppable in life.

As a reward or capstone to having achieved so much from so little I want to learn how to fight. It would pay homage to that little boy who was bleeding and crying while lying in the fetal position on the ground. I’ve been thinking about some sort of self-defense or martial arts class for a few years but was always resistant because I didn’t relish the pain of getting hit while sparing. But as I had learned in life, personal growth is only forged through pain and discomfort.

I embraced that philosophy it seemed like I could move forward. I looked up self-defense class is in my area. I found several classes for Krav Maga and a couple of fight clubs. I contacted these places to get a feel for what they might be like. Then I saw a website that spoke directly to me. I had always fantasized about being able to hire a Tier One operator to teach me how to fight, be vigilant, and in general, be a badass. The website said that the company was made up of former members of the Combat Applications Group (aka Delta Force) and the United States Army Special Forces (aka Green Berets). They taught self-defense and fitness.

Immediately my mind started to race, and I saw myself being proficient in hand-to-hand and close quarters combat, situational awareness, weapons, and driving. I called the number on the screen and left a message. A week went by and I didn’t hear back. I assumed this was some sort of Jedi mind trick – a test. If I wanted it bad enough, I’d keep calling until I got a response. So that’s what I did and ended up talking to Nick.

He spent a lot of time on the phone with me getting to know me and helping me understand what he does. He gave me the impression that he was not one of those hard charging overzealous drill sergeants that but rather a kind and caring teacher who had the ability to assess each student’s unique needs. My head exploded when he told me the program was developed by a guy in CAG.

So, I started training with him and got really into it. What guy doesn’t want to be a badass? I have always admired special operators and wondered what it would be like to be that tough. Now I had the opportunity to experience some of this and find out for myself. It is funny that Nick didn’t know anything about the book I had read, but he started saying the same things to me as motivation that I had read in the book.

I have been training with Nick for two hours a day, four days a week. I’ve been learning to be uncomfortable. I’ve been learning to enjoy the pain – because I’ve earned it.

Do I like waking up at 5:00 am to go workout for two hours before work? Do I enjoy thinking about situational awareness everywhere I go? Do I love training to fight so hard that my body is stiff, sore and in pain more days than not? Do I enjoy denying myself empty calories? Do I relish eating the same meals every day?

No, I don’t enjoy any of those things, but I do it because I’m challenging myself to be a better person – to be tough and skilled individual with the physical and mental capabilities to handle any situation. More importantly, I do it to set an example for my two sons. I don’t do these things perfectly. Sometimes I make poor food choices or chose to not do my drills, but I accept that I am human, and I will make mistakes. The important thing is that I don’t beat myself up over the past, even if the past was just five minutes ago. I look forward and move in that direction.