UPDATE, IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED
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@sefajane1 I would rather be discussing this via PM, but last time I tried to send you one you didn't get it!
Dear lurker: Below I will discussing the death of someone from malnutrition. You may want to avoid reading if you're not in the mental frame for something like that.
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At some point during severe enough malnutrition the scales may stop accurately reflecting what is happening.
Edema can actually increase your weight while you're dying from lack of adequate intake, and edema seems to be quite common when body organs start to fail.
Based on your eating and activity history this past year you are heading there unless you start acting as opposed to just observing.
When a close relative of mine died of cancer induced malnutrition in February she looked thin but not extremely thin. Her BMI would have been considered "normal". Of course most of her "body" consisted of ascites and edema.
Worrying about being a burden to the NHS is a cop-out, and you're smart enough to know it.
Maybe you would not qualify. Maybe they would be too slow to help. If that's the case, then you can't do anything about it. But lifting your hands and saying I don't want to be a burden to them? No lady: that's neither your business, nor should it be your concern!
YOUR business and concern is fighting for your life regardless of who that burdens, and you're just not, to date, attaining the level of fight you need to!
Do you have the resources to engage privately with a therapist in another country via web/video/phone/tele-medicine? Do you have relatives and friends in Turkey or even back home? What is their take on all this?
I went to NEDA's web site https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/. They have online chat with volunteers who can connect you with resources. They have a provider page (find treatment on the left hand sidebar). 2/2 providers I randomly clicked on offer phone/video based therapy. NEDA has support forums and even a slack group...
Randomly off the internet: 7cups.com (therapy bot to hook you up: https://www.7cups.com/member/connect/conversation.php?c=Sophia)
Based on a quora answer: DoctorInsta - Android. Also I would consider YourDost where they don't mention ED's but they do *seem* to hook you up with Psychologists in India at less than 70 Turkish Lira an hour for a video call. https://yourdost.com/bookAppointment I would do some vetting, of course as to who I would be dealing with...37 -
Big hugs1
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I have nothing to add except that Pav, as usual, nailed it.5
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@sefajane1 I would rather be discussing this via PM, but last time I tried to send you one you didn't get it!
@PAV8888 my understanding is that you now have to be "friends" in order to get PMs - did you first try sending her a friend request?1 -
kshama2001 wrote: »@sefajane1 I would rather be discussing this via PM, but last time I tried to send you one you didn't get it!
@PAV8888 my understanding is that you now have to be "friends" in order to get PMs - did you first try sending her a friend request?
Very recent? I got a message from PAV on 8/4, and we're not friends . . . I mean, technically, on MFP not friends, because obviously I think he's swell.
IME, PM is not super reliable, friends or no.6 -
I've sent out PM's before and some people responded while others did not--but I didn't consider that they might not have received the message! I stopped adding friends a few years back, so it would make me sad if this is a new requirement!0
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I've sent out PM's before and some people responded while others did not--but I didn't consider that they might not have received the message! I stopped adding friends a few years back, so it would make me sad if this is a new requirement!
If only @CyberTone were still providing tech support...3 -
@sefajane1 I would rather be discussing this via PM, but last time I tried to send you one you didn't get it!
Dear lurker: Below I will discussing the death of someone from malnutrition. You may want to avoid reading if you're not in the mental frame for something like that.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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At some point during severe enough malnutrition the scales may stop accurately reflecting what is happening.
Edema can actually increase your weight while you're dying from lack of adequate intake, and edema seems to be quite common when body organs start to fail.
Based on your eating and activity history this past year you are heading there unless you start acting as opposed to just observing.
When a close relative of mine died of cancer induced malnutrition in February she looked thin but not extremely thin. Her BMI would have been considered "normal". Of course most of her "body" consisted of ascites and edema.
Worrying about being a burden to the NHS is a cop-out, and you're smart enough to know it.
Maybe you would not qualify. Maybe they would be too slow to help. If that's the case, then you can't do anything about it. But lifting your hands and saying I don't want to be a burden to them? No lady: that's neither your business, nor should it be your concern!
YOUR business and concern is fighting for your life regardless of who that burdens, and you're just not, to date, attaining the level of fight you need to!
Do you have the resources to engage privately with a therapist in another country via web/video/phone/tele-medicine? Do you have relatives and friends in Turkey or even back home? What is their take on all this?
I went to NEDA's web site https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/. They have online chat with volunteers who can connect you with resources. They have a provider page (find treatment on the left hand sidebar). 2/2 providers I randomly clicked on offer phone/video based therapy. NEDA has support forums and even a slack group...
Randomly off the internet: 7cups.com (therapy bot to hook you up: https://www.7cups.com/member/connect/conversation.php?c=Sophia)
Based on a quora answer: DoctorInsta - Android. Also I would consider YourDost where they don't mention ED's but they do *seem* to hook you up with Psychologists in India at less than 70 Turkish Lira an hour for a video call. https://yourdost.com/bookAppointment I would do some vetting, of course as to who I would be dealing with...
Thank you @PAV8888, I contacted all of those organisations that you mentioned, plus a couple of UK based ones. I had 3 webchats. I can't afford to pay for therapy or expensive calls to the US so that rules most out, straight away but beatuk did point me to their live weekly forum support group. The next one is tomorrow. If I'm back from my endocrinology appointment early enough then I will join in on that group 👍18 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »
No way am I eating at or anywhere near maintenance. I know the MFP rules/guidelines on these matters so I'm not going to say what my daily calorie intake is but it is NOT maintenance.
Using the past 8 weeks data my maintenance works out at 1700 calories/day. I'm consuming considerably less than that. I'm expecting a whoosh any day now.
I'm sorry. I really misunderstood your initial post in this thread. I thought when you said you realized that you needed to see a mental health professional that you had accepted that you needed to gain weight, and that when you said you didn't understand why your BMI was the same it was because you thought it should be going up. But this sounds like you're still trying/hoping to lose more weight??
If that's the case, please, please let any medical professional you see know this, including the endocrinologist.
And please, please take to heart PAV8888's message about fighting for your life.13 -
I don't know what I can or can't say on here that'll not get my account deleted (it happened before, about 5 years ago) because I'm really NOT advocating/encouraging/whatever VLCD/eating disorders.
My head is in an absolute spin at tbe moment.
I've got the endocrinology appointment tomorrow morning to investigate my thyroid nodule. I should tell them about my eating problem.
I've got my dad coming to stay for almost 4 weeks in 6 days time.
I've got my psych' appointment on tbe 16th.
Since I made tge psych' appointment I've been trying to get a lower BMI - Just be ause I can.
I know tomorrow I'll have to mention ny eating/weight.
This scares me, so much.
I'm convincing myself that if I don't mention it tomorrow and make sure I eat more when my dad's here (for 26 fooking days!) when I'll consume more calories) I can see where my weight is at after tgat and tgen decide whetger to see tge psychiatrist.
I know that if I have tge psych' appointment on the 16th that I'll continue my quest for downward until then and during my dad's stay because, whats the point if going and then showing a weight gainm? They wont take me seriously and i may lose my chance of getting help.
I think its best to wait, see wgere im at after my dad goes home, see how i feel about eating and THEN see if i need any help.
Sorry, if this makes no sense, im just panicking about tomorrow and what it may lead to and also telling my husband of the change of plan. I needed to get it out, IYKWIM?11 -
Too many typo's, I apologise 😔2
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I don't know what I can or can't say on here that'll not get my account deleted (it happened before, about 5 years ago) because I'm really NOT advocating/encouraging/whatever VLCD/eating disorders.
My head is in an absolute spin at tbe moment.
I've got the endocrinology appointment tomorrow morning to investigate my thyroid nodule. I should tell them about my eating problem.
I've got my dad coming to stay for almost 4 weeks in 6 days time.
I've got my psych' appointment on tbe 16th.
Since I made tge psych' appointment I've been trying to get a lower BMI - Just be ause I can.
I know tomorrow I'll have to mention ny eating/weight.
This scares me, so much.
I'm convincing myself that if I don't mention it tomorrow and make sure I eat more when my dad's here (for 26 fooking days!) when I'll consume more calories) I can see where my weight is at after tgat and tgen decide whetger to see tge psychiatrist.
I know that if I have tge psych' appointment on the 16th that I'll continue my quest for downward until then and during my dad's stay because, whats the point if going and then showing a weight gainm? They wont take me seriously and i may lose my chance of getting help.
I think its best to wait, see wgere im at after my dad goes home, see how i feel about eating and THEN see if i need any help.
Sorry, if this makes no sense, im just panicking about tomorrow and what it may lead to and also telling my husband of the change of plan. I needed to get it out, IYKWIM?
I understand what you're trying to say.
A temporary weight gain during your father's visit does not mean your relationship with food was fixed.
Please do continue seeking help.12 -
P. S.
MFP moderators, if you do think that this thread is inappropriate could you please let before blocking me? I've got all "My foods" stored and loads of "recipes" that I need. If I don't have the info' for them then I'll just have to bin the foods that I'm storing/have frozen. Please just gibe me a change to manually write all the nutritional data out.9 -
I don't know what I can or can't say on here that'll not get my account deleted (it happened before, about 5 years ago) because I'm really NOT advocating/encouraging/whatever VLCD/eating disorders.
My head is in an absolute spin at tbe moment.
I've got the endocrinology appointment tomorrow morning to investigate my thyroid nodule. I should tell them about my eating problem.
I've got my dad coming to stay for almost 4 weeks in 6 days time.
I've got my psych' appointment on tbe 16th.
Since I made tge psych' appointment I've been trying to get a lower BMI - Just be ause I can.
I know tomorrow I'll have to mention ny eating/weight.
This scares me, so much.
I'm convincing myself that if I don't mention it tomorrow and make sure I eat more when my dad's here (for 26 fooking days!) when I'll consume more calories) I can see where my weight is at after tgat and tgen decide whetger to see tge psychiatrist.
I know that if I have tge psych' appointment on the 16th that I'll continue my quest for downward until then and during my dad's stay because, whats the point if going and then showing a weight gainm? They wont take me seriously and i may lose my chance of getting help.
I think its best to wait, see wgere im at after my dad goes home, see how i feel about eating and THEN see if i need any help.
Sorry, if this makes no sense, im just panicking about tomorrow and what it may lead to and also telling my husband of the change of plan. I needed to get it out, IYKWIM?
I'm so very, very sorry that this is so difficult for you. Your initial plan - to tell your doctor tomorrow about issues with eating/weight - that is a better plan. Sometimes "more difficult" is "better". This is one of those times.
Your mind and body keep finding reasons why you should keep losing weight, but you're already dangerously thin, with an orientation to food and eating that isn't healthy for you. That's a thing to talk with your doctor about, because it's affecting your health. Your doctor's visit will document where your weight is now, if your psychiatrist has any doubts . . . but I think when you explain how you're thinking about this to the psychiatrist, s/he will recognize what's needed in order for you to be healthier, regardless of exactly where your weight is at the time. (You will not make massive gains between now and the 16th, no matter what you do, anyway.)
The "eat more while your dad is here" idea is a good one, but it seems like you've told yourself in the past that you'd eat enough more . . . but it somehow didn't happen that way.
Please, please find a way to completely and honestly talk with the doctor tomorrow. See the psychiatrist as scheduled. So many of us here would like to see you take steps toward better health and happiness. You can do it!15 -
Thank you both for responding, I'm just so scared right now. And I know if I don't have the psychiatrist appointment looming over me, i can relax a bit because, no dealine. If I've got a deadline then I'll stick to it, whatever.
I want to enjoy my dads stay, not be worrying about "proving" im worthy of/need help.
I'm sorry, I really appreciate your help, I'm just really stressed about going forward10 -
Please tell your doctor tomorrow. They'll be able to see that you're emaciated, but you also need to be honest with them.
You also don't need to "prove" you're sick enough. You've already done that -- you're at a BMI that could literally kill you. You're at a level that most facilities would admit you for.
Can you try to just hold steady for now? AND keep your psychiatrist appointment. It's not an either/or.12 -
collectingblues wrote: »Please tell your doctor tomorrow. They'll be able to see that you're emaciated, but you also need to be honest with them.
You also don't need to "prove" you're sick enough. You've already done that -- you're at a BMI that could literally kill you. You're at a level that most facilities would admit you for.
Can you try to just hold steady for now? AND keep your psychiatrist appointment. It's not an either/or.
But to me it is. Either I commit to getting help now and don't enjoy my dads stay or I wait it out, relax and see where im at next month, without wasting anyone's time.
I think I'll be in a better place after having him here, then, maybe I won't need any outside help.0 -
collectingblues wrote: »Please tell your doctor tomorrow. They'll be able to see that you're emaciated, but you also need to be honest with them.
You also don't need to "prove" you're sick enough. You've already done that -- you're at a BMI that could literally kill you. You're at a level that most facilities would admit you for.
Can you try to just hold steady for now? AND keep your psychiatrist appointment. It's not an either/or.
But to me it is. Either I commit to getting help now and don't enjoy my dads stay or I wait it out, relax and see where im at next month, without wasting anyone's time.
I think I'll be in a better place after having him here, then, maybe I won't need any outside help.
Commit to getting help. Your dad will understand.
You know things won't be better next month -- because they weren't better this month, and they weren't last month, and they weren't when you first started posting.
Don't look for a cop out.25 -
collectingblues wrote: »Please tell your doctor tomorrow. They'll be able to see that you're emaciated, but you also need to be honest with them.
You also don't need to "prove" you're sick enough. You've already done that -- you're at a BMI that could literally kill you. You're at a level that most facilities would admit you for.
Can you try to just hold steady for now? AND keep your psychiatrist appointment. It's not an either/or.
But to me it is. Either I commit to getting help now and don't enjoy my dads stay or I wait it out, relax and see where im at next month, without wasting anyone's time.
I think I'll be in a better place after having him here, then, maybe I won't need any outside help.
Please, talk to your doctor tomorrow. You can still enjoy your dad's visit, and get to a better place while your dad is here. But you should still pursue the psychiatrist appointment, too. This has been a long-term, persistent problem area for you. To reverse that situation, to improve your health, it's vital to make some changes in behavior and attitudes. You need help with that, and there's no shame or blame in getting that help. Health protection and improvement is doctors' (including psychiatrists') role in our lives.
Take some deep breaths, slowly; try to settle the agitation and anxiety if you can. Take one day at a time, for what it: Doctor's appointment, dad's visit, psychiatrist appointment, each at their own time. You can do this! :flowerforyou:
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