How do you change your environment?
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FSSxo3
Posts: 3 Member
My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds. Mfp gave me a daily goal of 1380cals. These calories are enough for me. I don’t feel deprived or anything. I also workout. The problem is my environment. No one support my goals. My family don’t listen to me. Whenever I tell them I don’t wanna eat unhealthy, they end up asking me all over again do you want it? At the end I give up and eat it. Which later leads to binging.... idk wat to do. In the past I failed so many times. I dnt even remember how many times I failed. it’s because i can’t resist temptation. Idk wat to do. I start eating healthy and do it for maximum 3 weeks and something happens, I binge and I start again and it’s a constant cycle...😞 obvs I cant blame my parents for bringing junk food. They bring it cause of my brother. He likes them. Ugh the struggle is real....
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Replies
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Welcome to the community!
If you haven't already, read the stickies at the top of the getting started forum. Very informative and helpful.
You have to want it bad enough. Sit down with your parents and tell them how much you intend to lose and that you wish to do it in a healthy way? How old are you?
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How old are you?
It sounds like changing your environment would mean moving out. If you can't change your environment, or even if you can, you need to change yourself. Be confident in saying no to foods that put you over your goal. Learn moderation so that you can have a small amount of those higher calorie foods or eat them one day a week and then get right back on track.My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds. Mfp gave me a daily goal of 1380cals. These calories are enough for me. I don’t feel deprived or anything. I also workout. The problem is my environment. No one support my goals. My family don’t listen to me. Whenever I tell them I don’t wanna eat unhealthy, they end up asking me all over again do you want it? At the end I give up and eat it. Which later leads to binging.... idk wat to do. In the past I failed so many times. I dnt even remember how many times I failed. it’s because i can’t resist temptation. Idk wat to do. I start eating healthy and do it for maximum 3 weeks and something happens, I binge and I start again and it’s a constant cycle...😞 obvs I cant blame my parents for bringing junk food. They bring it cause of my brother. He likes them. Ugh the struggle is real....
Sometimes focusing too much on healthy is what sets people up for failure. Some people don't do well with moderation and have to cut out foods they love. But for others, including myself, working in smaller portions are important to not feeling deprived and being able to stay on track.
Log everything! Every food every day. This for me is the biggest motivator to stay on track. Pre-logging is hugely important to helping me avoid overeating.2 -
Welcome to the community!
If you haven't already, read the stickies at the top of the getting started forum. Very informative and helpful.
You have to want it bad enough. Sit down with your parents and tell them how much you intend to lose and that wish to do it in a healthy way? How old are you?
Thank u! x I really want it. I told them so many times but they dnt care. Their point is just because you trying it eat healthy, they dnt have to and stuff. It’s so frustrating! I’m 19 years old. I’m Asian so I’m not allowed to move out yet.1 -
How old are you?
It sounds like changing your environment would mean moving out. If you can't change your environment, or even if you can, you need to change yourself. Be confident in saying no to foods that put you over your goal. Learn moderation so that you can have a small amount of those higher calorie foods or eat them one day a week and then get right back on track.My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds. Mfp gave me a daily goal of 1380cals. These calories are enough for me. I don’t feel deprived or anything. I also workout. The problem is my environment. No one support my goals. My family don’t listen to me. Whenever I tell them I don’t wanna eat unhealthy, they end up asking me all over again do you want it? At the end I give up and eat it. Which later leads to binging.... idk wat to do. In the past I failed so many times. I dnt even remember how many times I failed. it’s because i can’t resist temptation. Idk wat to do. I start eating healthy and do it for maximum 3 weeks and something happens, I binge and I start again and it’s a constant cycle...😞 obvs I cant blame my parents for bringing junk food. They bring it cause of my brother. He likes them. Ugh the struggle is real....
Sometimes focusing too much on healthy is what sets people up for failure. Some people don't do well with moderation and have to cut out foods they love. But for others, including myself, working in smaller portions are important to not feeling deprived and being able to stay on track.
Log everything! Every food every day. This for me is the biggest motivator to stay on track. Pre-logging is hugely important to helping me avoid overeating.
Thank you. I’m 19 years old. I’m not allowed to move out yet. I want to but just can’t cause of my parents. The thing is whenever I eat something that’s not healthy even in moderation, it makes me want to eat more of it. Most of the time this leads to binging... not having it altogether has worked for me but cause of the environment it makes it hard.0 -
People are mostly the same whether they are 2, 18, or 40. If you tell a child no and then give in when they keep asking, you train them to be persistent. The same applies to your parents. You have trained them that persistently asking will get you to eat. I'm guessing it's a cultural thing that they really want you to eat.
So, now, you have the harder task of changing the training. Try saying no once and then removing yourself if they ask again. Say "I need to study" and go to your room. Or, head out to run an errand or exercise. Try to pick activities that they would approve of you doing to reduce conflict.
Never eat these foods when they ask more than once. Never. You can eat them on the first ask if they fit your plan for the day or eat them if they haven't asked, but never when they ask repeatedly.
Good luck!13 -
Practice this: No, thank you.
Don't offer excuses for them to counter, just say no and leave it at that. If they persist, No, I don't want it right now.
Also, don't fall into the trap that "healthy" is a 100% sure thing. Allow yourself occasional treats within your calorie goals.
If you still find yourself actually binging (vs overeating occasionally), seek therapy.9 -
no offense, but you are an adult now. I left "the nest" when I was 19 and never lived with my parents again.6
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You need to be more specific in your way of communicating. Even here it is unclear what you are trying to avoid. Most food has nutrition that we need which makes it healthy.
You can have a food that is not healthy for you. If it causes a medical problem or causes you to overeat it may be something you need to avoid. It is important to communicate it this way because when someone offers you a bag of potato chips and you declare it "unhealthy" you are making it seem like a judgment on their choices.
The best way not to lose an argument is not to engage in one though. Simply say that you are not hungry or not in the mood for whatever you are trying to avoid. You could even say "Maybe later."
You cannot expect to change your environment. You have to change yourself and adapt to it. The temptations don't go away when you move out.1 -
If moving out is not possible (I moved out at 17, but that was to live on campus at college, which was far from where my parents lived), then you just have to accept and deal with the environment you are in.
You cannot expect other people to care about or support your goals. For the most part when I was losing I didn't even tell others I was doing it.
If people are offering you food you don't want to eat, the answer is "no thank you."
If you are buying/making your own food, what others eat or offer you should not matter. If you are relying on your family to provide your food, then you either need to change that or focus on portion control.
Re temptation, the trick is reminding yourself why your goals are important to you. Think of foods for your brother that you don't want to eat as your brother's food, and that eating it would be eating something that is not for you. My sister lived with me for a while and had lots of food that I didn't eat and it never crossed my mind to do so, since it was hers.2 -
"I’m 19 years old. I’m Asian so I’m not allowed to move out yet. "
okay... youre not in asia (I am assuming) so ... yes you can. They might not like it but they can not stop you, either. My e3x was japanese. he and ALL his siblings moved out before they even reached 18. The parents did not like it. they got over it.
YOU control what you eat. they do NOT. They are not pinning you to the floor force feeding you.
There is no such thing as good food and bad food. Only foods with more or less nutritional value. Eat within your calories and you will lose weight, regardless of what that food is.1 -
My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds. Mfp gave me a daily goal of 1380cals. These calories are enough for me. I don’t feel deprived or anything. I also workout. The problem is my environment. No one support my goals. My family don’t listen to me. Whenever I tell them I don’t wanna eat unhealthy, they end up asking me all over again do you want it? At the end I give up and eat it. Which later leads to binging.... idk wat to do. In the past I failed so many times. I dnt even remember how many times I failed. it’s because i can’t resist temptation. Idk wat to do. I start eating healthy and do it for maximum 3 weeks and something happens, I binge and I start again and it’s a constant cycle...😞 obvs I cant blame my parents for bringing junk food. They bring it cause of my brother. He likes them. Ugh the struggle is real....
One of the most useful things I ever learned (in a mangement training class, of all places): When faced with a situation that is not going well from my perspective, I need to ask myself what I personally have done to create, promote or allow that situation.
The answers to those question reveal the areas where I personally have influence or control over the situation. Those are levers I have to create change.
In your case, as you've explained your social and cultural context, you can't change the fact that at age 19 you are living with your parents. (Some of the other respondents are skeptical, but I'll accept that premise, for the sake of discussion.)
In the quoted post above, I bolded things that I'd argue you personally influence or control. Evidently you're able to eat healthily, to start with. No one is holding you down and forcing food into your mouth, beyond that healthy level. So, refuse food beyond what you need, politely but firmly, keeping it simple. Stick to that. You control that.
I'm sorry to say it, but blaming someone else is a convenient excuse. There's a decent chance that changing your behavior will influence your parents to behave differently, too. That's not guaranteed, of course. But I agree with the person who posted above that by giving in to their pressure you're "training" them to keep pressuring you, because eventually it pays off.
You can do this. It's part of maturing, and becoming a full adult, responsible to and for yourself. Good wishes!14 -
Firstly, Learning to say no, and not turn it into a negotiation is important. A simple "no, thank you, I'm not hungry" can work quite well. As soon as you start to try to explain 'why' then you are opening yourself up to having to defend your reasons.
Secondly, it sounds like you may be over-restricting rather than learning portion control. The comments about binge-eating tell me that you are restricting yourself to "healthy" foods rather than learning how to incorporate the things you love into your calorie allotment. Since you're binge eating, it doesn't seem like restriction is working, so learning to eat small amounts of the high-calorie (but delicious) foods may be better for you (each person is different in this regard).
Thirdly, you CAN leave. I grew up in a very religious, conservative home, and was convinced I "couldn't" leave until certain things happened. My parents did a good job of twisting facts and numbers to support this idea. My younger sister proved all of those ideas to be false - everything my parents had convinced me of, she proved them wrong (such as "you can't afford it, you'll have to give up your pets, you can't get a good enough job, your credit isn't good enough to rent a house, you can't do college while living on your own - etc, etc). Where there is a will, there is a way.
You may choose to stay at home, which is fine, but admit to yourself that it is YOUR choice, and own up to that choice. By doing so, you can also empower yourself to live how you want to while still living in your parents home. Or, you can choose to change your situation. It may not be easy, but it can be done.12 -
I agree with you that it is harder to be successful when temptation surrounds you. It is for me anyway. I’m fortunate that there’s very little treat food in my house, and when there is, I’m more likely to exceed my calorie goal.
I think you’ve received some good advice about saying no, but assuming you still find you give in to temptation more than you would like, I have two suggestions for you to consider. First, can you up your calorie goal and lose the weight slower? It’s easier to say no to treats when you’ve got enough calories in you. Second, be gentle with yourself when you cave. The real key to losing weight is persistence, and beating yourself up can lead to quitting.3 -
I keep my environment clean by throwing away as much bad food as possible. When I was at home, I did that a lot.
If people offered me food, I’d tell them I’d eat it later. Then later I’d put it down the toilet, or take a walk and bin it. It avoided any interrogation about my diet.3 -
Family issues aside, I think a lot of people fall into the trap of thinking that losing weight is entirely reliant on willpower. It’s not. You need to develop the habits that will make willpower unnecessary.
I find it easiest to put all my focus on a single day. So, tell yourself that today you will stay on track. Don’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Keep doing this each day, regardless of what happened the day before.
It is not necessary to be perfect in your practice of healthy eating, dieting, losing weight, or whatever you want to call it. Progress is made over a long period of time where most your days are on track. And, given that your goal is to lose 10-15 pounds, it may take quite a long time. Not because you are doing it wrong, but because it takes longer when you have very little to lose.3 -
Sounds like you need to put your foot down. Either to your husband or parents. Everyone needs to eat right and if it means you talking tough and making change for people then so be it. My father in law never complained when I said id buy and cook all meals including his lunch. He still snuck in pop and a few sweets but he lost weight and knew it was good for him.1
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I'm just dying that people are upset about a 19 yr old living at home. Especially when they explained it's partly cultural.
These days, it seems like everyone's 27 yrs old and living with their parents and no one bats an eye. Times have changed since the 70s, 80s, or even 90s.8 -
Hey there! I've been in your shoes before. Our cultures our very similar and it's built into our parents to offer us food. It's hard for them to change these habits so we have to do our part. Continue saying no but change your own mindset about it. It's not that you can't have what they are offering, tell yourself you're choosing not to have it. I know it sounds silly but it works. You can also buy (or have them buy..) your own snacks (popcorn, fruits, veggies, etc ) . This way you can still contribute in social eating which may leave you less tempted to give in. You can also say yes and weigh out a portion size that fits into your day. Then try to reestablish that "I choose not to" mentality to prevent you from having more than intended.
I hope this was helpful. I have nothing to back these tips up except my own experience.4 -
My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds. Mfp gave me a daily goal of 1380cals. These calories are enough for me. I don’t feel deprived or anything. I also workout. The problem is my environment. No one support my goals. My family don’t listen to me. Whenever I tell them I don’t wanna eat unhealthy, they end up asking me all over again do you want it? At the end I give up and eat it. Which later leads to binging.... idk wat to do. In the past I failed so many times. I dnt even remember how many times I failed. it’s because i can’t resist temptation. Idk wat to do. I start eating healthy and do it for maximum 3 weeks and something happens, I binge and I start again and it’s a constant cycle...😞 obvs I cant blame my parents for bringing junk food. They bring it cause of my brother. He likes them. Ugh the struggle is real....
I'm not so sure 1380 cals is enough for you. What weekly weight loss goal did you select and what % of the calories you earn from exercise do you eat back? Since you have only 10-15 pounds to lose, a weekly weight loss goal of a half pound is most appropriate for you.
Maybe with a bigger calorie budget, you'd have more room for what's offered to you, not feel guilty about it, and not binge.
Unlike other sites which use TDEE calculators, MFP uses the NEAT method (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis), and as such this system is designed for exercise calories to be eaten back. However, many consider the burns given by MFP to be inflated for them and only eat a percentage, such as 50%, back. Others, however, are able to lose weight while eating 100% of their exercise calories.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818082/exercise-calories-again-wtf/p10 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I'm just dying that people are upset about a 19 yr old living at home. Especially when they explained it's partly cultural.
These days, it seems like everyone's 27 yrs old and living with their parents and no one bats an eye. Times have changed since the 70s, 80s, or even 90s.
I was born and raised in southern California, as a mom I would rather have my son live with me than rent and waste his hard earned money on something he will never own. I have friends that say when their kids turn 18 they have to move out. I may charge rent but atleast he will get it back when I pass away. This world is nuts and people prey on young adults.2
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