Battling Stress

travlingal216

My eating has gotten out of control. My husbands cancer is terminal and his COPD is worsening. I find myself just grabbing food all the time and cannotvseem to get control back. When you are caregiver for a spouse it is 24/7 and you lose who you are.

tulips_and_tea

I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. But, you can't do it all yourself. Do you have others who can help?

You MUST take care of yourself, as well. Unfortunately, there are many people in similar situations and I know there are support groups in some areas but I don't know where you're located. Perhaps inquire at a local hospital or long-term care facility for tips and help? I wish you both the best.

AnnPT77

Under circumstances like this, something is going to give. That's OK, because it has to be. Please be kind to yourself about what it takes to cope!

I will agree that, difficult it is, it's important if possible to find some way to carve out some self-care, focusing first (IMO) on things like getting at least minimally adquate sleep, and sound nutrition. I don't know your husband's prognosis, of course, but terminal illness tends to be more marathon than sprint, so giving yourself enough attention and sustenance to keep going, is part of being there for the family member.

It's kind of the "put on your oxygen mask before assisting others" idea that you hear from flight attendants, y'know?

If there are others around you who could help, please don't be afraid to be very specific with them about what you need. Very often, people say "Call me if you need help", and they really do mean it, but don't know what to offer. It's OK to ask for something specific: "Could you come over one evening and sit with <family member> so I can get a longer rest?" "Could I give you my grocery list and some cash and ask you to pick up some things next time you're heading for the store?" etc. You will quickly learn who really wants to help, and who was offering platitudes . . . and that's OK and useful.

As far as grabbing food, I'd encourage going for nutrition first, then adequate energy (not a time to lose weight super fast). Can you ask that friend who's going to the store to stock you up on some frozen meals you'd enjoy, and perhaps some good-keeper fruits (apples?) and other nutritious grabbable things (string cheese, crispy chickpeas or dry-roasted soybeans, maybe?) that you like?

This is tough, tough stuff you're going through, and I sympathize. It's been some years back, but I was caregiver during my husband's terminal illness when I was in my mid-40s. Every case is different, but I have some inkling of how difficult things can be. IMO, getting through this phase, giving yourself enough kindness and self-care to sustain yourself, is the first priority.

Hugs and best wishes! :flowerforyou:

LyndaBSS

travlingal216 wrote: »

My eating has gotten out of control. My husbands cancer is terminal and his COPD is worsening. I find myself just grabbing food all the time and cannotvseem to get control back. When you are caregiver for a spouse it is 24/7 and you lose who you are.

I'm so sorry about your husband's cancer and COPD. I lost my husband to ALS last year. I was his caregiver for 5 years through that battle.

It's easy for others to say you need help. Having been in your position, I know just how difficult that is to accept and do.

You can only give your husband your best if you are at your best.

Please do what you can to focus on your health and well-being. Who will care for you if you make yourself sick? You don't have control over your situation but you do have control over what you eat and how you treat yourself.

I would love nothing more than to take away your emotional pain and suffering. Sending a gentle hug for you and your husband both.