My body sucks and I’m mad about it

kiela64

Moving in the world hurts and I’m mad and ashamed and so so angry that I did this to myself. I have physio exercises to help and I’ve been lazy and didn’t do them for a while. Trying to get back hurts and things are more sore than usual. I also saw friends and we walked around and now that’s potentially damaging my ability to do my work (physical store work) and I’m so angry that I’m not more capable. That I haven’t fixed this yet. That I’m still so lazy and sluggish to do things that are good for me. I’m turning 26 and I can’t believe I’m this young and I can’t keep up with my peers. I can’t believe I’m this old and I haven’t learned better yet.

I’m working on it, but I know I can do better than this. And I will.

😡

thanos5

i feel/felt much anger and self loathing. i understand, fwiw. if you're lazy, as i was, can you just start small? like a walk around the block every day? anything is better than nothing. i started so small it's embarrassing, but found that it actually gave me more energy to do more.

best of luck.

emmamcgarity

Perhaps start smaller with the things you put off or dread? Sometimes I find it easier to get motivated for a 5 minute walk than for 30 minutes. I’ve been wanting to start doing yoga but find it intimidating. Then I found a 7 minute beginner video. It was a lot easier for me to “just do it” when looking at 7 minutes instead of 30-45 minutes or going to s class where people are. One of the podcasts I listen to talks about “attendance goals” instead of “performance goals”. Build the habits first then work on expanding those habits later.

VictorSmashes

Me too, friend. I was in PT this year mainly because of my weight as well, and should have addressed other issues but didn't. I don't always do PT either, and my issues are coming back.

The only things I can tell you are: be mad but don't stay mad; do the PT even if you know it hurts, as long as it's helping; be patient with yourself, this is the body that you have even if you don't like it.

I'm the fattest or near fattest student in my professional cohort and that's just how it is right now. A lot of us aren't optimally strong but I look weaker compared to the skinny people: a reality of mine. I'm losing weight, yeah, but it's still another one of my realities, present day. I'm really glad you're having this realization too. I did earlier this year and I know now that pain is also my reality, even when I was a healthy weight all those years ago.

Take a more positive spin on it though. Calling yourself lazy can be affecting your motivation to help yourself. It sounds like you are ambivalent about changing because it's not fast enough or you're worried that changing will negatively impact your life. It might in the short term (your physical therapist probably told you PT can hurt at first, right?), but it's for positive long-term goals. You being sluggish or exhausted means you have a reason why you don't want to do something. It doesn't mean you shouldn't do it or that the excuse is enough to just not do it, but it's not laziness.

LyndaBSS

I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it. I expect many of us have been where you are. I know I have.

I knew that I could continue hating myself and kicking myself in the butt for what I'd done to myself, having pity parties or...

I could use that same intensity and passion and change my life for the better. I could lose weight and get healthier. That's the path I chose.

You're at the same crossroads. 💟

callsitlikeiseeit

dont be mad, be proactive.

start small habits to build up to larger ones.

I'm the laziest person i know and still lost 130 pounds. i started small. could barely workout 5 minutes when i first started, now and hour or more I could do easily (though rare for me to go past an hour cause ... yanno.... lazy.)

nighthawk584

if getting mad gets you moving, then by all means, GET MAD! Like others said, don't try and do or expect so much all at once. Take it slow..I don't know exactly what your limitations are or if you have a disability, but I'm assuming it is because of weight gain? Forgive me if I am wrong. You have one thing that is a big advantage. That is your age. I'm 54. I came from a very active physically strong body in my late 30s and gained 100 lbs because of pure laziness, life issues, depression , etc....when I started last April, I felt so sick and exhausted every step I took, and also very MAD at myself for ever letting myself get so obese. That anger was part of my motivation to keep moving no matter what. I'm 67 lbs lighter and so much stronger both physically and mentally. YOU CAN DO THIS ...Start small, but keep thinking BIG.