Weight as an armor

alexandramyers

Has anyone had any success with overcoming this mental hurdle? Everything online says I need deep psychotherapy, but I don’t think I need all that. Just need a tool to utilize to overcome it. Any thoughts?

RelCanonical

Are you referring to being unable to change your weight because you're afraid it's going to make you vulnerable in some way?

alexandramyers

Yeah, like I don’t want the positive attention I receive when I’m fit (like getting hit on).

cmriverside

I find I got hit on at every size, so I'm glad I can now run faster...just in case, ya know?

I'm in my mid sixties and still get hit on.


I'm coming to the [slow to learn] conclusion that it isn't even about me.

LyndaBSS

alexandramyers wrote: »

Yeah, like I don’t want the positive attention I receive when I’m fit (like getting hit on).

I refuse to give the people who might comment (or might not) that kind of power over me and what I am doing to better my life.

alexandramyers

“I'm coming to the [slow to learn] conclusion that it isn't even about me.”[/quote]

I think I needed to hear this.

manderson27

I think that all women have to deal with being hit on now and again regardless of their weight. When I weighed 220lbs men still came on to me. You just have to embrace the fact that you are an attractive woman and this will happen to you at some point.

The question is how does the man approach you? If it is just a normal kind of approach that entails him asking if you would like to go out for coffee or something and you are not interested then just be honest and say "Thank you but I am not looking to date at the moment" Obviously if you are already in a realationship then you tell them that and make it clear you are not interested in anyone else.

If it is more creepy then you are entitled to be less gentle. A quick "Not interested" and walk quickly away is completely justifiable. Even a loud firm "No, Leave me alone" Is ok in certain circumstances.

Being overweight is not armour against being hit on. But being slim, fit, strong, confident and healthy is armour against pretty much everything.

Have faith in yourself that you can handle anything that life throws at you and do what is right for your health. Let the rest take care of itself.

You got this.

cmriverside

alexandramyers wrote: »

I think I needed to hear this.

yeah, well, leopards/spots and all that.

What manderson says is right on.

It happens. It's not always dangerous, and sometimes can be flattering, and really some people are just clueless. But it's always about them and their own issues. I worked in a casino and watched people try to pick up people. They would go from one to another all down the bar until someone took them up on it. It's a numbers game (no casino pun intended.)

Hanlons' Razor: (paraphrased) Don't ascribe to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.

darklyndsea

If you're not confident about dealing with unwanted attention, you might want to ask a friend or family member to roleplay some scenarios with you. After you've practiced dealing with the situations you're worried about in an environment where you feel comfortable, you'll be able to fall back on your experience when you have to deal with those situations in real life. And you can prepare some canned responses to give, rather than getting flustered and not knowing what to say or do.

unstableunicorn

If you’re using the possibility of being hit on as a reason to self-sabotage or otherwise not improve your health, you absolutely should seek counselling of some sort. There is no shame in it, and you don’t have to drop hundreds an hour to reap the benefits. I did biweekly sessions with a graduating psychotherapy student for 8 months. Best decision I ever made for my psychological health and it’s made it much easier to transition away from poor dietary and activity behaviors.

Clairin

I understand this. Last Christmas I had my second bad dating disaster in a short period. I blamed in part for what I looked like. I stopped training and gained 4 kilos. I stopped dating. I was no longer in my gym routine which had been a friendly place for me to go. My back started to hurt and I developed a gut. I realized I was just hurting myself. My health and self esteem being damaged more by my choices. I started training again & recently to try dating again. I made those choices for me. I think key is trusting yourself that you can handle attention and it's positive as long as you keep your boundaries. I hope that helps.

patwalsh1414

Yes, for me my extra weight defenitly is making me feel more protected for the outside world
I know when I have a healthy weight I feel much more vulnerable.
But I feel very unhealthy being overweight, and I want to loose this weight for myself. At the same time I try to become physically stronger, and I hope this will help me to feel mentally stronger as well, so that when I loose weight I feel safe enough in my own skin.

bendeka

I feel like it is the same with food as it is with any addiction.. Your brain will think of any excuse to get a "fix". Its just plain easier to eat and be fat... I often come up with different reasons that I just need to eat or why I should just give up.
Keeping strange men and people in general away from me is often part of it... But I think the other commenters have made valid points. Especially the one on practicing role play!