Why do some people find love so effortlessly while others struggle?

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Replies

  • ghudson92
    ghudson92 Posts: 2,061 Member
    I think that love survives if your values align and if you allow each other to grow and change. There is no place for mind games or jealousy or selfishness.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,970 Member
    @seltzermint555

    Regarding your question about my brothers, I can tell purely from observing them with their partners. As someone who has experienced unconditional, pure love, it gives me a unique window to look through.

    Just as Michael and I couldn't explain what made our love for each other so incredible, I can't really describe what it is I see. My one brother and his wife, who have the same love for each other couldn't explain it either. I guess it's one of those things you have to experience for yourself. 💟
  • jruch23
    jruch23 Posts: 1,069 Member
    I've been one of the few it seems having bad luck with relationships. My last gf was just crazy. Walked away from that one. I have high standards so won't settle for just anyone either. Been on dating sites too but no one is alive on those it seems. Went on a date last year, date went great and she even told me she had a good time and thanked me for taking her. Then ghosted me and gave me the most bizarre reason ever why she thought we weren't a good match. I pick the weird ones ugh. Meh whatever. I'm liking being single now. Less drama and can save money.
  • gedanjj
    gedanjj Posts: 12 Member
    I'm done with relationships for awhile. I agree with jruch23. Less drama and can save money. I'm just now starting to file my divorce paperwork with my ex. We were together for 14 years. She was a single mom with two kids, who I now call my own. My son's g/f keeps telling me that I should go look for someone. It's just not in my scope of priorities right now. I have my grandson, my kids, my parents and my pets to care about.

    There's just no interest to pursue a relationship right now. I'm pretty happy where I'm at in life. But if some woman asks me out for a coffee, I might consider it because I love drinking coffee. :smile: :smile:
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    You'll find someone when you're ready to find them. Fear and/or finding the dating/searching process uncomfortable comes across to others. People pick up on those cues and it can lead to more missed opportunities. Stop looking. Don't let the left brain know what the right brain is doing. It's a push/pull process that attracts someone to you like a magnet. Some inwardly don't want to get married and they have to be willing to admit that. Then out of the clear blue sky it when you're completely relaxed...there's love on your doorstep. You don't have to go around the world to find them. They're right there under your nose, two doors down.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Life is even more complicated than it felt when I was fresh out of high school which is too many years to mention. I saw my parents stick through the ups and downs but they stayed together til the end. I've watched my sister do the same. Their life has never been the bed of roses you'd think it was to stay together 54 years. But she has certainly taken the vows seriously, through sickness and in health. I see a couple young people(my dds' friends) searching frantically for their life partner because they're 30ish; they end up acting too fast, expecting much more than they get and being betrayed. :(

    I don't know know what the answer is. I met dh in my early 20's, after being one of those 'gotta find somebody quick' type of people because what I wanted most out of life was a family. I had such a crush on him that I thought was that everlasting love and I overlooked so many potential issues. We separated for about 12 years or so, only to move back in together 18 months ago. We live separate lives, but not. We're housemates, I guess you'd say. I'm not happy but it is what it is.

    My best advice for anyone in this situation? Live life the way YOU want to live; get involved with activities you like; if true love comes knocking at your door, certainly don't slam it shut but do check through that hidey-hole and make sure before you make a commitment. AND if you do find someone worthy of a life together, remember it takes compromise and respect, along with love and $Ex.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,879 Member
    I don't know that they do. As a general observation, I see a lot of "fake it 'till you make it" and forcing the issue as to not be alone. I've also observed a lot of issues where high school sweet hearts and "young love" are concerned...they are often very different people at 30 than they were at 18 or 19.

    My high school sweet heart and I are still friends and still talk...we were very much in love when we were younger, or at least thought as much, and it certainly felt very real at the time...we're both 46 now and have talked about what a disaster it ultimately would have been if we had stayed together...we're just worlds apart different people than we were back then. I frankly see it a lot with many of the younger people in my office.

    It also probably depends a lot on one's station in life. When I was in the military I had no interest in "finding love" or starting a family or anything like that. For one, I was just having fun...for two, I had seen what the military and deployments and being shipped off to war did to families around me and I didn't want any part of that...I'm sure that came across to the women I dated and likely pushed away any number of possible long term relationships. The flip side of that is that some people can want it so bad that it pushes people away too.

    I met my now wife when I was in college in my mid to late 20s. I wasn't at all "looking". I worked in a package liquor store and she was just a really good looking lady that would come in regularly to get her craft beer and we would chat and flirt a little...thought about asking her out, but never did...I would also run into her occasionally at the gym, and we'd say hi and chat a bit, but I didn't want to be that creeper guy.

    I ended up moving across town to be closer to the university and started working at the package store near the university that was run by the same people. I figured I'd likely never see her again and missed my chance there...but a couple weeks later, who walks into my store? That pretty lady. It turns out that she moved across town about the same time I did. It took awhile, but a friend of mine who also worked at the store asked me when I was going to actually ask her out...I told him I thought it was weird hitting on a customer. Turns out she had been showing up to some of his house parties hoping I would be in attendance. Finally pulled the trigger, and the rest became history...though we didn't know that at the time.
  • chuckle_bunny
    chuckle_bunny Posts: 496 Member
    When I feel lonely I like to listen to Whitney Houston's The Greatest Love of All. It's a song that talks about the empowerment of self-love and how we should not rely on a hero to fulfill our needs. When you start to see yourself as the embodiment of love, you will no longer struggle again.
  • chuckle_bunny
    chuckle_bunny Posts: 496 Member
    jruch23 wrote: »
    I wish I knew. I thought I was in a good relationship but all of a sudden my girlfriend says she wants space and feels like we aren't compatible anymore. She tells me I did nothing wrong. 11 months in. Doesn't make any sense. I've been so respectful to her. But she says she still loves me. :/
    It makes total sense actually. She met someone at the gym.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,511 Member
    Yeah, if I knew the answer to this conundrum I wouldn't be alone while my abusive ex is engaged again. There is no justice in this world. No karma.

    Abusive people tend to be very engaging, disingenuous people. They can be very attractive, flattering and charismatic. That is why they find relationships easy.

    It isn't until you're IN the relationship that the abuse starts and often it's a gradual slope into abuse, so the victim doesn't always even see its happening.

    The ones who manage to escape the abuse often either find another abuser because that is all they know, or then see red flags EVERYWHERE, and tend to reject anything that remotely smells off.

    I'm thinking somewhere in the middle is healthy.

    Be proud you escaped that. It's not easy to leave.

    Curious about what part the disagree applies to... Tbh.
  • CaramonM
    CaramonM Posts: 263 Member
    edited December 2020
    Destiny, inevitability, fate, luck...all of these seem to be unsatisfactory explanations, despite the truth in there being many factors not in your control when it comes to finding your mate.

    I remember reading a psychological study years ago where the largest factor in prediction of matches was simply: proximity. 

    If that's true, then perhaps we should all go where our future mate likes to spend their time when we're trying to find them.

    ...but that study was done before there was really an internet.