Why do some people find love so effortlessly while others struggle?

jruch23

I wish I knew. I thought I was in a good relationship but all of a sudden my girlfriend says she wants space and feels like we aren't compatible anymore. She tells me I did nothing wrong. 11 months in. Doesn't make any sense. I've been so respectful to her. But she says she still loves me.

chuckle_bunny

jruch23 wrote: »

I wish I knew. I thought I was in a good relationship but all of a sudden my girlfriend says she wants space and feels like we aren't compatible anymore. She tells me I did nothing wrong. 11 months in. Doesn't make any sense. I've been so respectful to her. But she says she still loves me.

It makes total sense actually. She met someone at the gym.

Versicolour

Yeah, if I knew the answer to this conundrum I wouldn't be alone while my abusive ex is engaged again. There is no justice in this world. No karma.

KickassAmazon76

Versicolour wrote: »

Yeah, if I knew the answer to this conundrum I wouldn't be alone while my abusive ex is engaged again. There is no justice in this world. No karma.

Abusive people tend to be very engaging, disingenuous people. They can be very attractive, flattering and charismatic. That is why they find relationships easy.

It isn't until you're IN the relationship that the abuse starts and often it's a gradual slope into abuse, so the victim doesn't always even see its happening.

The ones who manage to escape the abuse often either find another abuser because that is all they know, or then see red flags EVERYWHERE, and tend to reject anything that remotely smells off.

I'm thinking somewhere in the middle is healthy.

Be proud you escaped that. It's not easy to leave.

KickassAmazon76

KickassAmazon76 wrote: »

Versicolour wrote: »

Yeah, if I knew the answer to this conundrum I wouldn't be alone while my abusive ex is engaged again. There is no justice in this world. No karma.

Abusive people tend to be very engaging, disingenuous people. They can be very attractive, flattering and charismatic. That is why they find relationships easy.

It isn't until you're IN the relationship that the abuse starts and often it's a gradual slope into abuse, so the victim doesn't always even see its happening.

The ones who manage to escape the abuse often either find another abuser because that is all they know, or then see red flags EVERYWHERE, and tend to reject anything that remotely smells off.

I'm thinking somewhere in the middle is healthy.

Be proud you escaped that. It's not easy to leave.

Curious about what part the disagree applies to... Tbh.

Versicolour

KickassAmazon76 wrote: »

Versicolour wrote: »

Yeah, if I knew the answer to this conundrum I wouldn't be alone while my abusive ex is engaged again. There is no justice in this world. No karma.

Abusive people tend to be very engaging, disingenuous people. They can be very attractive, flattering and charismatic. That is why they find relationships easy.

It isn't until you're IN the relationship that the abuse starts and often it's a gradual slope into abuse, so the victim doesn't always even see its happening.

The ones who manage to escape the abuse often either find another abuser because that is all they know, or then see red flags EVERYWHERE, and tend to reject anything that remotely smells off.

I'm thinking somewhere in the middle is healthy.

Be proud you escaped that. It's not easy to leave.

Spot on!
I think I am the red flag spotter type. Not that I have any opportunities to meet anyone; flags or not

ninerbuff

Let me just say that just because 2 people have been together for a long time doesn't mean they are necessarily happy. Many couples live together and put on a facade because they are just content with a trouble free life. There may be love there as a caring factor, but the passion can be long faded and they find themselves happy just doing hobbies.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

CaramonM

Destiny, inevitability, fate, luck...all of these seem to be unsatisfactory explanations, despite the truth in there being many factors not in your control when it comes to finding your mate.

I remember reading a psychological study years ago where the largest factor in prediction of matches was simply: proximity. 

If that's true, then perhaps we should all go where our future mate likes to spend their time when we're trying to find them.

...but that study was done before there was really an internet.