I feel OK again
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BoxerBrawler
Posts: 2,032 Member
Sorry in advance for the ramble....
It has been one year and two months since I lost my sister. Her dead was totally unexpected and tragic and happened in two days. There was that dreaded middle of the night phone call which turned into many phone calls, updates and statuses. The words spoken in the last phone call are words that I'll never forget: "It's over." A piece of me died early that morning and with it went a piece of my motivation, my discipline, my faith, my everything. It had only been 3 years since we lost our mother in a similar fashion and it was the first time her and I had become close - close like sisters should be. She was 11 years older than me and while we loved each other and had good times together we never truly felt that "sisters" bond until we lost Ma.
Me and my sister always had health and fitness in common and for years I've been a true blue gym rat! I've ranked in Muay Thai, I've ranked in boxing and achieved my USA National Boxing Association certificate, I teach classes for boxing, MMA, dance and weight lifting, I've competed, I've gone from almost 200 LBs down to 113 LBs and everything in between, I've received my masters in general and holistic nutrition and on and on. I always had my sister around to talk about both of our accomplishments. She loved hearing about my classes and my own workouts.
Needless to say this past year has been difficult. I have only been going through the motions. Many times after giving a class I feel guilty because I don't feel like I've given my true-self to my clients. Of course they haven't noticed at all. I am good at hiding it!
I stopped coming here, I stopped tracking macro's, I still ate generally healthy but I went back to some destructive behavior. I got lucky because my body didn't suffer much, a few added LBs but nothing too crazy.
I recently started a new job and it's awesome and I can see myself retiring from this one. I also went back to my old boxing gym which has been a breath of fresh air! I also started hosting a few classes at a different local gym where the people are so motivated! Lately I have felt more like myself and damn that feels good!
There is no time limit for grief and there will never be a day that goes by where I don't wish I still had my sister in my life. If I could trade everything I have for just one more day with her, I would. But I can't so all I can do is pray.
So I finally feel like I'm able to manage the loss and get back to doing what I do best. I have had a couple of weeks straight now where I've had my old energy, discipline and motivation back. Finally!
There's really no point to this post, just words that needed to come out and why not here. I'm on the path to cutting about 20 LBs and I enjoy working toward that goal with like minded people.
I can finally breathe again.
It has been one year and two months since I lost my sister. Her dead was totally unexpected and tragic and happened in two days. There was that dreaded middle of the night phone call which turned into many phone calls, updates and statuses. The words spoken in the last phone call are words that I'll never forget: "It's over." A piece of me died early that morning and with it went a piece of my motivation, my discipline, my faith, my everything. It had only been 3 years since we lost our mother in a similar fashion and it was the first time her and I had become close - close like sisters should be. She was 11 years older than me and while we loved each other and had good times together we never truly felt that "sisters" bond until we lost Ma.
Me and my sister always had health and fitness in common and for years I've been a true blue gym rat! I've ranked in Muay Thai, I've ranked in boxing and achieved my USA National Boxing Association certificate, I teach classes for boxing, MMA, dance and weight lifting, I've competed, I've gone from almost 200 LBs down to 113 LBs and everything in between, I've received my masters in general and holistic nutrition and on and on. I always had my sister around to talk about both of our accomplishments. She loved hearing about my classes and my own workouts.
Needless to say this past year has been difficult. I have only been going through the motions. Many times after giving a class I feel guilty because I don't feel like I've given my true-self to my clients. Of course they haven't noticed at all. I am good at hiding it!
I stopped coming here, I stopped tracking macro's, I still ate generally healthy but I went back to some destructive behavior. I got lucky because my body didn't suffer much, a few added LBs but nothing too crazy.
I recently started a new job and it's awesome and I can see myself retiring from this one. I also went back to my old boxing gym which has been a breath of fresh air! I also started hosting a few classes at a different local gym where the people are so motivated! Lately I have felt more like myself and damn that feels good!
There is no time limit for grief and there will never be a day that goes by where I don't wish I still had my sister in my life. If I could trade everything I have for just one more day with her, I would. But I can't so all I can do is pray.
So I finally feel like I'm able to manage the loss and get back to doing what I do best. I have had a couple of weeks straight now where I've had my old energy, discipline and motivation back. Finally!
There's really no point to this post, just words that needed to come out and why not here. I'm on the path to cutting about 20 LBs and I enjoy working toward that goal with like minded people.
I can finally breathe again.
22
Replies
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No advice here, but I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. You have accomplished so much. She would be so proud of you
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Welcome. I'm very sorry for the loss of your sister. I hope you have tremendous success with your new job and your health, as well. 💟0
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I'm glad you have worked past your grief enough to start to feel joy again. Some get stuck in that stifling dark place. Your post is so honest and beautiful ..thanks for sharing.
For sure your sister is with you....cheering you on and she wants you to enjoy your life and live it to the fullest. Congrats on the new job and best of luck on your fitness journey.0 -
Welcome, and hugs. I feel for you so much.0
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Thanks for the replies0
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BoxerBrawler wrote: »
There's really no point to this post, just words that needed to come out and why not here. I'm on the path to cutting about 20 LBs and I enjoy working toward that goal with like minded people.
I can finally breathe again.
Sometimes the point is just letting it all out, and realizing that some things can't be changed. But also realizing that those people we miss can motivate us to be back to "normal" as much as we can be. Your sister would want you to get back to taking care of yourself the best you can.
Do what you can, as you can. It's never easy.0
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