How would I go about this?

Breakingupwithfatty

My husband, Kids and I moved to Japan to be close to his family.
my husbands grandparents own a restaurant and they expect us to eat there for dinner 5 nights a week, which is really generous of them.
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It is considered rude for me to decline eating there
and rude of me to not eat what they bring me (portion wise). So not eating there is out of the question and asking for smaller portions as well.
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I'm trying to calorie count but i have no idea how many calories i consume while eating there.
I looked up some basic items i eat and gave it an estimation of 800 calories. All the food is homemade so their is no calorie information for what i eat.
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problem i have is 1: I have no idea if i am over eating the 800 or under eating.
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we eat at the restaurant at 10pm at night. Me giving it 800 calories that leave me with 500 calories for the whole day.
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I try to eat a small breakfast at 10am for 300 calories and then at 3pm a small snack of 200 calories to keep within my calorie limit. Problem is by 6pm i'm starving! I end up binge eating out of control.
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**So how do I go about this?
Do I give myself more calories through the day to keep from overeating? I am 80 pounds over weight and need to stay under 1300 a day to lose 1 pound a week.
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**How do i go about eating at the restaurant every night? I have no idea if i'm over eating my estimation of 800 calories or under eating?

seska422

"Rude" isn't the same as "out of the question."

If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to assert control over what, when, and how much you eat. Even if you must eat at the restaurant, no one can enforce your portion size unless you let them.

It took a lot of emotional effort (and still does) to say no and mean it. It gets somewhat easier with practice and repetition. I've been known to walk food over to the trash can and dump it while the person who insisted that I eat it was watching.

Calorie counting may not be a method you can use right now with so much of your intake being hard to count. You might want to explore other calorie restriction methods.

callsitlikeiseeit

my ex was japanese. their culture is very 'look centric' for women. Telling them you are on a diet will not offend them. the women in the family will even probably be able to help you choose lower calorie dishes.

KNoceros

Just a quick maths check here. 800+300+200=1300. Therefore you still have 200 to play with to make your 1500.
You could “spend” this on either a larger or second afternoon snack. That may help with the hunger.

StaciMarie2020

I'd say start with talking to your husband, as its family's restaurant. Make sure first and foremost that he is an advocate for you. Since there are cultural as well as extended family dynamics here, asking for smaller portions should be something he can help you with.

Either that, or keep plastic baggies in your purse and hide some of the food when no one is looking so that you can eat smaller portions??? (I'm not joking. If you decide that keeping the peace is important, this would do the trick.)

StaciMarie2020

Ps-if you're 80 pounds overweight and need to eat 1300 per day to average 1 pound per week weight loss: something is wrong with your #s unless you are very very petite in height or do not move AT ALL during the day. Because this indicates you need to eat only 1800 to maintain weight, and at 80 pounds overweight that seems unlikely. Double check your #s. And/or add in activity during the day.

If you mean 1300 is what you need to lose 2 pounds per week, then having 200-300 calories around 6-7 pm would just slow down your weight loss very slightly.

Terytha

It's your husband's family, it's his job to set boundaries and tell them you either can't always eat there, or you need to be able to eat smaller amounts.

"Its rude" is not a good reason to let anyone ruin your health, especially since it's also rude to ignore perfectly reasonable requests and boundaries.

peggy_polenta

have you considering doing omad, or one meal a day, where you eat all your calories for the day in your one meal? its not that hard once you get used to it. its takes a bit of training for some, however to get used to it.

MelanieCN77

I hate these kinds of questions because they refuse to consider reasonable things like talking to people and setting up and gently maintaining good boundaries and practices for one's own mental health. I would not tolerate this kind of remote disciplining of my life and choices as an adult, and I'm sure with some careful thought, conversations could be started and your freedom regained. I wouldn't be willing to try to shoehorn the food issues never mind the control issues into my day.

pierinifitness

When I began my weight loss journey, I promised myself that nobody would sabotage my effort, NOBODY.

I kept my word and mission was accomplished 7 months ago.

Now, I’m solidly in maintenance and I’ve promised myself again that nobody is going to sabotage me maintaining, NOBODY.

I hope my sharing is helpful to you. Wishing you the best.

lemurcat2

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

my ex was japanese. their culture is very 'look centric' for women. Telling them you are on a diet will not offend them. the women in the family will even probably be able to help you choose lower calorie dishes.

This is consistent with my experience. Have you tried confiding?