Inside Out

isalsayourface123

I know. The movie is old. But I just worked through a therapeutic exercise and was curious to some mfp responses.

Who is your inner personalities/characters/voices? Some are fun and positive. Some are mean. Some are crazy.

Give them a name. What do they tell you?

Ex: coach- always says he's proud of me. Cheers me on. Points out all the good things I did.

Or

Crazy yoggi. Cigarette hangs from his mouth. He stumbles around encouraging me to relax with a drink. He points out how hard i worked and insists i skip my workout and get centered and balanced with a Netflix binge and pizza.

isalsayourface123

Teacher. Lays out pics, graphs, data. Helps me see how far I've come. All the little gains and progress I've made. Encourages me to take more baby steps in the right direction.

isalsayourface123

Bully- laughs at me everytime I think im looking cute. Pokes me in the belly and says you sure you want to eat that laughing? Snickers at me as I stumble through my workout...probably she purposely tripped me.

cee134

Nerd - Likes to avoid sunlight. Only comes out at night. Avoids mirrors. Likes red flavored drinks. Stays up all night killing defeating people around the world in an endless game. Has pointy teeth (I bite my tongue a lot).

cbstewart88

Einstein-y guy who never shuts up. Always asking questions. How about this? Why isn't this working? If I try this, what are the possible outcomes? Why can't I figure this out? What's the answer? What's the best way? The most efficient solution? What's this mean? And on and on and on...

mtndewme

Cat lady - ooooooh a cat! I wonder what my cat is doing! Kitty kisses! Aw look, it's mad! Kisses! Here's a treat for screaming at me! Ow! I love you! Kisses! Look at it sleep! Time for a picture! Which hat should I put on it? Cute! Kisses! I want another cat! I wonder if my cat will get jealous of a new cat. Cute!

Reckoner68

I could either post this SUPER long post here about the one thing that I've personified, or I could simply post "potatoes" and I think I'm going with potatoes this time around. I'm suddenly so tired

mtndewme

Reckoner68 wrote: »

I could either post this SUPER long post here about the one thing that I've personified, or I could simply post "potatoes" and I think I'm going with potatoes this time around. I'm suddenly so tired

Please give the forums content

happimess01

Love that movie! Gets so emotional towards the end.

Vikka_V

One is a kind, soothing, confidant or maybe wise voice that says stuff like

"it's gonna be ok, stop worrying so much, especially about dumb stuff"

"enjoy your days and all of your time! You're fortunate!"

"bad days/things will happen, try to appreciate the good days/things more"

"listen to yourself, you know what to do"

cee134

I don't know if there is a name for it yet but I'd be a Catsup Wrangler. Because I really like organizing Catsup. I even go as far as going to restaurants and "wrangling" the catsup that people leave at their table after they eat (waiters don't like me).

Vikka_V

One is a man singing Italian opera

Vikka_V

One is a voice of judgement


"thats not worthy of ingestion, don't do it, you'll regret it"

"being late is not acceptable, get to work on time, or you deserve to be fired, you are replaceable"

"your spelling is so awful, how did you make it through school?"

"oh you're tired huh? The day is sucking for you? Serves you right, get your dumb *kitten* to bed at a reasonable time"

Reckoner68

Here's the tl;dr version: "My Dark Mistress" is what I refer to depression as, as a whole

All the text (and probably a pic) will be behind the spoiler button so people on phones don't have to scroll for three years to get past it every time they reload the page. I sincerely hope this works

When I was first diagnosed with depression, I'd already been fighting it for years without knowing what it was. I just knew that I'd get these really, *really* dark moods that I just couldn't seem to shake no matter what I tried. I mean, I was used to getting into funks like that--but they'd never last more than a few days, maybe a week at max. And they weren't ALL that frequent. Then in 2011 I had one of those moods that just grabbed hold and wouldn't let go, and after about 2.5 months I was ready to do ANYTHING to escape the constant feelings of exhaustion and all the other nonsense that comes along with depression.

I'm wordy, so every story is long--but skipping a lot of the details, I eventually decided that it was time to seek some professional help as I wasn't sure that I could continue the battle on my own. I started seeing a psychologist, specifically because I did *not* want to start using brain meds.

During this time, I started learning some techniques for coping. I was also using writing as an outlet for any feelings that I wasn't sure how to handle, or couldn't quite deal with...getting them out onto the page seemed to help a lot. I started diving heavily into poetry on Twitter, because 1) I found it challenging to take a feeling or idea and put it into words with an enforced character limit and 2) If I was somewhere that I didn't have a lot of time, but I really felt the need to get something out, I could drop something on Twitter and it helped, somehow.

As I became more cognizant of my cycles of depression, I began to see patterns. I'd start doing better, and sometimes it would feel like depression would totally blindside me--but other times, I'd see myself giving in to things. Like, I'd been practicing mental exercises to stave off negative thoughts, and had been doing quite well at it, but then I'd recognize some and instead of forcing myself to fix them, I'd just...leave them. A little self-flagellation here and there should be OK, right?

Except every time I'd fall into the darkness, once I was there I'd just wish I could get out. It's not quite an out-of-body experience, but it's more like my brain would get rewired and things that a normal, logical me wouldn't even consider would suddenly start feeling logical. I'd wallow in the negative thoughts, my energy level would drop precipitously--you know, all that business that (once again) goes along with depression.

It's not so much that I couldn't see the right decisions--it's that I'd stop caring about making the good decisions. The literal version of "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" in the sense that I could know 100% that an exercise routine and getting more sleep would help me break the funk I was in....but I didn't care enough to do those things.

When I think of that mindset, what jumps to mind is that it feels like the very definition of "wallowing."

So...the personification? It's My Dark Mistress. I started writing her into some poems because it felt like an unhealthy relationship that I can't seem to escape from--because part of me doesn't want to. The revelation earlier this year that I might be addicted to a certain level of sadness kinda rocked my world, but it makes sense.

See, My Dark Mistress is seductive. She knows what I like, and she offers it to me--just a little bit at a time. Sometimes she's so subtle that I don't even realize that she's there, that I'm listening to her whispers, that I'm allowing myself to indulge a little at first, then maybe a little too much.

Anyway, to that end, I'll throw a few of the poems in here too because *why not* at this point. If you've read this far, you're in for the long haul anyway, so there all represented various times and feelings over the past few years.

1
Call my soul
oh Crow
Take me away
from the clutches
of my dark mistress
Silence her whispers
And remove her choking hands
from my throat

2
There she is again
My Dark Mistress
Her golden goblet
adorned with onyx
and filled
with unwanted memories
She offers it
A willing seduction

3
Sleep grants no reprieve
Exhaustion
My sole companion
heralds the arrival
of My Dark Mistress
who offers the seduction
of feeling
once again

And finally....

4
Sometimes
I like to crawl to the edge
Peer over the precipice
into the shadows below
And feel the cold tendrils
of darkness
caressing my face
As My Dark Mistress
calls my name again
Always there
Always waiting
but held at bay
by things outside of her control
But sometimes
it's comforting
to know that she still wants me
That she still needs me
Solace in death
the sleep
forever at the gateway

J_NY_Z

happimess01 wrote: »

Love that movie! Gets so emotional towards the end.

When Joy is with Bing Bong trying to get out I teared up.

When Riley breaks down at the end I sobbed uncontrollably thinking of my kids when they were younger. Dear god that was a great movie!

mtndewme

Reckoner68 wrote: »

4
Sometimes
I like to crawl to the edge
Peer over the precipice
into the shadows below
And feel the cold tendrils
of darkness
caressing my face
As My Dark Mistress
calls my name again
Always there
Always waiting
but held at bay
by things outside of her control
But sometimes
it's comforting
to know that she still wants me
That she still needs me
Solace in death
the sleep
forever at the gateway

[/spoiler]

I really like this last poem.

happimess01

J_NY_Z wrote: »

happimess01 wrote: »

Love that movie! Gets so emotional towards the end.

When Joy is with Bing Bong trying to get out I teared up.

When Riley breaks down at the end I sobbed uncontrollably thinking of my kids when they were younger. Dear god that was a great movie!

Yes!! Those two scenes were heart-wrenching. It’s like the first 10 minutes of “Up” all over again.

J_NY_Z

happimess01 wrote: »

J_NY_Z wrote: »

happimess01 wrote: »

Love that movie! Gets so emotional towards the end.

When Joy is with Bing Bong trying to get out I teared up.

When Riley breaks down at the end I sobbed uncontrollably thinking of my kids when they were younger. Dear god that was a great movie!

Yes!! Those two scenes were heart-wrenching. It’s like the first 10 minutes of “Up” all over again.

I'm at work and i can't hold it together.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2CJ46XkwxA

isalsayourface123

J_NY_Z wrote: »

happimess01 wrote: »

J_NY_Z wrote: »

happimess01 wrote: »

Love that movie! Gets so emotional towards the end.

When Joy is with Bing Bong trying to get out I teared up.

When Riley breaks down at the end I sobbed uncontrollably thinking of my kids when they were younger. Dear god that was a great movie!

Yes!! Those two scenes were heart-wrenching. It’s like the first 10 minutes of “Up” all over again.

I'm at work and i can't hold it together.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2CJ46XkwxA

I honestly have never seen the movie but I would like to now. I'm pretty sure this is how my brain works.

isalsayourface123

Vikka_V wrote: »

One is a voice of judgement


"thats not worthy of ingestion, don't do it, you'll regret it"

"being late is not acceptable, get to work on time, or you deserve to be fired, you are replaceable"

"your spelling is so awful, how did you make it through school?"

"oh you're tired huh? The day is sucking for you? Serves you right, get your dumb *kitten* to bed at a reasonable time"

Yes. I could do really well at my diet or workout and judgement will come in pointing out all the ways I did wrong.

That's where I hope my 'coach' steps in and points at all the things I did right