I Thought I Was Strong Enough...

MyVictory2020
MyVictory2020 Posts: 15 Member
in Motivation and Support
I joined MFP a few weeks ago with a resolve that I never had before. I was absolutely fed up with the unhealthy lifestyle that I had created and was determined to do well. Until I started letting myself slip. One exception turned into two, then three - four and well you get the idea. Next thing I had binged and was sick and miserable. Then I began to wonder...what if being like this is what my life is supposed to be? What if I'm not meant to be thin and healthy? What if I'm supposed to be that fat girl that struggles in everything she does? What if I'll never know health?

Let's be honest - that's the story of my life. I always get the short stick. I'm always the one who gets left behind, forgotten or passed over. What's really crazy is that I'm a hard worker and when I want to do something - I do it. I'll stay up all night to build a jigsaw puzzle because I'm determined to get it done. I'll play a game over and over and over until I win a level. BUT when it comes down to pushing through the cravings and the unhealthy desires - I just can't do it. I'd rather just give in. It's easier that way. It's familiar.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm standing at the crossroad and I see both paths clearly. One has me at 300, 400, maybe even 500 pounds. Overweight, unhealthy and dead at a very young age (I just turned 37). The other has me active, happy and healthy. Not necessarily thin, but healthy. I'm okay with that but as much as I can see it - the voices in my head tell me it's an illusion that will never become a reality because that doesn't happen to people like me. Why should I get something like that when I can't even pass on a piece of chocolate that I don't even like that much?

Both realities scare me, but I'm not sure which one scares me more. I don't want to die young, but I don't want to deal with anymore of this disappoint and defeat. I honestly don't even know why I'm putting this out there except with the hope that someone has been where I am and that if you're reading this you'll understand. That someone will be kind enough to share their struggle in the same situation and maybe help me see whether or not I am worth it or whether or not I am enough.

I don't know what to do. Well, I do know what I SHOULD do. I know exactly how to lose weight and get healthy. I could write a book on it. I know how to take the first step and then the second, but to keep moving forward is something that is completely foreign to me. Can you help?

Replies

  • fairytale_babe
    fairytale_babe Posts: 391 Member
    Just breathe! Don't worry about your failures or successes... concentrate on not quitting! Ok you binged last night, can't change it, tomorrow is a new day, make it count. And just keep going no matter what! Be more active. Get up do something, even if it's walk the dog.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    You are going to have failures along the way. This is a marathon not a sprint. Try to make small easy changes that are achievable. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to make all the changes at once.

    Weight loss is simple just put your stats into this app, choose a reasonable weekly amount to lose 1-2 lbs is enough. Weigh and measure all your food, log everything even when you go over. Try and stick to the calorie goal that MFP gives you and eat back some of your exercise calories if you do any exercise.

    It is simple but not easy but the more often you hit your calorie goal the easier it gets to hit it again. Make a note of what foods you enjoy and fit them into your daily goal. Don't try to go in all guns blazing by eating stuff you don't like just because you think you should or overdo the exercise if you are not used to it.

    But most of all keep at it like @fairytale_babe says just keep going. Don't beat yourself up if you fall down every now and again we all do.

    There is a lot of information to be found on these forums, so many people who are willing to pass on advice and tips to the rest of us. There are people on here who have lost huge amounts of weight but they will all tell you that it took time, consistency and patience. But most of all never giving up.

    Please don't let your odd lapses make you stop trying.
  • dewit
    dewit Posts: 1,468 Member
    Hello there, hang on in there! You can get healthier, you can get slimmer, you can build up a good fitness level! It is all meant for you, waiting for you, screaming for you to do it! You are allowed to fail, if you remember to get up. You'll be stronger and more determined.

    Yes, we very often have to mute the voices telling us to get the remote and a bowl full of sweet popcorn, because the day was stressfull and we need to chil out. Turn on the computer instead and look up a workout video on the popsugars website. Or put the CD in and play a workout from a programme you just bought! You will feel SO MUCH BETTER once the workout is finished! Less hungry - watch out, our brain sometimes confuses thirst with hunger. If you want be a real winner, then channel your energy towards productive stuff. Try to learn new stuff, volunteer for some work in your community (will give you less time to binge) - games are not the way to get confidence *imho*.

    So, are we in this together or not? I am horrible at maintaining, losing and gaining the same 10 lbs over and over again (okay, admitedly, this year I got to my lowest). But if I did not lose and just kept on gainig, where will I be today? As for binging, I still didn't reach that level where I can say "I never binged since the xth of January/May/...". I also feel sometimes like I'd prepare for an imminent world famine by bombing my pancreas with crap.

    Friend me, if you want! Drop a message. Join challenges in here - I can tell you what I am doing. I would love to join some new myself. And believe in yourself, you CAN achieve your goals! But be patient! you will have bad days and then again good days. Give yourself time!
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    edited October 2019
    You have to be really ready. I don't mean, oh wouldn't it be great to lose weight ready. I mean feeling it down in your guts, do or die ready.

    You keep using the word "thin". Why is that? Do you think that thin must be the end result? What else would make this successful for you?

    I'm 61. I'm halfway to my goal. I just want to be healthier. I've never been thin, not a single day of my life. So, I don't aspire to that.

    Bottom line. Are you ready? Can you dig deep for your accountability and do this thing?

    It's really pretty simple. You eat the foods you love. You stay in a calorie deficit. You lose weight. You make sure your plan is sustainable and you change your lifestyle.

    Ready?
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,333 Member
    the key to succeeding is to keep trying. dust yourself right off and get right back on your eating plan. just keep at it.. if you fail.. try again. at some point, something will just click in your head and you'll stop the cheating and binging. maybe you just wear your brain down until it figures out... you're only going to start all over again if you binge...so you might as well just stick with it. Then the weight starts coming off and you get the positive reinforcement of discipline and you start building and feeding off of that success. Just stick with it !!!
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    edited November 2019
    You said you've only been on MFP a couple of weeks. Have you read the stickies? They are choc full of great info. Then, do you have a digital food scale? Are you weighing and measuring everything you eat and drink? It takes awhile to get with the program. A good idea is to take your measurements and keep a weekly log. As you go forward and hit a plateau you can go back and see on a tape measure how much you've lost. This gives you incentive when you're down. Some prefer to take pics as they go along. Then, read the success stories on MFP. Some of them are amazing and can encourage you when you need a boost. All of these things can help you. Just never give up! That is first and foremost. You can have the future you dream of. Best.

    PS: You don't need to be strong. You need to be persistent.
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1
  • livingandlovinglife
    livingandlovinglife Posts: 361 Member
    Hi! I just wanted you to know that you are stronger than you think. You have to tell yourself this every day even if you don't believe it at first. Try to focus on the things that you can do and the things that you have done successfully. Take baby steps and celebrate each success that you make. You are not alone. Many of us struggle with the same temptations that you have each and every day. The fact that you made this post shows that you are not a quitter!!! I remember reading something that said: "Losing weight is hard. Being overweight is hard. Choose your hard." This really resonated with me, and I hope that it will help to motivate you too. You are strong and you are worth it!!! Wishing you much success on your journey on the road to better health!!!
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    88olds wrote: »
    You know the line in the movie Animal House- Fat, drunk and and stupid is no way to go through life.? That was me until it wasn’t. I weighted 285 lbs. I had HBP, a CPAP, debilitating back pain and a seemingly permanent cough. Think I understand your plight? I think so.

    See that little avatar pic. That’s me on a paddle board about 3 years ago. Today I weigh about 6-7 lbs less than that, 172. You don’t have to settle. Your life isn’t controlled on the basis of “meant to be.” You’re only going to end up with the short stick if you keep choosing it.

    We only get one life. If you don’t like how yours is going, its up to you to change it. No one can do it for you. Just how it is. Do you have what we might call core beliefs? Do you believe everyone has a right to basic respect? “Everyone” would include you right? Neither your current weight or your past disqualifies you. The past doesn’t control the future. But change takes effort. If you want to wrap yourself in hopelessness so you don’t have to try, I doubt that anyone here can help you.

    Don’t be distressed because you have negative thoughts. Everyone does. But you don’t have to act on them. Our brains can’t shut off. Just how it is. But don’t confuse everything in your head with thinking. Thinking is deliberative process. A lot of what goes on in our heads is just filler because our brains can’t stop. And a lot of the filler is old junk. Our brains love repetition. It’s easy, its soothing. Just like TV reruns. If the filler is old negativity the brain doesn’t care. It’s only filler to the brain. Push back.

    Take heart. The path to successful weight loss is known- a calorie deficit. Tune out the weight loss noise. Calculate a modest calorie deficit, get a food scale, start a food diary and start crunching numbers. Calorie counting works. But there’s a learning curve.oldsWeight loss is mostly problem solving. Those “slips” you have are problems to solve. Keeping your food diary, something you should do no matter what, will identify your problem areas. When you identify a problem, work at solving it. You heard that experience is the best teacher? In weight loss its the only teacher. No more throwing up your hands and walking away at the first sign of trouble.

    Respect yourself. It’s the only way. If your going to hand over responsibility for your life to outside forces, you are bound to get what you’ve got. But there is another way. A lot of people come here and make posts like yours never to be heard of again.
    If you are confused by anything on this thread, post again. If you want a go at calorie counting and struggle, keep posting. But you don’t have to settle for a life you don’t want. Not because of your weight. There are things outside our control, but weight isn’t one of them. You can do this. Really. @snowflake954 is 100% right. It isn’t strength. It is pestilence. Really.

    I think I love you 88olds but, I wrote "persistence" not "pestilence". ;)<3;)
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,538 Member
    @snowflake954 LOL. If I only had a dollar for every time I’ve been burned by spellcheck...
  • AmyG1982
    AmyG1982 Posts: 1,040 Member
    When I quit smoking the idea of not doing it ever again for the rest of my life was impossible to handle. It was a giant weight on me that made me need a cigarette. So, I decided to see how long I could go without one. I competed with myself “well, last time I quit for 6 months, wonder if I can beat that”. Eventually that competitive spirit took me long enough that I actually looked forward to never smoking again. It’s been almost 10 years and I’d never go back now.

    I’ve yo-yo dieted longer than I smoked lol. Just this week I realized I need to apply the same mentality as I had for quitting smoking. So now my goals are to have a logging streak longer than 130 days (that’s the longest I’ve ever made it in the years I’ve been on here), and to get to a lower weight by Christmas than I did 2 years ago when I coincidentally started eating better at the same time of year and similar weight as I did just a few weeks ago.

    I know a lot of people will tell you to make changes you can do for the rest of your life but if you’re as daunted by that as I am maybe just set a few smaller doable goals and push for those. Once you hit them, reassess and make new ones. I’m hoping the high of doing so well and meeting my goals and not quitting for once will push me to keep going and not want to derail my success the way it did for me when I quit smoking.

    Good luck!
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,607 Member
    I think @88olds' post was excellent, but there's something I'd like to add, so I'm going to pick out just a couple of chunks of your OP:
    MyVictory2020 wrote: »
    <snip>

    Let's be honest - that's the story of my life. I always get the short stick. I'm always the one who gets left behind, forgotten or passed over. What's really crazy is that I'm a hard worker and when I want to do something - I do it. I'll stay up all night to build a jigsaw puzzle because I'm determined to get it done. I'll play a game over and over and over until I win a level. BUT when it comes down to pushing through the cravings and the unhealthy desires - I just can't do it. I'd rather just give in. It's easier that way. It's familiar.
    <snip>

    In your post's title, you mention believing you are strong enough. And you are. You give the examples above.

    The thing is, there are different types of strength.

    One of them is illustrated in your examples above: Having a goal, and putting on a big push to accomplish it. That's good stuff, and the feeling of accomplishment is really rewarding.

    Another kind of strength is one I'm betting you also have, but that you maybe haven't thought about as much, or haven't given as much intentional, conscious exercise.

    Did you finish high school or even college? Did you ever get a job, and improve at it, and maybe get raises or promotions from that? That's the kind of strength involved in weight management: Persistently working at it, day after day, sometimes when you don't feel like it, even (especially!) when it's boring or you'd rather be doing something else. Making dozens or hundreds or thousands of tiny changes in how you think, what you do, etc., gradually over a long period of time.

    Betting that at some point in school, you got a grade on a test that was lower than you'd like, or forgot to do some assignment. Did you quit school the first time that happened? No, I'm betting you kept studying, and probably did better on the next test or assignment. If there's a setback or problem, you learned from it, and went on.

    With this kind of strength, you don't have to do every single thing perfectly every single time, you just have to keep grinding away in the positive direction most of the time, over a really, really long period of time. The biggest things are (1) keep chipping away at it, and (2) don't completely stop.

    If there's a feeling of accomplishment, it needs to be mostly from valuing your own persistence and dedication and patience; from following the process you need to follow, in order to move in the positive direction. Sure, there may be a "big celebration" feeling of accomplishment when you reach goal weight, but even then you're not done: You're just starting the process of maintaining that healthy weight permanently.

    Focus on the sense of accomplishment that comes from doing the right things persistently, from mastering yourself, from directing your tiny daily habits in ways that get you to a long-term (very long-term!) goal.
    <snip>
    I don't know what to do. Well, I do know what I SHOULD do. I know exactly how to lose weight and get healthy. I could write a book on it. I know how to take the first step and then the second, but to keep moving forward is something that is completely foreign to me. Can you help?
    <snip>

    Just keep going. If life gets stressful, and things unravel, don't give up and completely stop; just get back on track when you're able.

    Don't try for an instant revolution in every single aspect of eating and exercise, just keep gradually improving, most of the time, little by little.

    It isn't - and doesn't need to be - continuous steps forwardForwardFORWARD at high speed. It's more dance-like, a few steps forward, then an allemande left with a do-si-do, then a few more steps forward.

    Keep going, and you get there.

    Best wishes! :flowerforyou:
  • Bex953172
    Bex953172 Posts: 4,169 Member
    When the reality of me ever being slim seems like an illusion, I look at the success stories! It's absolute proof I can do it!

    There's a thread on here that I (usually) post daily goals on. The basis that we can do anything just for one day. And just by breaking down the journey into small daily activities, these all eventually add up to the big picture we're all aiming for!

    The threads called JFT.. Daily Commitment Thread. And everyone's really nice :)

    I'm on and off the journey all the time (which is something I need to work on) but when I do start over I always go there because it gets me on track right away!

    But I agree with Snowflake, you don't need strength, you need persistence and discipline!

    Don't strive for perfection, strive for progress!

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