Is it the weight loss or is it confidence?

bear2303
bear2303 Posts: 252 Member
So i've been pondering this a lot recently and I would love some other perspectives. I've lost 40ish pounds in the last 8 months or so and I've noticed that people in general treat me a little different and mostly better. More likely to help, friendlier and more talkative, complimentary etc. I've always been an outgoing pretty bubbly person but i know that my confidence has definitely gone up recently but i'm wondering if people are responding to my confidence or my weight loss. maybe both?
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Replies

  • amyn73
    amyn73 Posts: 241 Member
    edited November 2019
    It's a sad truth. People automatically judge others who are not in the normal weight range. I can say honestly that I look at aesthetics...how people dress, their body shape/type, etc. It's pretty automatic. But I try to question myself when I do it...we can't give in to bias. Treat everyone with respect...intentionally. I am and will remain the same person I was when I was 50 pounds lighter...and 30 pounds heavier.
  • bear2303
    bear2303 Posts: 252 Member
    DogMom919 wrote: »
    I also like the positive perspective provided by NovusDies; however, I do believe that “the stigma of obesity” is a real thing. I have felt the sting of it over the past several years. Whether or not it is intentional or not, in my experience being obese has impacted the way I am treated.

    Oh i definitely believe that it is easier being a person of "normal" weight in our current society. It is unfortunate but people absolutely make snap judgements and are far harsher to people who are heavier than the "norm". For me the difference in my weight-loss took me from overweight and probably technically sexually undesirable for many to much more socially acceptably "pretty" and i was pondering if the change in attitude towards me was the fact that my weightloss put me in that category or if it was more related to confidence. I do think though that the change between going from "chubby" to "normal" is a little more subtle and less discernible on whether it's an attitude change or a body change driving other peoples' reactions.
  • Ghostofachance
    Ghostofachance Posts: 305 Member
    For me, I think it is a combination of weight loss and confidence. When I'm losing weight (or at a comfortable weight), I feel good about myself and that kind of positive attitude is noticeable to others. That being said, I definitely get flirted with more when I weigh less - if I notice I'm looking better, it makes sense others would too. I am happily married, but it's still pretty great when you notice someone looking at you.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,379 Member
    Totally OT, but I noticed the same thing when I dyed my hair pink and purple three or four years ago. I’m older, and it seemed to fascinate people. I suddenly felt like I became way more approachable. Literally the moment I walked out of the salon, people suddenly became very friendly and talkative. Wierd. I just recently chopped it all off and am going for what I call the TinTin look. Same thing happened. Man, if I dyed the super short hair, combined with the “weight loss effect”, I bet I’d be beating em off with a stick!
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 31,907 Member
    edited November 2019
    NovusDies wrote: »
    I wish I was not so cute. It is a curse. A curse I tell ya!

    I am joking.

    @AnnPT77 is probably cuter than she realizes. Of course I have always had a weakness for strong intelligent women so my crush on @AnnPT77 continues.

    I am not more confident now that I am getting closer to done. I don't think confidence has been a problem since I emerged from puberty. I do feel better though and that seems to be reactivating my long dormant charm gene. I am trying to deactivate it because it is interfering with my carefully crafted curmudgeon persona.

    Aww, that's sweet. Also :lol: .

    And a hug from granny because I think it makes you squirm ever so cutely.

    Apologies for the digression, OP.

    Back-on-topic afterthought: Possibly some people, in some places, implicitly think of obesity as a class marker. Like I said, I think varying class markers results in different treatment in some contexts.
  • ElizabethKalmbach
    ElizabethKalmbach Posts: 1,416 Member
    I firmly believe that it's confidence.

    I was *thin* and *shy* for most of my early life, into my late 20's. People were patronizing, yet friendly, but equally inclined to either over compensate for the "shy" or take advantage of it. It wasn't until I became physically STRONG and would look people in the eye with a very *take no excrement* attitude that they started being genuine and kind. When I put on a lot of weight while pregnant, they continued to be genuine and kind (if not kind of scared, because I wasn't a very *happy* pregnant lady) through the time that I continued to be over weight even after my daughter was born. Fewer people hit on me, but other than that, I continued to get roughly the same treatment everywhere - because I was meeting people's eyes dead on and they could feel me *reading them* and being unafraid to call them on their intentions and motivation.

  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,379 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    ......interfering with my carefully crafted curmudgeon persona.

    we may be kinfolk @NovusDies

  • victory291
    victory291 Posts: 15 Member
    I think it depends on where you live and what the culture is towards overweight people. I live in the Pacific NW and it’s not uncommon to be overweight. When I’ve traveled to other cities I feel more conspicuous as an overweight person, or maybe on an airplane.
    Honestly I think most people respond to me warmly and with respect as an obese person because those are the vibes that I give out when I interact with strangers. I’m tall with good posture, and I like to strike up conversation with people or share a laugh in passing. I think that puts most people at ease.
    When I was thin I was often stared at and asked out by strangers (men) because I was conventionally attractive and young. Now that definitely doesn’t happen. But I’m not treated as sub human, and I’m greatful for that. Again, it might be because of the culture of the city where I live and the fact I’m outgoing and friendly.
  • geraldaltman
    geraldaltman Posts: 1,739 Member
    edited November 2019
    Inter-related in my view. One has to have confidence to start and weight loss definitely gives confidence. Backing up almost a year explains my case. Ending 2018, I had no confidence and painful diminished mobility and I was heavy. I decided I had enough and got hip replacements. In May after second surgery I weighed 281 (probably more in months before). I knew that my best bet to cinch in the success of implants was to lose weight. As time passed and I found myself able to do more and lose more, my confidence grew more. I have dropped my weight to 240.6 as of yesterday and have seen improvement in all aspects of my health while my disposition and confidence has been higher, steadier than it has in a very long time.
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