Relationship anxiety

Just_Mel_

Does anyone else get relationship anxiety? Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy because I overthink and wonder "hey, do they still even like me??". I swear it's exhausting. I swore off dating for almost a year, now have been seeing someone for about a month. And this old stupid anxiety is creeping up again. It's so much easier to just keep walls up and not even let anyone in.
Is this a real thing? Or is it just me?

Reckoner68

Happened to me after a decade of marriage. It’s a real thing, but for me it sorta stemmed from a series of negative thoughts that I was buying into that really weren’t too healthy. It’s a killer though, it undermines trust and makes everything feel bad. I’d say look into it more—I’d be happy to steer you to any of the resources that helped me if you’re interested, just let me know. And good luck! It ain’t always easy to untangle ourselves

s131951

I agree with Reckoner and had a similar experience. In my marriage, both of us were questioning and that doesn't help overall. Ultimately, it didn't work. My ultimate feeling in that regard is to be secure in the fact that we love each other and love being around each other. Not to say taking it for granted or complacent, but not having to worry

isalsayourface123

My anxiety is definitely there. I dont want to ever be "stuck" in a relationship again. So I definitely flee the minute I feel things are not right. No real advice. I think though that over all how a person treats you or responds to simple things is something to pay attention to.

s131951

isalsayourface123 wrote: »

My anxiety is definitely there. I dont want to ever be "stuck" in a relationship again. So I definitely flee the minute I feel things are not right. No real advice. I think though that over all how a person treats you or responds to simple things is something to pay attention to.

I have fled as well. I may have been too sensitive to some things given feeling too numb to them in the past

peachvine29

Yes, it's a real thing, I'm the same way and it sucks. I would look up attachment theory and anxious attachment in particular. It definitely describes me at times.

nooshi713

I have felt this so much in the past but it was due to inconsistent behavior on the part of men I was dating. They were hot one minute, then cold the next. I would think things were great then they would ghost me. Never again.

You have to find someone that makes you feel wanted and amazing all the time. Anxiety is not necessary and you won’t have it with the right person.

KosmosKitten

So... I have this with people in general, not just romantic relationships, but friendships as well. It comes with the territory when you have generalized anxiety disorder and yes, it is 100% exhausting.

I am probably not a good person to ask advice from as this is my general "every day" existence and has been my entire life, but I can tell you that while sometimes, you know the voice is not rational that is either telling you "something is wrong" or "it's time to flee", sometimes, that voice is still correct and it becomes hard to distinguish between the real and the imagined.

"Does this person really care about me?"
"Why don't they talk to me often? Why do I always have to initiate?"
"They're just humoring me."
"They're avoiding me because they don't like me and don't know how to tell me otherwise."
"I feel I'm being used."

Sometimes, these thoughts are imagined, but sadly (for me), sometimes they were the truth, too. And when the truth overtakes your imagined fears, it becomes VERY hard to go back and trust again.

GoJohnGo71

That's why I won't date. Just prefer the occasional catch and release.

Just_Mel_

CanesGalactica wrote: »

So... I have this with people in general, not just romantic relationships, but friendships as well. It comes with the territory when you have generalized anxiety disorder and yes, it is 100% exhausting.

I am probably not a good person to ask advice from as this is my general "every day" existence and has been my entire life, but I can tell you that while sometimes, you know the voice is not rational that is either telling you "something is wrong" or "it's time to flee", sometimes, that voice is still correct and it becomes hard to distinguish between the real and the imagined.

"Does this person really care about me?"
"Why don't they talk to me often? Why do I always have to initiate?"
"They're just humoring me."
"They're avoiding me because they don't like me and don't know how to tell me otherwise."
"I feel I'm being used."

Sometimes, these thoughts are imagined, but sadly (for me), sometimes they were the truth, too. And when the truth overtakes your imagined fears, it becomes VERY hard to go back and trust again.

This. Plus, overthinking and reading way too much into texts. I hate it about myself.

LyndaBSS

My husband used to ask me all the time if I still loved him. At first, I thought it was due to something I was doing. I found out that his insecurity came from how his ex-wife had verbally abused him. That kind of treatment is long lasting.

If you can, figure out why you do it. It will help.

🧡

Motorsheen

It helps being a narcissist.

*shrug

cowsfan12

Relationships are hard just be yourself and let the chips fall - it takes me a minute to like someone cause I’m a skeptic - and i get in my head as you’re sayin t - just go with your gut be you and if it’s meant to be it’ll go your way 🤷‍♂️

mommabear4315

Just_Mel_ wrote: »

Does anyone else get relationship anxiety? Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy because I overthink and wonder "hey, do they still even like me??". I swear it's exhausting. I swore off dating for almost a year, now have been seeing someone for about a month. And this old stupid anxiety is creeping up again. It's so much easier to just keep walls up and not even let anyone in.
Is this a real thing? Or is it just me?

Nope it’s an on going thing. After 22 years of marriage I still have that anxiety. The thing is you always have to keep working at the relationship whether is 1 month, 1 year or 20 years. Always work at it. Til this day it still feels like we’re dating except with joint bank accounts lmao. Good luck and don’t fret enjoy it. You’ll know if he’s your match.

isalsayourface123

LyndaBSS wrote: »

My husband used to ask me all the time if I still loved him. At first, I thought it was due to something I was doing. I found out that his insecurity came from how his ex-wife had verbally abused him. That kind of treatment is long lasting.

If you can, figure out why you do it. It will help.

🧡

This.