Help with binge eating and mood disorder

kittykat7736

I’m 5’5 and about 220lbs. Though honestly I could be in lots worse shape considering I do yoga minimum 2x per week and work out. I work out on the Nimtendo Switch Ring Fit (I highly recommend for a fun full body workout) about an hour or till I reach about 200 or more calories burned 2x times on days I don’t do Yoga. I’m pretty strong and musclular tbh from working out so much at a high weight. When I tell people I weigh as much as I do they are often suprised I weigh so much for my overall size, usually guessing 30-50 less than I weigh, even doctors. Besides the point, I have an issue around my family of being the only overweight one and get usually picked on (I can tell they really mean no harm I’m just sensitive). This, or some other moment of self hated spins me out of control at night time and I can emotionally eat 1000s of calories at once at nighttime which makes me feel fat and bloated the next day, which feels bad and the cycle can repeat for days to weeks in a depressive spiral.

I can tell it’s more or less an addiction and mood issue, because this began after I kicked an addiction awhile back (hurray! atleast I’m not addicted to drugs anymore, this is a step up). I have never had a normal self image, I haven’t been a normal weight since I was 4, and had my first period at 9 (thanks PCOS). I also get migraines form artificial preservatives and sweeteners, so fake sugar drinks are out of the equation. The PCOS can cause monthly mood swing that resemble Bipolar so much I was misdiagnosed with it. Out of my family I’m the fat-*kitten* addict failure who can’t drive at 22 and get reminded of it often. Even if they don’t say anything, the is the emotional isolation from them hurts more because they don’t talk to me or open to me the same anymore.
Half the month is anxiety and depression and the week I start my mom period and the week after are the only times I’d call my moods normal, the rest of the month I get this sensation seeking behavior (food or drugs) because I’m nearly incapable of feeling satisfaction or interest half of my existence. I am the odd girl who begs for my period to start so I stop feeling like I have to crawl out of my skin or take drugs /food to feel something other than anxiety or depression. It’s like these feelings just start building around ovulation and the dam of constant irrational irritation breaks and ends within a 2 day span of bleeding. It’s insane how much I 180, both mood and IQ wise after weeks of building fogginess. I know the logical exact cause of my problems, yet once that not giving a *kitten* attitude starts half the month, I start giving up on my future again because I know I’ll have to feel like *kitten* for half my life for because of my generally unsolvable hormone issues. I’m only 22 and it’s only downhill hormonally as I get older, Any women with hormone issues got tips for stopping the depressive-eating cycle before it starts?
I’m on birth control and it’s improved, any birth control that prevents periods it infinitely worse.

ploomka

Thank you for being brave and sharing your struggles. That sounds really hard. Sending you big virtual hugs from the vast interwebs.

Not sure if my tips will help you, but this is what I did to help myself: I cut sugar, flour, and alcohol from my diet and pretty much cured my hormone issues. I’m older than you, but I struggled with hormone issues my entire life, was diagnosed with a dozen psychological/mood disorders, and have had addiction issues with alcohol and food.

It was hard to cut out sugar entirely, but I did it slowly, one sugar item at a time, then cut flour slowly one item at a time. I did not restrict my calories during this, as I wanted to make sure I was focused on getting rid of the sugar, not dieting. I replaced my frequent ice cream routine with berries and half and half, replaced a cookie habit with pecans and cacao nibs. I rarely do sweeteners, tho I will occasionally eat things sweetened with erythritol, which is all natural and you can find an unprocessed non-gmo version. Same with monk fruit.

Since cutting sugar and flour, I cured my food addiction, which was really just sugar/quick carbs addiction. No more mood-fueled binges, no more food-induced self-hatred. 7 months and counting.

I hope you find something that works for you as well as this has worked for me. I wish you the best in your endeavors!! (((Hugs)))

mrschwarten

That's quite a load you've got...I'm glad that you're here sharing with us!

After a good amount of cognitive behavioral therapy with a doctor that was a good fit, my binge eating disorder turned out to be masked generalized anxiety with a splash of depression. Eating was my coping mechanism. Once I recognized that, I was able to take steps to manage. Have you had the opportunity to, with appropriate help, get to the roots of things? As for your family troubles, there are other people in your life who are your family too, your 'chosen family'. Count on them!
Be self-aware. Is your family saying/doing things that are actually harmful, or are you projecting? It's a hard question to ask and even harder to answer, and no one is immune. I still have moments where I am convinced that my husband secretly hates me. 22 sucks. There's so much pressure. Then I made it to 23, then 25, then 28, on and on...it gets better, once you become more secure in yourself. But it takes self-reflection, uncomfortable questions, truthful answers, time, and hard work.
Have you tried different birth controls? I struggled as well until I settled on the perfect match. Perhaps even you can look into other hormone stabilizers too. Good luck, your MFP family is here for you!