Great first date, sort of

thereshegoesagain
thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
edited December 2019 in Chit-Chat
I had a coffee date this morning. It went so well that we walked to the market and bought a bag of carrots to feed to some horses and goats which were about a 2 mile walk away. After that, we decided to go to brunch together. He's funny, a gentleman, even sang to me as we slow danced for the horses.
But once we were sitting across from each other, I noticed he's missing several of his front lower teeth and he has horrible table manners.
Am I shallow for thinking these are deal breakers? How can I tactfully bring up these things without being judgemental?
We had great dynamics, but I don't know if I can deal with these issues.
Your thoughts please.
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Replies

  • mtndewme
    mtndewme Posts: 724 Member
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    I had a coffee date this morning. It went so well that we walked to the market and bought a bag of carrots to feed to some horses and goats which were about a 2 mile walk away. After that, we decided to go to brunch together. He's funny, a gentleman, even sang to me as we slow danced for the horses.
    But once we were sitting across from each other, I noticed he's missing several of his front lower teeth and he has horrible table manners.
    Am I shallow for thinking these are real breakers? How can I tactfully bring up these things without being judgemental?
    We had great dynamics, but I don't know if I can deal with these issues.
    Your thoughts please.

    You like what you like. It's only the first date so it's not like you're super invested. You could even go on another date to be sure. Question is, are you attracted to him? At all? If no just say that, you don't have to bring up specifics.
  • slessofme
    slessofme Posts: 7,739 Member
    There are a lot of different factors that play into attraction. It's possible he's in the process of resolving the dental issues. If so and the table manners remained the same, would you be able to accept him? If not, say it was nice to meet him and move on. I'm not a big believer in providing specifics about why I'm not interested in someone. I don't set the standard for what is acceptable and there's no reason to make someone feel like your opinion is shared by all single ladies.
  • thereshegoesagain
    thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
    I really did like him, otherwise I wouldn't be so torn about what to do
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,365 Member
    The missing teeth wouldn't bother me since there's a good chance I'll be in the same boat some day, at least temporarily, due to some badly botched dental surgery a few years ago. Horrible table manners might well be a dealbreaker though. I've dined with people whose table manners were so awful they put me off my own food, and that's not going to work longterm.
  • happimess01
    happimess01 Posts: 9,071 Member
    So you want to know if you should sink your teeth into this relationship knowing he can't? lol since you really like him, I'd suggest you go on a second date and then decide.
  • goatg
    goatg Posts: 1,399 Member
    Omg. They would be huge deal breakers for me.

    That said --I'm guessing he's at least self-conscious about the teeth. If you're serious about him you could gently probe as to what happened and whether or not it'll be addressed.
    Poor manners are super unattractive to me and I have dated a few people who leave a bit to be desired in this category (not to mention, I myself am imperfect). Generally I find that if it's just a matter of ignorance/education and they're generally not defensive then they're happy to be taught how to act/dress/whatever better. If they however approach the issue with defensiveness then that's generally a red flag and it's time to goooooooo.
  • XxFunctionalStrengthxX
    XxFunctionalStrengthxX Posts: 2,466 Member
    It's only a first date, so not a lot of investment. As others have mentioned, you're allowed any kind of deal breakers you'd like. If it's things you can accept, then they aren't that important.

    But, to me, I could overlook the dental issue if they might be working on it as physical attraction plays an important part of a relationship. Though, bad manners are an instant deal breaker and would cut it then and there if they don't understand or care the mannerisms.
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,841 Member
    kam26001 wrote: »
    When will someone ever serenade me. :frown:

    I wanna see the horses. :frown:

    I'll serenade you, but you gotta provide the horses.
  • TarryTaffy
    TarryTaffy Posts: 883 Member
    edited December 2019
    Over 30, it's unlikely table manners will change, unless it's 1 thing, like slurping soup or talking with a full mouth. Easier to mention 1 thing than the complete way someone savages a meal. I've known the latter, btw... they never seem to think they have bad table manners cuz they've always eaten that way.

    As far as teeth, am I too Pollyanna in thinking he may be waiting on dental implants or crowns/bridges? Probably not the case, but if I were going to bring it up, I guess that's how I'd broach it.

    Still... I doubt I have the guts to do so & would either choose to deal with it or say it's too much of a turn off. No idea how to bring up either without risking offending & having him think I'm only criticizing. Then again, I've known far too many people with violent tempers, so I shy away from confrontation.

    Although, I'd be interested to hear what verbiage others would use, if they'd did feel comfortable discussing it.

    Good luck, whichever you choose.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    I doubt the table manners would bother me much, unless it was something really extreme like a friend of mine who sucks/licks salt off her fingers ((shudder)) My husband eats fast, like rudely fast, and I don't mind it.

    But the teeth thing would bug me a lot. Just being honest. If it was one tooth, maybe not so much...but several? I dunno. I guess it depends how much you like the guy.
  • GymGoddessGoals
    GymGoddessGoals Posts: 2,146 Member
    It would be a deal breaker for me.
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    edited December 2019
    I usually judge a dinner date on how well treats and tips the server. Does he say his please and thank yous. I think it’s adorable how he was being himself and enjoying his food like no one was watching him. I just can’t deal with burping out loud.

    If your ok with his back story about his teeth and I think it’s very important you know because what if someone knocked him out?? I’d question why he’s being smacked around, his character might have something to do with it. Red flag. And his hygiene. I’d question... why is he teeth falling out??? just like that?? gum disease? Maybe his parents couldn’t afford dental care growing up and hes paying for it now not his fault it happens 🤷‍♀️

    If I was older in age I’d have more understanding about the the teeth thing. Teeth get old🤷‍♀️

  • TarryTaffy
    TarryTaffy Posts: 883 Member
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    He and I talked on the phone for 2 and a half hours last night, yes he sang to me again.
    I cautiously asked about his teeth and it was a recent thing and he's hoping to get them fixed between Christmas and the new year! I'm so glad I brought it up.
    Poor table manners are that he shovels huge portions of food in his mouth. I kind of made a joke about it but will try to find a way to directly address it next time we eat together.
    We have a date for Saturday night and maybe a lunch this Thursday.

    You're my heroine. I'd have no idea how to broach the subject, so this is great. Good work on working with something/one, who may turn out to be a wonderful choice for you! I wish you the best & please continue to update... I'm learning.
  • neilmoomey
    neilmoomey Posts: 33 Member
    edited December 2019
    Perhaps he's not aware of his table manners. Go on another date and be honest with him. So what if you hurt his feelings. Being rejected will hurt his feelings too, trust me, but he will get over it and be a better man in the end. As a man I admire women who are honest and straight forward. Men don't hold grudges as long as you are honest. Teeth can be fixed. If it's important to you and he's in love he will fix them. I've been on dates and been honest with women several times. They took it pretty hard. One time I was kicked out of her house. But after six months we were good friends again.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    edited December 2019


    He sounds really sweet and thoughtful so hope it works out whichever way you'd like it to.
  • happimess01
    happimess01 Posts: 9,071 Member
    TarryTaffy wrote: »
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    He and I talked on the phone for 2 and a half hours last night, yes he sang to me again.
    I cautiously asked about his teeth and it was a recent thing and he's hoping to get them fixed between Christmas and the new year! I'm so glad I brought it up.
    Poor table manners are that he shovels huge portions of food in his mouth. I kind of made a joke about it but will try to find a way to directly address it next time we eat together.
    We have a date for Saturday night and maybe a lunch this Thursday.

    You're my heroine. I'd have no idea how to broach the subject, so this is great. Good work on working with something/one, who may turn out to be a wonderful choice for you! I wish you the best & please continue to update... I'm learning.

    So true! With her last two posts and now this one, i feel like she is a pro at this. Imma sit here and take notes

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