Hello... new person...

FirecrackerJess

Hi, my name is Jess.

I have had this app on my phone now for about 2 weeks or so, and only now just realized there was a website and a community, blogs, etc. Totally missed that, until I noticed it updating or syncing and I was like, "what are you syncing to?" And then saw the small note on the bottom listing the website address.

I am 29 years old and I am 5 feet 1-2 inches and weight about 269-273 depending on what scale I use in the isle at Walmart... so yeah, not really sure, need to get my own but I was laid off actually just about when I started this journey to try and get better... let me tell you it was depressing and it almost made me give up before I even started. But I didn't, I still haven't but it is very hard trying to stay positive, workout, eat better, when you feel like crap, stressed about finding another job, and have classes that start in a week.

I have tried before and have always failed. I am afraid at failing again or at not seeing any results and becoming discouraged. I also have about no support. It's as if everyone is waiting for me to give up. My sister and even my niece and nephews mock me. I am not really sure what I am doing, what's right, what is wrong in trying to get better.

I walk every night (unless its raining or storming, which don't happen often but its monsoon season where I am now so...). I walk about 2 miles or 40-50 minutes which usually equals about 1.85-2.20 miles depending. I bought a watch that tells me my heart rate manually, so I usually am walking at about a 135 heart rate, sometimes between 121-146. Depends on speed and my energy level that day. I also have a XBOX Kinect and I have been using the video game You Shape Fitness 2012. Again I have no idea what I am doing, and usually just do what I like. Mostly what is in the Warm Up section and the Cardio section.

I started to try and lose weight again to try and help me get better, to try and focus on me. Also a bit because I'm just tired of being me. Tired of not liking who I am, and not being able to believe anyone who says something nice about me. I mean if I don't like how I look, how can anyone else possibly? When you can't believe someone saying something nice about you, it really hurts, because you want to believe it but you don't because you can't believe it yourself. I'm tired of hating what I see in the mirror, or being the fat one.

I can't even wear the girl shirts they sell at my University, to show my school pride, or anything because I don't even fit in the girls largest shirts. Sure I could wear a big guys shirt, but they are not the same. It may seem silly, but its simple things like that, that really bother me. I go to a University that has a party rep, a rep for having 'hot' girls, and knowing I am not one of them, sucks. Wondering if people judge me, because I judge myself, or sitting in a desk that is small and hurts but I don't want to say anything because its embarrassing.

I'm trying really hard, and doing more than I have the other times I've tried. I just have a lot of things going on right now, losing my job, school starting again, bills racking up because I lost my job, and not having any support. Plus the one person who might have given me support had to go away just before I started, and that really sucked.

I've always felt alone, and I am doing this alone. Not sure what I am doing, what I should be doing. I don't have a gym membership because I can't afford one. I will be able to go to the school's gym, but again... I just feel so bad about myself, I find it hard to make myself go in there, full of those 'hot girls' my school has a rep for.

Maybe I can try and log on to this site more often, and see, learn, I don't know.

adamalle

Hey Jess,

This is a great community here. Add some decent, supportive people and you'll see the loss in no time.

I've added you

FirecrackerJess

Thanks.

AnitraSoto

Welcome!! Feel free to add me - I am on here every day and would love to be able to support you :-)

JLN1974

Feel free to add me as well. I would be happy to support you. I know what you mean about life getting in the way. Last year I knew I needed to do something about my weight, but with my mum ill and money troubles I just didn't have the get up and go to do it. This year things are no better, but I found some willpower on the 1st January and I have stuck with it. Trying not to comfort eat and stick to MFP has been the best thing I have ever done for my health. I don't get a lot of time for exercise with two young children and no money for gyms etc, but I walk as much as I can and try to get out on my bike (when my husband is around to take care of the kids). I feel so much better for it & once you start to see a difference it spurs you on. Do it for yourself! Actually I went out for my mum's birthday yesterday and ate a big meal and I feel awful for it, but this time it is not guilt as I had allowed for it and was not going to beat myself up. But my stomach has obviously shrunk and although I feel rough, I am elated to find I simply cannot physically overeat anymore! It will be a hard journey but every small milestone will make it worthwhile!

kregerems

Hi Jess, and welcome. You can add me, and you'll find I'm on here posting almost daily and am more than willing to be a sounding board and to give encouragement. Use your depressed mood to help you, what I mean is by exercising you will create endorphins that will actually help curb the depression. Believe me I know, I had suffered from deep depression for years and was on medication for it and High Blood pressure. When I started to work out, I found I did not need those meds and the Doctors agreed. I sometimes push my self to get up and workout, but most days I look forward to it and the challenge that it gives me. So again welcome to the community.

TruckersWifeTruckersLife

Hello Jess I don't have a gym membership as my closest gym is 45 minutes drive away. I do walking outside when the weather lets me today I got caught in a hail storm came out of nowhere. I have downloaded free Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, Leslie Sansone walk at home 3 and 4 miles for when it is raining I put them on my thumbdrive and do them through the dvd player. You will get a lot of support on here we are here even on your darkest days to cheer you up and put you in the right direction.
Friends request sent

medavidcook

Welcome,

Feel free to add me for extra support

maktastic

Hey - welcome aboard! What you are right now does not define you. What you do about it does and you are working on it! Think how great you'll feel when you manage to get into that school shirt I think most people on here are afraid to fail or worried about getting discouraged but having a support network helps. Feel free to add me

You can do this.

ssm_1972

Hi, welcome all for mutual support system !!

christarae1

Hey Jess, believe me when I say that you are not alone! So many of us have a similar story. So many times I have tried to lose weight only to gain it back. Its fristrating, depressing, among many other feelings!! I exercise all of the time, but am unable to lose weight doing that alone. I promise that if you start logging your foods and exercise, and stay within your range, you will start to lose. Ive been here about 3 weeks and have lost 7#! And thats having several cheat days!! Logging your food is VERY important! If you can do that, your gonna do great!! You have tons of people here to support you!! This site and the people on this site are AMAZING!!! You can do this!! We all have faith in you! You just have to believe in yourself!! I would love to be your friend!! Feel free to add!!!

cowgirlboots2

Hi Jess. I know how you feel. I also have tried to lose weight only to give up and gain more. I started this diet plan back in the being of the year and lost several pounds. Then smart me decided I could do it on my own. BAD IDEA!!!! I gained back everything plus. I just started back agian. I know it works and you will lose weight so lets you and I stick together and lose some weight. Don't get discouraged if it dosen't come off as fast as you like, it takes time and work. YOU can do this. Hope to talk to you again soon. By the way I'm Linda.

FirecrackerJess

Thank you everyone. I am going to try and use the blog feature on here, to kind of see where I am from now and then. I'm hoping to pick up a scale somewhere cheap, still out of a job, and using the ones at the store, its hard to keep track since they are all different all the time.

Anna2328

Except the part about going to school, Jess, you've written exactly how I feel. I feel like a total failure. I have totally let myself go. 18 months ago I lost 60 pounds and was so proud of myself. Over the past 8 - 10 months I've gained 45 of of it back! And for the stupidest reason. I was hoping my weight loss and healthier lifestyle would inspire my husband to join me at the gym. But when he didn't I slowly but surely began to give up. I figured why bother? If he doesn't care about himself or how I look then why should I. I know that's defeatist thinking but I gave into it. Now I'm almost back at square one. I could kick myself!

FirecrackerJess

Yeah it is hard when you seem to be alone trying to do something.

anabellarella

Hi jess,
Here to support!
Feel free to add me

FirecrackerJess

Thank you.