Should we try to make friends with the resolutioners?
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I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.
I just said something similar to this in the other thread. I could not agree more.
(And imagine if you welcomed someone assuming they were a newbie and they turned out to just be someone who normally worked out at a different time!)
I can not agree more. Honestly, I just don't see why there is so much attention and energy put into this. I don't know everyone at my gym and couldn't tell who is a newbie or not. There are a couple of regulars who have such poor form and technique that you might think they are if you didn't know better.
Other than being a polite and considerate human being, I don't owe anyone anything at the gym. Newbies are going to do what they are going to do and I'm not responsible for their decisions or choices as to whether to stick with it or not. If someone would ask for my help and I felt knowledgeable enough to answer their question, I would gladly do it. But, I am under no obligation to other gym goes to be their new buddy.4 -
The prospect of navigating the social aspects of the gym is why I opted to put together a home gym and I'll be forever grateful for that decision.
I've never belonged to a commercial gym but I never fully felt like I belonged there when I would go to the rec center in college. I'd routinely go late at night to avoid crowds and still didn't dare wander over to the weight room more than once or twice. The rowing machines were relegated to a corner of the indoor track and there was a single lonely weight bench/rack nearby where I could do some limited lifting. I felt like that's all I deserved, who was I kidding? I'm a nerdy engineer, not a weightlifter. In hindsight I so wish I believed in myself enough at that time, and was educated enough on how to properly train to have made better use of that facility. I don't know that anyone making friendly overtures would've made much of a difference but had someone reinforced the negative thoughts with which I was already plagued it definitely would've been detrimental.
TL;DR - I don't think it should be the responsibility of gym members to actively try to retain new members but they have just as much right to be there as everyone else, don't be a jerk for the sake of gatekeeping.4 -
The closest to social I get at the gym is "Are you done with that?".1
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Other than being a polite and considerate human being, I don't owe anyone anything at the gym. Newbies are going to do what they are going to do and I'm not responsible for their decisions or choices as to whether to stick with it or not. If someone would ask for my help and I felt knowledgeable enough to answer their question, I would gladly do it. But, I am under no obligation to other gym goes to be their new buddy.
I said something similar on another forum, and people tore into me for being "judgy" and unfriendly.
Sorry, but my gym time is MY gym time. I don't think it's being selfish to want to use the gym as intended instead of assuming the responsibility of being a one-man welcoming committee.
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I can see where you are coming from, and I agree with you. I go to the gym to work out, not be Social and 99% of the time I have my earbuds in with music blaring so its unlikely I would hear anyone trying to talk to me anyways. I also agree that we should all be decent humans and be polite, smile, and politely acknowledge each other when someone does try to initiate a conversation.
I think most gym goers are polite and courteous. On rare occasions I have seen downright rude behavior from "regulars" though, and it makes me sad and angry when I do. I recently saw a very obese man in my gym working out with a trainer for a few weeks, then I noticed he started coming on his own. It had been a few months and he happened to be there around the same time I was. I though how awesome it was to see him sticking to it, even though you could clearly see how hard it was for him. One day I while working out there is a couple near me, both very fit and clearly knew what they were doing. I'd seen them before but normally were not there during my normal workout times. I overhear them talking about the other gentleman and saying things like I don't know whey they even let him in here, nobody wants to see that, and that particular exercise would be easy for a 3yr old and look at him struggle. They then proceeded to critique his form and body.
It costs nothing in this world to be kind, but you absolutely do not need to try to make new friends either.1 -
Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.1 -
Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.
Absolutely, this makes me properly ragy in the pool.
I respect everyone's right to be there, I don't care how fast you move.
But if you are just going to stand and have a chat for 45 mins get out of my flipping way!
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littlegreenparrot1 wrote: »Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.
Absolutely, this makes me properly ragy in the pool.
I respect everyone's right to be there, I don't care how fast you move.
But if you are just going to stand and have a chat for 45 mins get out of my flipping way!
Yeah, already had to deal with the a new girl at the gym.
She used the squat rack for about 2hrs. That's rude enough as it is, but all but about 15 minutes of it was spent taking selfies, playing on her phone and then a friend showed up and she chatted with her for about 30 minutes. She brought a blanket and had her bag in the back of the rack too and was camping out after each set. Oh...and each set was one rep and at least 10 minutes between each!0 -
friends ??1
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I am glad that you folks agree about not treating the gym as a social club.
I mentioned discussing this topic on another forum. Some of the people there got angry at this suggestion. Somehow, they interpreted "not treating the gym as a social club" to mean "let's be hostile to the newbies."
The gym isn't meant to be a hangout, and I don't think we should encourage this way of thinking. That's yet another problem I have with the whole "Try to befriend the resolutioners" idea. It's likely to encourage this kind of behavior from people who are already inclined to treat the gym as their place for kaffeeklatsches.
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liftingbro wrote: »littlegreenparrot1 wrote: »Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.
Absolutely, this makes me properly ragy in the pool.
I respect everyone's right to be there, I don't care how fast you move.
But if you are just going to stand and have a chat for 45 mins get out of my flipping way!
Yeah, already had to deal with the a new girl at the gym.
She used the squat rack for about 2hrs. That's rude enough as it is, but all but about 15 minutes of it was spent taking selfies, playing on her phone and then a friend showed up and she chatted with her for about 30 minutes. She brought a blanket and had her bag in the back of the rack too and was camping out after each set. Oh...and each set was one rep and at least 10 minutes between each!
There isn't a button that accurately expresses my sympathy. Let's just say my first response was audibly saying, "two hours?!" and then putting my head in my hand 🤦♂️0 -
Unfortunately, that kind of behavior is more common among resolutioners. This may offend some, but IME it's true.liftingbro wrote: »
She used the squat rack for about 2hrs. That's rude enough as it is, but all but about 15 minutes of it was spent taking selfies, playing on her phone and then a friend showed up and she chatted with her for about 30 minutes. She brought a blanket and had her bag in the back of the rack too and was camping out after each set. Oh...and each set was one rep and at least 10 minutes between each!
This has nothing to do with being a mere beginner. It has everything to do with being a beginner who hasn't done basic research on exercise and who doesn't approach the gym with a determined mindset. For obvious reasons, that's going to be more prevalent among people who wait until the holiday festivities to start.
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Unfortunately, that kind of behavior is more common among resolutioners. This may offend some, but IME it's true.liftingbro wrote: »
She used the squat rack for about 2hrs. That's rude enough as it is, but all but about 15 minutes of it was spent taking selfies, playing on her phone and then a friend showed up and she chatted with her for about 30 minutes. She brought a blanket and had her bag in the back of the rack too and was camping out after each set. Oh...and each set was one rep and at least 10 minutes between each!
This has nothing to do with being a mere beginner. It has everything to do with being a beginner who hasn't done basic research on exercise and who doesn't approach the gym with a determined mindset. For obvious reasons, that's going to be more prevalent among people who wait until the holiday festivities to start.
I think it's more than that actually. You can be a beginner who hasn't done much if any research and still not have the large amount of entitlement that it takes to hold up a piece of equipment that other people want to use for two hours while seemingly curling up in a blanket for 10 min between each set. That's not event addressing the issue of half an hour of chatting with a friend and 15 min of selfies.1 -
Unfortunately, that kind of behavior is more common among resolutioners. This may offend some, but IME it's true.liftingbro wrote: »
She used the squat rack for about 2hrs. That's rude enough as it is, but all but about 15 minutes of it was spent taking selfies, playing on her phone and then a friend showed up and she chatted with her for about 30 minutes. She brought a blanket and had her bag in the back of the rack too and was camping out after each set. Oh...and each set was one rep and at least 10 minutes between each!
This has nothing to do with being a mere beginner. It has everything to do with being a beginner who hasn't done basic research on exercise and who doesn't approach the gym with a determined mindset. For obvious reasons, that's going to be more prevalent among people who wait until the holiday festivities to start.
I think it's more than that actually. You can be a beginner who hasn't done much if any research and still not have the large amount of entitlement that it takes to hold up a piece of equipment that other people want to use for two hours while seemingly curling up in a blanket for 10 min between each set. That's not event addressing the issue of half an hour of chatting with a friend and 15 min of selfies.
What's probably most irritating to me, along with the two hour in the rack, is taking 15 mins selfies just to post on social media like "Everyone look at me in the gym!!!" and then not show up at the gym until next New Year.
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liftingbro wrote: »littlegreenparrot1 wrote: »Some will probably disagree with me on the following point. That's okay, as I don't think it's central to the issue at hand.
I personally think we should be amiable and open to making friends, but without treating the gym as a social club. Some of you know what I'm talking about. A lot of people do treat the gym as a place to hang out with friends, and I think that's ultimately detrimental. It's not that you can't have friends there, but that it's not meant to be a place for socializing.
Some posters have complained about this sort of thing. Chatty cathies who attend exercise classes, but who mostly gab throughout the class. People lounging on the equipment, chatting with their friends. And so forth. I personally find that this sort of behavior makes it harder for me to get my workouts done.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I don't want to encourage the notion that the gym is meant to be a place for hanging out and making friends. If you do make friends, that's great, but the gym is meant to be a place for hard work, not a hangout where you strike up long conversations with your buddies.
Again, feel free to disagree.
Absolutely, this makes me properly ragy in the pool.
I respect everyone's right to be there, I don't care how fast you move.
But if you are just going to stand and have a chat for 45 mins get out of my flipping way!
Yeah, already had to deal with the a new girl at the gym.
She used the squat rack for about 2hrs. That's rude enough as it is, but all but about 15 minutes of it was spent taking selfies, playing on her phone and then a friend showed up and she chatted with her for about 30 minutes. She brought a blanket and had her bag in the back of the rack too and was camping out after each set. Oh...and each set was one rep and at least 10 minutes between each!
"May I work in ?"
"Oh... but I'm using this equipment."
"No You're Not."5 -
I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.
I just said something similar to this in the other thread. I could not agree more.
(And imagine if you welcomed someone assuming they were a newbie and they turned out to just be someone who normally worked out at a different time!)
I’ve been injured more times than I can count and after each rehab, I’ve ended up doing my return to running plan at the high school track. By pure coincidence, I ended up doing that portion of my training in January-3 years in a row. The last year one of the other (Chatty) track-users said “back at it for another try this year?” In a casual, friendly way. It took me a bit to realize he assumed I was a failed resolutioner back for another year. He seemed genuinely surprised when he saw me several times later in the year. Meh.
Also (referencing injury rehabs) have had times where I thought I might need to join a gym because although I have a fully outfitted gym in my basement, I don’t necessarily have equipment that is appropriate for use during rehab from all of my assorted injuries. So I would have joined somewhere at an astronomical month to month rate - and stayed for the 6 (maybe) weeks that I needed to before I could safely workout in my home gym.
Another gym dropout....
I don’t see any reason to be openly hostile to anyone. Nor to be presumptive about anyone’s attendance patterns or start date. I also don’t see any reason to try and make friends with anyone just because (especially based on assumptions).
It doesn’t cost anything to be a kind human-but that should be regardless if you’re interacting with a new person or someone that’s been there 20 years.
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A lot of new faces this evening but not super crowded. I just wish these new people would learn to wipe off the equipment 🙄. I think I may try and get my butt there in the morning instead of after work. At least for a while until it inevitably thins out.0
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I think it's more than that actually. You can be a beginner who hasn't done much if any research and still not have the large amount of entitlement that it takes to hold up a piece of equipment that other people want to use for two hours while seemingly curling up in a blanket for 10 min between each set. That's not event addressing the issue of half an hour of chatting with a friend and 15 min of selfies.
That's a totally valid point. I think it falls under the general category of "not working out with the right mindset" that I mentioned earlier.
Let's face it. Someone who has resolve and genuinely wants to make progress isn't going to waste time with a ton of selfies and excessive chatting. Those are the earmarks of people who figure they should go to the gym, but don't have their head in the game and don't really want to pour in the sweat equity.
Which raises another point. Well-intentioned, magnanimous people often defend the resolutioner onslaught by saying, "At least they're trying! At least they want to make a change!" That's not totally without merit. Honestly though -- and I know that this will anger some people -- I'm not terribly impressed with merely wanting to make a change. After all, just about anyone will say that they want to be thinner, or stronger, or otherwise in better shape. The question is, are they willing to do what's required to accomplish that goal?
Nor do I think that simply "trying" is particularly praiseworthy. After all, if you give up after a few days, did you really try? In a sense, perhaps, but not by much. It's like trying to do a 5K race but giving up after the first hundred feet. It may be "trying" in a general sense, but it's not a sign of significant resolve.2 -
I've lived in my area for a number of years and know a fair number of people at my gym from work, kid's school, church, etc., and will sometimes step out of the way and visit for a few minutes during a workout.
The last 2 "strangers" that approached me and tried to start a conversation were Advocare MLM clowns.
Don't need friends like that.0 -
Lol, it's my job to do so. One thing I can say though, there are many regular gym members who are very annoyed by them. Gotta remember that that person who looks lost on a piece of equipment was them at one time. A little help with them goes a long way and puts a good impression.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
3
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