Please help :-(

butterfly_2019

Hi All

I really want to get serious about losing this weight but I'm stuck in that cycle of sticking to it for 2-3 days then I eat something "bad" and the whole cycle begins again and again and I'm kinda fedup of it as I've been like this for a good 12 months but I don't quite know how to get myself out of this. I've even on Monday joined WW's thinking that old chestnut of "maybe a different app will help me lose" but deep down I knew after a few days of sticking to it I'd eat something "bad" then feel bad, feel like a failure, tell myself I'm stupid for eating the "bad"...The "bad" I refer to was a bag of walkers crisps, a bounty bar and a slice of cake last night and the minute I ate I get all those negative feelings and thinking why can't I just stick to it!!!!

I recognise this issue myself but I can't seem to stop feeling like this. For reference, I'm 12st 2lb, 5ft 3in, 35yrs and want to lose maybe 24lb at the most. I don't like exercise (or so my mind tells me) but I WANT to exercise but that motivation is just not there or I think about working out that much that I end up talking myself out of it. I walk approx 11k steps per day (45min morning commute and 30min evening commute), I have a desk job but because of my steps I set my activity level to Lightly Active which gives me 1520 daily calorie goal. I love wine, I have wine Friday and Saturday and will include this in my calorie goal....When I'm focused I am sooo focused but that usually lasts 2-4 days then I eat something that my mind says is bad and I end up eating crap and thinking "I'll start again tomorrow"...I just dont want to be in this position anymore.

I've overloaded my brain/mind that much with research/videos/blogs on Intermittent Fasting, Low Carb, High Fat, how 0% fat stuff is't good for you and we should eat more fats and less carbs and now I feel bad following weightwatchers because they are up for all this 0% fat and low fat foods (they are less points) and when I'm eating 0% fat greek yogurt I'm like "oh god, imagine all the sugar in this now"......Arrrggghhhh!

I just don't know what to do or how to learn to be kind to myself.

I also don't have any medical conditions or anything like that for me to follow a low carb diet as I did before my summer holiday and gained it all back again anyway!

Any advice from people who have been in similar situations would be greatly appreciated.

:-(

elisa123gal

a bit of tough love here. a new program or a post from one of us isn't going to save you. You just have to do it yourself. You can stick to a new eating plan and lose your weight; you are not a victim or helpless. You're making an excuse to abandon your health efforts because you fall off the wagon one time? so if you are not perfect you're just going to stay overweight? see how silly that is?

The key to getting to your goal or any goal in life is overall consistency ... that means when you make a mistake you move on and keep going and make it right. If any of us quit when we made mistake or ate off plan none of us would reach our goals.

deannalfisher

step 1) - STOP thinking of foods as bad - every time you do that you cause issues. Foods (as long as its not rotten, something you are allergic too etc) - is all fine in moderation. If you want something plan it into your calories for the day

harveyj_88

Nothing wrong with eating a chocolate bar or a packet of crisp. Just make sure you can it within your daily calories

Every day I have 30g of salted peanuts and maybe a hazelnut chocolate every other day only a snack size one. The key to weight loss for me is to count those calories and try not to over eat. Although we know we've all over eaten but get straight back on the calorie counting the next day. Long term you will lose if you stick to that.

So maybe try not to avoid all bad foods for you straight away try and have small bad foods and ease yourself off.

You can do this, you need to have the mentality that you can do this.

88olds

Try this- You seem to understand that the concept of “bad” food and the way your brain uses it is to defeat your efforts. Push back. Food is food. You need calories to live. If you were stranded on and island with nothing to eat but 800 bags of crips it is doubtful that you would be calling crisps bad. Push back. Weight loss is mostly a matter of problem solving. Over and over and over. There’s no end really. Every day has new challenges.

Plus its just not possible to do weight loss for long without missteps. And there are a lot of ways to make mistakes- everything from misread NI, misread menus, and bad math to inadequate planning, lack of focus due to fatigue and plain old bad decisions. Lots of ways to make mistakes. But mistakes do not equal failure. The only way to fail is to quit.

So going forward mistakes and missteps are just that and not failure. Food choices are not bad or good. They are either helpful or unhelpful or maybe not so helpful in meeting your goals. Even wine, while not exactly the best diet choice, can be helpful to your program if it helps make your life enjoyable while fitting in your numbers.

Do you use a food scale? One reason I want accurate counting is to make sure I’m getting enough. It’s always are two part analysis 1) are you losing weight? 2) are you satisfied with how you are living? Deprivation is a plan killer. It’s not just a matter of beating ourselves into submission.

This time start your food diary and never stop. The process is more important than the numbers. Set up a program for weekly official weigh ins. What you want is a loss at the end of the week. Over time you will find that what happens in one meal or even one day doesn’t define the entire week. If you find yourself dissatisfied with your progress after several weeks, go back and review your diary. The issues you need to address should be recorded there.

Going forward embrace the entire process, not the short term results. Know this- calorie counting works given enough time. There’s a learning curve. You aren’t going to get there in 3 days or a week or even 3 weeks. Give it time. Right now if your brain is screaming that you aren’t the kind of person to keep a food diary or stick with it past even one misstep, tell your brain to shut up. It’s your life, you have a right to decide things for yourself and you want to give this a fair test. About 6 weeks. You’ll see it works.

And this- it works if you’re losing weight. Setting out to lose 1 lb and only losing .4 isn’t failure. Its just not as good as you had hoped. Time will be on your side if you let it.

puffbrat

deannalfisher wrote: »

step 1) - STOP thinking of foods as bad - every time you do that you cause issues. Foods (as long as its not rotten, something you are allergic too etc) - is all fine in moderation. If you want something plan it into your calories for the day

This! Stopping thinking of these foods as bad or a sign of failure. Just think of them as food. If they put your over your allotted calories for the day, then just call it an off-day or a lesson and move forward. Take the judgement out of the equation.

fatoldladyonamission

No food is bad food, just the kind of food you mean is calorie dense so if you eat that stuff overall you'll end up eating less to stay in a deficit. I like to get as much food as I can for my calories so I will plan out very carefully what I'm going to have each day. There's a few go to foods I have regularly which you'll be able to see if you look at my diary. None are hugely calorie dense and I try to avoid meals that are more than 500 calories. I don't avoid any food groups at all.

That said though, what works for me may not work for you but the one thing I would say is a meme I saw the other day that said, "If you're fed up with starting over, stop giving up." Seems so simple though it isn't always. For me I just decided one day that I didn't want to be this fat any more and I've stuck with it for 141 days. My mantra being "Today is the last day I'll be this fat." Find something that resonates with you and use it. Masker yourself busy when you want to snack and if you do snack on something you wish you hadn't, draw a line under it and move on. Don't use it as an excuse to eat more because you've already blown today.

Ultimately only you can do it but there's a lot of support from people doing the same thing right here. Good luck and keep going!

NovusDies

Bad food is food you do not like to eat or food that causes a medical reaction like an allergy. Anything you can eat in moderation can be eaten as you lose weight.

Do not quit for any reason... ever.

When you stop quitting you have to learn that you will not be perfect and you do not need to be. You only need to be good enough most of the time.

I have been at this for nearly 2 years. I had many rough spots when I just started and some along the way. I have still managed to lose a truckload of weight because I stopped quitting.

kseraphine

Everyone has given great advice so far. One thing I'd like to add is that sometimes being kind to yourself means not being so rigid, and giving yourself permission to eat something you are craving. Since you mentioned this is a cycle that happens every few days why not build it into your diet plan? I used to have the same problem and then one day I realized I could just have a small amount of the thing I was craving and continue with my healthy diet for the rest of the day. That way I didn't feel deprived and the need binge on less healthy foods went away. I stopped getting angry with myself because I recognized that I needed that little snack to keep me on the right path overall.

chucksel

It sounds like it may be more of a self control issue than a 'bad food' issue. Try reading this book "Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science". It is based on both science of the brain and The Bible. You can find it on Amaz0n. [No, I am not affiliated with the Author, Publisher or Amaz0n]

H_Ock12

Your mindset is your worst enemy here, as I see it. Nothing is "bad" food ...unless it's poisoned or rotting or you're allergic to it. All food is fine in moderation. Try planning your meals for the next week, all things you like within MFP calorie recommendations...leave room for your favorite treat, but only purchase the things on your meal plan at the grocery store.

TurnThePage55

I feel like I was reading my own story. There are so many "diets" to follow and every one works for a while. I've decided that I am going to eat whatever I want now as long as I log it and it fits within my calorie goal most days. If you go over your calories one day, just don't consider it a failure. It's one day, don't let it lead to two, three or ten days, just keep logging and realize that it's all ok and part of the process.

powerfulthighs

I have been in your shoes. You can still loose weight eating occasional "bad" foods. One or two pizza or ice cream slip ups during the week can be diluted with the rest of the week being really good and healthy. The trouble is when you think "oh well, today's ruined anyway, might as well eat everything and start over tomorrow."

It seems like you're struggling with punishing yourself for not being perfect and thinking that if you can just find the perfect diet, everything will go fine. What has helped me is not thinking of being on "a diet," and especially not thinking about eating a certain way (keto, intermittent fasting, mediterranean diet, or whatever) being a temporary punishment for how my body is now. Instead, think about the fuel your body needs and the foods that make you feel good. For me anyway, eating a whole pizza tastes awesome, but it makes me feel like garbage, sluggish, heartburn, upset tummy. Food is fuel, not punishment.

csplatt

1. stop researching fads and fancy methods.
2. get your daily calorie goal from MFP
3. pre-plan your food at night, for what you are going to eat the next day. go ahead and weigh/measure/log it if you want.
4. make your goal for that day to eat everything you logged. but nothing else.

simple as that.

tony56pr

This is a long road, not short race. Start stringing together good days, if you have a miss, try again tomorrow, then next day and so on. 1 day is not enough to celebrate or throw your hands up.