Husband addicted to food
Jessykaxx28
Posts: 1 Member
I think my husband has a food addiction concerning fast food and eating out. He will eat out a minimum of 5 days a week sometimes twice a day. I try making him lunch and he seem to always “forget” it at home. I since then stopped making lunches but will refuse when he asks if we can go out for dinner. I want to help him to become healthier because he’s borderline diabetic and has high bad cholesterol and low good cholesterol. I have given advice such as low carb, downloading MFP, stopping sugar consumption, Whole Foods, or upping his fiber to feel more full. He does not eat fruits or vegetables so I don’t even know how he can even attempt a diet. Has anyone been in a similar situation and have success stories or advice to living a healthier life style?
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Replies
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Be the example. He's not going to change until he is ready to change and any nagging (not saying you're nagging at all) is only going to make him resent you. You can't force this on him. He has to come to Jesus on his own, unfortunately.
But keep stocking healthy foods. Keep eating healthy foods. Keep saying no when he wants to go out to eat. Or if you do go out, make sure you order something healthy for yourself. There is no reason your health should suffer because of his eating habits.21 -
Can you come at it from a financial standpoint? All that eating out must be expensive. Maybe he'd get more on board if the monetary savings would be saved for something pretty great, like a trip or something.27
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Can't make anyone want to change. Sometimes it takes something serious to happen to them for it to happen. All you can do is lead by example. And I agree with stocking as much healthier options in the home.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Coming at this from a slightly different direction - when you were making him lunches were you making him stuff he would enjoy? or trying to encourage "healthy" eating? Has he always eaten out, or is this a relatively new thing?
Your husband will have to come to a decision to lose weight on his own, trying to push him into it, will not work. He will have to want to do it for himself. It's difficult to watch a loved one go through this, but pushing the matter can be counter-productive.
It's worth noting as well that you don't need to eat fruit or veg to lose weight (although it's beneficial for health in terms of fibre, vitamins & minerals), losing weight simply requires a calorie deficit, and reducing weight can improve health markers in general.
Consider compromising with "fakeaways" lower calorie (but still tasty) versions of takeaway foods. If you look on Pinterest there are lots of great options. Small changes are the easiest ones to make.
Some of my favourites when I started out losing weight are in here https://www.pinterest.ie/Tinkerbellang/recipes-fakeaways/
and as much as I hate the premise of paid weight loss clubs, a lot of their recipes focus on increasing fruit and veg but with tasty recipes that tend to be higher protein and lower fat, so I will often pin Weight Watchers or Slimming World recipes.
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You cannot change the behavior in others. You can only change your own.
Agree that leading by example is the best (if not only) course. I really like addressing this from a financial aspect as this is critically important to a marriage. Do you budget and are you planning for the future? This may be a great way to cross pollinate the skills and behaviors from finance to weight.
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Stop. In the name of love. Stop. Don't say one more word to your husband. Pain is the precursor to change. When he reaches the point of no return he will make all of these decisions for himself. The more you push the farther away he will run. Don't pressure him anymore.
I've worked with a lorra lorra men in my profession. There was a wife who made pristine clean food lunches for her husband and she was always urging him to eat the way she did. Every morning he would chuck that lunch into the trash at the office and go out with fellas to a local BBQ joint. They would always come back happy. On occasion, she would show up out of the clear blue sky. The rest of us would go dig that lunch out of the trash trying to cover for him. Yeah, we enabled his behavior but she was driving him waaay too hard. He didn't want to hurt her feelings so we just helped him out. They were newly married. Let your husband do his own thinking and you keep quietly doing what you do. He may come around to your way of thinking or not.8 -
Jessykaxx28 wrote: »I think my husband has a food addiction concerning fast food and eating out. He will eat out a minimum of 5 days a week sometimes twice a day. I try making him lunch and he seem to always “forget” it at home. I since then stopped making lunches but will refuse when he asks if we can go out for dinner. I want to help him to become healthier because he’s borderline diabetic and has high bad cholesterol and low good cholesterol. I have given advice such as low carb, downloading MFP, stopping sugar consumption, Whole Foods, or upping his fiber to feel more full. He does not eat fruits or vegetables so I don’t even know how he can even attempt a diet. Has anyone been in a similar situation and have success stories or advice to living a healthier life style?
Wow, you described my lifestyle perfectly. What does your husband do for a living...? What is his personality like? What are his hobbies?
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He is an adult and gets to make his own food choices. I guarantee your pressure is making him much much less likely to want to make healthy eating choices.
Stop it entirely. Do not question his choices or try in any way to pressure for at least 6 months.
In July start taking a walk one evening a week and asking if he wants to take it with you.
But back way off on the diet7 -
My husband doesn't eat out much and takes my homemade food but he still insists on overindulging in sugary and high-fat foods. I always try to steer him to healthier alternatives but it is out of my control. I have taken to reducing fats via oils, meats, and dairy that I am using in my recipes in order to offset his indulgences. We were both recently informed our cholesterols were on the higher side so I'm educating myself to make minor adjustments to the way I cook while still making dishes we can both enjoy. The "healthy" craze isn't great for someone who isn't interested so I think it's important to stick to enjoyable food with adjustments in ingredients and perhaps increased physical activity.4
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OP - you've gotta understand it from his perspective. He's thinking that he managed to land a wife without caring about fitness. So why should he start now?
You're going to have to use other levers of influence here.
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Jessykaxx28 wrote: »I think my husband has a food addiction concerning fast food and eating out. He will eat out a minimum of 5 days a week sometimes twice a day. I try making him lunch and he seem to always “forget” it at home. I since then stopped making lunches but will refuse when he asks if we can go out for dinner. I want to help him to become healthier because he’s borderline diabetic and has high bad cholesterol and low good cholesterol. I have given advice such as low carb, downloading MFP, stopping sugar consumption, Whole Foods, or upping his fiber to feel more full. He does not eat fruits or vegetables so I don’t even know how he can even attempt a diet. Has anyone been in a similar situation and have success stories or advice to living a healthier life style?
You sound like you're a very good mother. But that's probably not how you want your husband to think of you.
That being said, I eat out at least one meal a day most days. I eat around 40 - 50% carbs because they're usually easiest to digest. I eat minimal fruit (cup of frozen berries in a smoothie a couple of times a week) and only a moderate amount of vegetable since I have a hard time digesting fiber. I've also lost about 60 pounds and kept it off eating this way. When your husband is sick and tired of the status quo, maybe he'll make some changes. But there are a lot of changes he can choose to make that don't involve your particular regime. And in the end, he's an adult and will figure out what and how he wants to manage his health.5 -
What would your husband like you to do to help him? Have you asked him?
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I hate to ask this question but are you sure you can cook? I have known a few people who thought they were great cooks and they were subpar (to put it nicely).24
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I agree that your husband will only seek change when he is ready. In the meantime, I would encourage you to try not to perpetuate the idea that losing weight is going to require a complete overhaul of his current diet. The biggest impact he can have on his health markers is by losing weight, period, regardless of the make-up of his diet. If he equates losing weight with having to quit sugar, carbs, and fast food, or eating only whole foods, he may never be motivated to do so. Many of us started right where we were at... learning how to track exactly what we were already eating and then making small adjustments to reach our calorie goal. As a natural consequence, we tend to start opting for choices that help us meet that goal and quite naturally improve our diet, all without eliminating particular items or food groups. If you choose to offer encouragement, let the message be that weight loss doesn't have to be a burden.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »Can you come at it from a financial standpoint? All that eating out must be expensive. Maybe he'd get more on board if the monetary savings would be saved for something pretty great, like a trip or something.
This is a good idea.
Or perhaps the reverse -- if he likes eating out and is skeptical about homecooked food and, especially, fruits and veg, why not suggest you take turns picking a restaurant out (maybe once a week or so) and you could choose places that do more of a farm to table style (which typically will have lots of vegetables, prepared well) or perhaps ethnic places with interesting ways to cook veg (like Ethiopian, although there are tons of possibilities). You could even order more veg-centered dishes and get him to try them. Often enthusiasm about other ways of eating can help make it seem fun rather than a loss.2 -
I hate to ask this question but are you sure you can cook? I have known a few people who thought they were great cooks and they were subpar (to put it nicely).
Yeah... was going to ask this. When I first met my wife she did all the cooking but she's not a good cook and will fully admit that. However, I'm a pretty good cook and fast forward to today and I do all the cooking. We are both happier with this arrangement.
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Until he believes he has a problem (other than a nagging spouse), he won't change.10
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I hate to ask this question but are you sure you can cook? I have known a few people who thought they were great cooks and they were subpar (to put it nicely).
Omg absolutely. It is so difficult. I've been married for 3 years and I have only a handful of recipes my husband genuinely likes because, needless to say, I'm not much of a cook. I'm fortunate he comes from a family and country that does not value eating out and he hence hates the concept. Tasty food is definitely a win in terms of diet.1 -
Kind of been there as the husband. Nothing's going to change because it is what you want, as hard as it may be to hear. It is more likely to just end up being an issue of contention between the two of you.
Try to get buy in and sit down with him to construct a plan where he makes the decisions. Now this may sound silly, but let him make a really bad plan at first, but that is his ideas. Have him learn somethings aren't working, so long as he accepts the actual rules and outcomes - need a calorie deficit to see weight come down, and weight going down is the outcome. Eventually trying to meet those restraints will push internally do some of the more optimal changes - like accepting you have to grow up some and eat vegetables if you want to keep calories low and appetite from bothering you.7 -
1) that's not an addiction. it's a preference
2) can you cook? maybe he is politely trying to avoid the issue
3) he will not change until he is ready. you can't make him change.14 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Can you come at it from a financial standpoint? All that eating out must be expensive. Maybe he'd get more on board if the monetary savings would be saved for something pretty great, like a trip or something.
My OH doesn't like to cook (more specifically, to clean up afterwards) and if he had his way he'd have breakfast and lunch out every day.
I approach it from a financial angle and make sure to have breakfast and lunch foods he likes on hand.
He eats out less than he'd like, but more than I'd like.
If his health or our financial situation were to become dire, then I'd nag more if needed (but it probably would not be needed.)3 -
Could this be a possibility?
Does he eat a very limited number of foods with pretty specific requirements? I ask this cause you mentioned that he doesn't eat fruits and vegetables. Do you know how he was with food growing up? Extremely picky?
A lot of people are unaware that food phobia exists. It makes people actually anxious about new foods, especially smells and textures, even to the point of panic attacks. Fast food tends to be extremely consistent which makes it appealing to those with food phobia.
I knew one man who told me that he would love to travel but was too afraid about finding food he would eat. It was pretty sad.
Just thought I'd throw the idea out there.4 -
Does he struggle with textures and raw foods? I have a son who had a sensory issue as a toddler and had to be taught at a hospital how to eat. Certain things literally make him vomit, especially fruit. He can do Apple and peanut butter but all other fruit has to go in a smoothie. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I agree with all of the above - leave him alone and focus on your own health. I like the ideas about budgeting. But also... if he LOVES eating out... why not go out with him every now and then?0 -
My dh has a high fat diet, smokes and drinks diet coke by the gallon, takes meds. for high cholesterol, is overweight and doesn't lead a very active life, doesn't like 99.99% of veggies and fruits. He doesn't eat fast food often but may as well. He eats tons of cheese, processed foods, etc. He's told me he's set in his ways and that's that.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do to change your dh's mind until he wants his mind changed. Do you think he'd respond differently if you asked him to help you in eating healthier, to support you and in doing that, he'd have to eat similarly and/or take walks with you, etc., as someone suggested?
It's hard watching people you love do that to themselves. We only want them to live longer healthier lives but some truly have no interest in changing their ways. 4 -
My dh has a high fat diet, smokes and drinks diet coke by the gallon, takes meds. for high cholesterol, is overweight and doesn't lead a very active life, doesn't like 99.99% of veggies and fruits. He doesn't eat fast food often but may as well. He eats tons of cheese, processed foods, etc. He's told me he's set in his ways and that's that.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do to change your dh's mind until he wants his mind changed.Do you think he'd respond differently if you asked him to help you in eating healthier, to support you and in doing that, he'd have to eat similarly and/or take walks with you, etc., as someone suggested?
It's hard watching people you love do that to themselves. We only want them to live longer healthier lives but some truly have no interest in changing their ways.
Don't know that there's a husband alive who wouldn't see right through that little ploy in a heartbeat.
OP: You do you. Your husband will come on board if and when he's ready to. 6 -
I wound up leaving mine. He was in the hospital in a coma for three months and lost 150 pounds. When he came out, I would have cooked him any diet he wanted to get the other 50 pounds off so that he could, for the first time ever, be normal weight. In six months he put it back on, in a year he'd added fifty more. And he didn't want to eat alone.
The food addiction wasn't the only reason I left, but it was definitely a largely contributing factor. Yes, he has congestive heart failure and COPD and diabetes. And he wants to pretend it will all go away if he ignores it. I love him. We spent nearly 30 years together. We have two wonderful sons. But there is a point where you either go ahead and die too or you get out. I'm out.17 -
Man, we have a real problem with understanding the definition of “love” in this country7
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Has your husband agreed to any of this? Does he want to do any of this? What are his goals and priorities in this? Have you talked with him about this? And I don't mean lectures him or talked at him (which can be hard to do when you have your own goals, I know), but talked with him to determine what is going on in his mind?
Ultimately, you can have all kinds of wonderful goals and intentions, but your husband is the one in charge of his eating. You can't make this decision for him. If he he is willing to make any changes at all, you can only support and enable those changes, not cause them. Hopefully you two are able to have an honest discussion where he tells you what he is willing to do and you can support that. If he won't tell you honestly or you won't respect what he says, you're both going to be stuck. If you two can do that, then maybe in the future, if more changes are appropriate, maybe he'll be willing to ease into those changes, and you'll be willing and able to support them.2
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