Tips for countering self-sabotage?

dcglobalgirl
dcglobalgirl Posts: 207 Member
in Motivation and Support
One of my biggest issues is that I do fine for two or three days, lose a few pounds and then immediately sabotage. Some times I'll be thinking, okay, I can do this now, I know what to do and it's not that hard and then I relax and let myself have some treats and boom I gain three pounds in one day. Since I've turned 50, my metabolism is unbelievably slow. I eat one bad meal or one bad day and I gain.

Specifically, I'm using a prepared food plan which has three meals and two snacks but if someone brings in snacks to the office (donuts, cookies, cake, etc) I let myself have a little and then go back for more and more. When I get home from work, I'm often really hungry and grab some cheese or a bite of leftovers and that turns into eating more than I should. After dinner, I allow myself a small dessert that's not on the plan, one chocolate or a cookie, and then go back for seconds or thirds. The same thing would happen even more when I was tracking on MFP because I could say that I would eat the cookie and then make up for it later.

Another issue is that when I'm down or depressed or bored at work, one of the things that improves my mood is going out for lunch with my friend. Sometimes I eat healthy with her, other times, I don't. She is also trying to bring lunch from home and eat healthy but when she brings, she eats at her desk. I've tried to get her to eat in my office (I have my own office with a table and she shares with 6 other people) since I know what I'm really craving is the social interaction but she seems to prefer to eat at her desk when she doesn't go out. I often find myself begging her to go out to eat just to get out of the office and have that social time.

Anyhoo, I know that I sabotage myself but I need some tips on how to stop myself from eating stuff that's not on my plan or making bad choices on day 3 or 4.


Replies

  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    Sometimes people are just not ready yet. When you are things will click and you'll do what it takes. You have organizational difficulties. You need social time and that can be done if you think about it. Eat a quick lunch at your desk and then suggest a walk with your friend or friends. Eating out is harder to control calories. Eating too little can cause you to binge. Eating the correct amount of calories and exercising are habits that can be learned. Good luck.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,281 Member
    I had to make a Plan B for anything that might throw me off of my Plan A. Someone brings candy or sweets? I don't eat them at work, only if I buy them myself (and I generally don't). Lunch in a restaurant? Eat 1/2 of the comfort meal and take the other 1/2 home, or make a better choice and eat it all. Talking myself into driving home instead of the gym? But going to the gym is "what I do," so I'd better do it. In fact, all I have to do is get there. Once I'm there, just do 10 minutes of something (I have NEVER left without doing a full workout. Never. Once I get going, I realize how good it feels, and I keep going.)

    My ONE HUGE WEAKNESS that I'm really struggling with right now because I haven't gone to Plan B is after dinner snacks. Plan B used to be a better choice. I stopped buying them when I stopped snacking. Lately, I have been snacking, but without my better choices, I'm adding in a gajillion calories that I don't need. So back to Plan B.
    It has really helped me to build habits. Most of the time, my Plan A is easier than a backup, so psychologically, I have been able to stick to it more often than not.

    Good luck!
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    There's a really great podcast called Half Size Me that addresses these issues over and over. It might be a good resource for you.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,534 Member
    As to the office food- one day I stopped to watch the behavior of my coworkers around the office donuts. I became a germaphobe on the spot.

    Food sitting out where everyone can get at it any time? Ah, no thanks.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,222 Member
    There are a couple of things in your story that I'd comment on.

    First, it sounds like you're picking a plan that's very structured, and that puts certain foods you enjoy off limits. I want to be sure that you understand that neither strict structure nor food-type restrictions are essential for weight management. Plans like that help some people, but hinder others.

    Second, if you're losing several pounds within two or three days, then regaining it after a "cookie incident" (even a fairly major one) and giving up, then one of two things (if not both) is happening. First, some background info:

    It's normal, even on a sensibly moderate calorie deficit (slow loss target), to lose some water weight right away, especially if eating fewer carbs or less sodium than formerly. (I don't necessarily mean truly low carbs or salt, just less than before). So, some of that initial loss is probably meaningless water weight fluctuation. However, if some of it is fat, you're probably choosing an extremely aggressive loss rate, implicitly or explicitly - especially aggressive if you're not quite substantially overweight (100+ pounds or more to lose). A pound or two is a good goal, for most people (less if within 10-20 pounds of goal, probably).

    It's also normal, after losing (partly) water weight to see that water weight come back on the scale big time if eating more than the "diet amount" of food, or momentarily returning closer to a normal level of carb/salt intake. Keep in mind that the extra food itself has physical weight in your digestive system, even ignoring slightly delayed effects on water or fat changes. If you eat a pound of cookies, guess what? You gain a pound in an instant. But it's not fat. It's still cookies. ;)

    If you drop 3 pounds in 3 days, and regain them after a one day "incident", think about what it would take for that to be entirely and only changes in body fat: In the first days of your restricted eating, to lose 3 pounds of fat, you would've had to eat *10,500 calories* less than your maintenance calories.

    I don't know your details, but the US government uses 2000 calories daily as an approximation for a statistically average woman's calorie needs (it's exact for almost no one, but in the general ballpark for many). So, if you're statistically average, to lose 3 pounds of fat in 3 days, you would've had to not only do what you do in your regular everyday life routinely (the stuff that burns 2000 calories), but somehow work off or under-eat your basic calorie needs by 3500 calories more than that (nearly twice the average) each of those days. Very, very, unlikely. Very. ;)

    On the flip side, for a "cookie incident" to cause 3 pounds of fat gain, you'd have to eat 10,500 calories of cookies over and above the calories needed to maintain your weight. So, you would've eaten your restricted-diet foods, which would be expected to leave you in a few hundred calories' deficit (let's conservatively say 500 calories deficit). You'd have to eat those 500 calories plus the 10,500 calories of cookies to gain 3 pounds of fat in one day. For illustrative purposes only, since a regular-sized standard filling Oreo has about 53 calories, that'd be 207 Oreos to gain 3 pounds. I'm not saying no one can eat that many Oreos or equivalent in one day . . . but I'm betting that you didn't.

    So, getting to the bottom line, there are two sub-possibilities that may be limiting your success:

    1. Are you trying to lose weight unsustainably fast?
    2. Are you "regaining" water weight (which isn't fat) and letting that persuade you inaccurately that you've wiped out all of your fat loss, so you give up?

    And a 3rd that may be meaningful in another way:

    3. Are you restricting foods you enjoy, more than is necessary, creating more than minimum cravings or other sustainability problems?

    None of those things are essential for weight loss, and they can be counterproductive.

    I'm inclined to suggest - though from a position of ignorance about you and your plan - that the problem isn't you, it's your plan.

    If you eat mostly foods you enjoy, in reasonable portions, and figure out how to fine-tune your eating to feel full and happy while you do so, it's possible to lose weight gradually. "Gradually" can be a good thing, since for any of us with a substantial amount to lose, it's a long-term proposition. (It took me the better part of a year to lose 50ish pounds.)

    You can eat out. You don't have to make perfect choices every single time, just kind of OK ones the majority of the time. If it works for you personally, you can eat a lighter breakfast or dinner to allow for a more calorific lunch or bigger snacks. Cookies and chocolate are not the devil: In fact, they each contain useful nutrients (they're just a little light on nutrients, and heavy on calories, relatively speaking). You can eat some cookies and chocolate, and still lose weight and be well-nourished.

    Obviously, no one here, least of all me, is suggesting a diet of only cookies and chocolate. I'm suggesting a diet of mostly-lean protein, veggies and fruits, some grains/starches, and the occasional (or routine small) portion of cookies or chocolate, as part of a well-rounded, nutritious, practical, enjoyable diet.

    One approach you could consider is starting just by logging the foods you routinely eat now (pre-"diet"). Look at your MFP diary, see which things seem like more calories than they're worth to you personally, and think about how they contribute to your nutrition (or don't). Tweak your eating in a positive direction, and repeat. Keep tweaking, until you're hitting a sensible calorie goal (not aggressively low), and are feeling full, having happy food-related social connections, getting reasonable nutrition, etc. If that idea appeals to you, there's more information about that approach in this thread:

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10636388/free-customized-personal-weight-loss-eating-plan-not-spam-or-mlm/p1

    It's pretty much how I lost around 50 pounds, obese to a healthy weight, in less than a year (at age 59-60, while hypothyroid, BTW), and have stayed at a healthy weight (133.6 pounds this morning, at 5'5") since. I'm pretty sure it can work for some people ;) , though I'm sure it's not perfect for all.

    The one vital thing, to lose weight: On average, over a period of time, eat somewhat fewer calories than you burn (not just via exercise, but in daily life as well). If you have an over-goal day, don't beat yourself up, just keep going. If your plan doesn't help you, change your plan. Keep going. :)

    Best wishes! :flowerforyou:
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,222 Member
    Dang, here I am back in, despite that ridic essay up there, for one more comment.
    dcglobalgirl wrote: »
    (snip for reply length)

    Since I've turned 50, my metabolism is unbelievably slow. I eat one bad meal or one bad day and I gain.

    (more snip)

    I think water weight/food weight could be deceptive in that, too.

    Most of the reason we actually burn fewer calories when we're older, which on average we do, is related to one of two things:

    1. We're less active in everyday life than we were when we were young (with more active jobs, active hobbies, young families to chase around, getting our remodeling/decorating/landscaping done to create a comfortable home, etc.) compared to when we're older (often more sedentary jobs and hobbies, settling in to the comfy homes we've created or even downsizing, maybe hiring more services (lawn, cleaning), more social events that are just food and drink without the dancing and stuff, etc.).

    2. We've lost muscle mass, compared to our young selves. (That can make us less inclined to move, too. :grimace: )

    The calorie needs calculators suggest that a typical 20 year old me (same weight/height) would burn around 1750 calories daily, and a typical 64-year-old me (my actual age) would burn around 1500, both having sedentary lives. That's 250 calories daily: About 1.3 servings of peanut butter, i.e., 2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons; or something probably in the range of 5,000-10,000 extra daily steps (over and above resting metabolic rate, at my current weight), which may sound like a lot, but really isn't that overwhelming.

    First, that's not a huge and insurrmountable difference in calories. Second, both activity and muscle mass are things over which we as individuals have nearly total control: We can increase them, if we choose.

    Best wishes!

    P.S. For reasons I don't really understand (just lucky?), actual 64-year-old me burns 500+ more calories daily than theoretical typical 64-year-old me. Age is not doom (nor is hypothyroidism). Age is just age.

    Potentially helpful threads here:

    About increasing non-exercise activity: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10610953/neat-improvement-strategies-to-improve-weight-loss/p1

    About increasing muscle mass at any age or state of fitness: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10332083/which-lifting-program-is-the-best-for-you/p1
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    If your plan is only lasting 2-3 days, then this isn't a viable plan. Motivation is emotional and will rise and fall. You need to incorporate some manner of discipline around this, but with enough flexibility within the plan to last long term.

    There is nothing slow about your metabolism - this is quite fixed based upon mass. The notion of slow/fast metabolism is largely a myth.

    The only thing that matters in weight management is calories. You need to establish a modest deficit (not massive) so follow the MFP guidelines.

    The biggest hurdle most have is breaking the cycle of behavior that leads you to eat in surplus. This requires a conscious effort to identify the habits which are sabotaging your goals and replacing these with habits that help you attain your goals.

    Find those foods you find satiating. For me this is egg, chicken and oatmeal. Don't sacrifice social interactions, but make wise calorie decisions during them.

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