Need to vent

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thereshegoesagain
thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
edited January 2020 in Chit-Chat
I left my husband about a year and a half ago. He came to our marriage with nothing but I loved him and brought him into my somewhat privileged world.
20 years later settling our divorce, I gave him 2 houses, one to live in and one that's rented out, a car and 200k in an IRA, all which I funded, all debt free.
I found out today that he just got his 2nd DUI and us known as "an angry, drunk old man" around town.
I'm heartbroken that he's sunk so low when hes been given so much.
I have no one to talk to about it that doesn't know us both so am turning to my anonymous friends here.
Thank you for listening.

Replies

  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
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    Some people sink that low because they’ve been given so much. Sorry you’re going through this, that sucks.

    Also, how the heck did you lose your ira in the divorce? That is exclusively yours!
  • thereshegoesagain
    thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
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    caco_ethes wrote: »
    Also, how the heck did you lose your ira in the divorce? That is exclusively yours!
    I didnt lose my IRA., I funded one fir him.
  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
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    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    Also, how the heck did you lose your ira in the divorce? That is exclusively yours!
    I didnt lose my IRA., I funded one fir him.

    Gotcha. You’re a good woman
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,365 Member
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    It must be frustrating to hear that he was set for life coming out of that divorce and he doesn't appreciate it.

    Assuming he's an alcoholic (which sounds likely, given what you say about his current state), alcoholism is a disease. And a very powerful one at that. It wouldn't matter how much or how little he's given, the bottle takes precedence every time.
  • jacktherower
    jacktherower Posts: 292 Member
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    Marry me
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,400 Member
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    Thank your lucky stars you got away from him, and maybe it'll be considered cheaply in the end. You seem to feel sorry for him even when you've given him more than he deserves. You are no longer responsible. Have a good life and watch out for people like him.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    Lol Jack.

    Wow, thereshegoes, you certainly went way above and beyond anyone I've ever known of, that's gone through a divorce. I hope you kept enough for yourself? :blush: In your heart I know you felt you were doing the right thing, and maybe you were. But it doesn't sound like it changed him at all. :( All I can say is I'm glad, for you, that you found your way out of that situation. And yes, alcoholism can bring a person so far down, and make them miserable people to be with. Money doesn't change them. Only wanting to change can change them. And THAT is something that's clearly out of your hands.
    Wishing you the very best!! To a point I believe in karma, what goes around comes around and all that jazz. I truly hope you get all that you deserve in life!!!
  • thereshegoesagain
    thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
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    Thanks for your responses. I drank some wine, had a good cry and woke up this morning accepting that it's his choice to throw away his life, or not and am grateful that I moved away.

    @jacktherower -I'll need to see a current credit report before considering your offer, but thanks for the laugh!
  • sdenness9925
    sdenness9925 Posts: 254 Member
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    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    I left my husband about a year and a half ago. He came to our marriage with nothing but I loved him and brought him into my somewhat privileged world.
    20 years later settling our divorce, I gave him 2 houses, one to live in and one that's rented out, a car and 200k in an IRA, all which I funded, all debt free.
    I found out today that he just got his 2nd DUI and us known as "an angry, drunk old man" around town.
    I'm heartbroken that he's sunk so low when hes been given so much.
    I have no one to talk to about it that doesn't know us both so am turning to my anonymous friends here.
    Thank you for listening.

    Wow, thats a really sad ending to the story, of your life with you ex husband. I am speachless right now, but as an MFP friend i am here if you need to chat.
    God bless you x
  • RoseyandReady
    RoseyandReady Posts: 256 Member
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    I'm sure your love and support in the years you were married helped him to get through his bad times and kept him grounded.....and I'm sure it was also exhausting. Now that he is on his own, he will have to get the help he needs for his addiction and make some better choices. Only look back to see how far you have come and look ahead for a wonderful future.
  • jacktherower
    jacktherower Posts: 292 Member
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    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    Thanks for your responses. I drank some wine, had a good cry and woke up this morning accepting that it's his choice to throw away his life, or not and am grateful that I moved away.

    @jacktherower -I'll need to see a current credit report before considering your offer, but thanks for the laugh!
    I have a shopping addiction. Otherwise my score is above 800
  • thereshegoesagain
    thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
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    jacktherower wrote: »
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    Thanks for your responses. I drank some wine, had a good cry and woke up this morning accepting that it's his choice to throw away his life, or not and am grateful that I moved away.

    @jacktherower -I'll need to see a current credit report before considering your offer, but thanks for the laugh!
    I have a shopping addiction. Otherwise my score is above 800

    Depends on what you shop for...
  • jacktherower
    jacktherower Posts: 292 Member
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    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    jacktherower wrote: »
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    Thanks for your responses. I drank some wine, had a good cry and woke up this morning accepting that it's his choice to throw away his life, or not and am grateful that I moved away.

    @jacktherower -I'll need to see a current credit report before considering your offer, but thanks for the laugh!
    I have a shopping addiction. Otherwise my score is above 800

    Depends on what you shop for...
    Shoes for me and pearls for you
  • gatamadriz
    gatamadriz Posts: 68 Member
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    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    I left my husband about a year and a half ago. He came to our marriage with nothing but I loved him and brought him into my somewhat privileged world.
    20 years later settling our divorce, I gave him 2 houses, one to live in and one that's rented out, a car and 200k in an IRA, all which I funded, all debt free.
    I found out today that he just got his 2nd DUI and us known as "an angry, drunk old man" around town.
    I'm heartbroken that he's sunk so low when hes been given so much.
    I have no one to talk to about it that doesn't know us both so am turning to my anonymous friends here.
    Thank you for listening.

  • thereshegoesagain
    thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
    edited January 2020
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    jacktherower wrote: »
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    jacktherower wrote: »
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    Thanks for your responses. I drank some wine, had a good cry and woke up this morning accepting that it's his choice to throw away his life, or not and am grateful that I moved away.

    @jacktherower -I'll need to see a current credit report before considering your offer, but thanks for the laugh!
    I have a shopping addiction. Otherwise my score is above 800

    Depends on what you shop for...
    Shoes for me and pearls for you

    Great answer, darlin'
  • gatamadriz
    gatamadriz Posts: 68 Member
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    In much the same boat. Was very generous with my ex, and still am with a monthly trust set up for him with my now deceased mother. He has fallen apart with drugs, ruined his health, shrunk away from his friends, doesn't see his own family.
    I was so upset when the whole truth came out. My son, (now 31) who used to live with him held me crying and then he said a bunch of truths to me:

    Mom, why do you always think it's your fault? Pop is a grownup, you and Nana and everybody has done everything for him. This is his fault. His decision.

    I used to think I could make it alright by looking the other way, making sure he has clean clothes, low carb food that I would cook (my ex is now type 2 diabetes). And I'd come back to lug laundry down and do it and all the food I had made was not eaten but there were take-out containers of stuff he can't be eating. I thought it was all my fault because I was just not trying hard enough.

    It's not my fault. It's not your fault. It's his fault. You have to figure this out. I love you. I love that you are my mom, that you are so generous, but man, get a clue!

    My son was right.

    You have done what you can. You have, I am sure worked very hard during your marriage and made sure he was taken care of after the marriage. You can tell him he needs rehab that he needs therapy, but it is his choice.

    It took me awhile to take the words of my son to heart. I am much better for it. I dropped the self guilt. I did the best that I could, many call it over-generous, but that was what I felt was right to do and I don't regret it. Be kind to yourself. Go on and be loving and generous to the people you love and who love you back in kind.

    You are a fabulous woman. Go out there and be fab and drop making the poor decisions of someone you loved make you feel regretful. It's a waste of time. Xoxo

  • jacktherower
    jacktherower Posts: 292 Member
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    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    jacktherower wrote: »
    @thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    jacktherower wrote: »
    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    Thanks for your responses. I drank some wine, had a good cry and woke up this morning accepting that it's his choice to throw away his life, or not and am grateful that I moved away.

    @jacktherower -I'll need to see a current credit report before considering your offer, but thanks for the laugh!
    I have a shopping addiction. Otherwise my score is above 800

    Depends on what you shop for...
    Shoes for me and pearls for you

    Great answer, darlin'
    m4ncfhremwgv.gif

  • mommabear4315
    mommabear4315 Posts: 3,424 Member
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    thereshegoesagain wrote: »
    I left my husband about a year and a half ago. He came to our marriage with nothing but I loved him and brought him into my somewhat privileged world.
    20 years later settling our divorce, I gave him 2 houses, one to live in and one that's rented out, a car and 200k in an IRA, all which I funded, all debt free.
    I found out today that he just got his 2nd DUI and us known as "an angry, drunk old man" around town.
    I'm heartbroken that he's sunk so low when hes been given so much.
    I have no one to talk to about it that doesn't know us both so am turning to my anonymous friends here.
    Thank you for listening.

    You’re stronger than you think. Speaking to strangers is sometimes is better than speaking with people who would just tell you what you want to hear. You did what you did because you loved him don’t regret it. It was love. Stay strong and just write it off wish him the best. If you need to just vent dm me. Take care and good luck. 🌻

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