We've got your back.
TheFinalThird
Posts: 315 Member
On August 6, 2013, after a five month battle, my father-in-law died. His wife, my mother-in-law, has been by his side, day in, day out, for over half a century. Fifty-plus years. After the initial shock of his death began to subside, I knew there were things that needed to be done. They were the kind of things that my father-in-law took care of during their entire lifetime together. And now it would be up to her. I could tell she was lost and did not know where to begin. So my wife and I gathered her papers, forms and files, and brought them to our house. Over the course of several hours this weekend and this morning, we outlined what needed to be done. Credit cards, bank accounts, life insurance, taxes, remains... one by one, we plowed through the "things to do" list that haunted her daily for the past week and a half. Finally, we reached the bottom of the list.
Before I left for work, I turned to my MIL and said, "there are things that I need to say. Things that you need to hear." Is now a good time? When she said, "yes," I began.
"I know you're overwhelmed right now. With grief. With loss. With questions. With doubts. With all the things that are facing you right now that seem overwhelming. But this is what I need to say. This is what you need to understand. We--- will--- not--- let--- you--- fall. We-- will--- not--- let-- you--- fail. We are your family. We are here for you, 24/7/365. Together, we will all get through this and help you live the kind of life that M would want for you if he were here right now. There will be a time down the road when you and he are reunited. But until then, I am certain as I am sitting here that M would not want you to waste a single minute of the time you have left. And L and I are here to help you make the most of it. Everything will be all right. You'll see."
After she stopped crying, I could tell that much of the stress and strain that burdened her for the past half month had subsided. Will there be tears down the road? Of course. Will there be a sense of sadness and loss? Undoubtedly. But sometimes, a loved one in pain simply needs to hear words of comfort. Words of strength. "We will not let you fall. We will not let you fail."
I do not know what the future holds for our newly extended family. But I know that regardless of the cost, the feeling of helping a family member to find her footing and to take those first tentative steps after a life tragedy, is utterly priceless.
Look around you. Is there someone in your family... your home... your place of worship.... your job... your neighborhood... who needs to hear those same words? To feel that same sense of being cared for? Cared about? Think of the amazing power you have to make the difference in the life of someone around you. You may not have the power to change the whole world. But you DO have the power to change the whole world for one person.
Before I left for work, I turned to my MIL and said, "there are things that I need to say. Things that you need to hear." Is now a good time? When she said, "yes," I began.
"I know you're overwhelmed right now. With grief. With loss. With questions. With doubts. With all the things that are facing you right now that seem overwhelming. But this is what I need to say. This is what you need to understand. We--- will--- not--- let--- you--- fall. We-- will--- not--- let-- you--- fail. We are your family. We are here for you, 24/7/365. Together, we will all get through this and help you live the kind of life that M would want for you if he were here right now. There will be a time down the road when you and he are reunited. But until then, I am certain as I am sitting here that M would not want you to waste a single minute of the time you have left. And L and I are here to help you make the most of it. Everything will be all right. You'll see."
After she stopped crying, I could tell that much of the stress and strain that burdened her for the past half month had subsided. Will there be tears down the road? Of course. Will there be a sense of sadness and loss? Undoubtedly. But sometimes, a loved one in pain simply needs to hear words of comfort. Words of strength. "We will not let you fall. We will not let you fail."
I do not know what the future holds for our newly extended family. But I know that regardless of the cost, the feeling of helping a family member to find her footing and to take those first tentative steps after a life tragedy, is utterly priceless.
Look around you. Is there someone in your family... your home... your place of worship.... your job... your neighborhood... who needs to hear those same words? To feel that same sense of being cared for? Cared about? Think of the amazing power you have to make the difference in the life of someone around you. You may not have the power to change the whole world. But you DO have the power to change the whole world for one person.
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Replies
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Beautiful. You are truly a wonderful man and I love you!0
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Well said. You have my condolences. I wish someone in my family had said that to me when my mom passed away 1 year 1month and 4 days ago. That was so amazing what you did for MIL. I tip my hat to you. That is just pure awesome right there. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.0
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When it is so new....it is just raw......
Wish your family the best in learning how to heal and adjust....
:flowerforyou:0 -
She is so lucky to have you and the Mrs. in her life. I hope to be able to provide the same kind of comfort to people around me when there is a need.0
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I'm overwhelmed with your awesome-ness, right now.0
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This is lovely
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I love you and the Mrs.
Thank you to the both of you for being so...so...so...YOU!
I know you have my back...and I have yours.
Forever.0 -
Thank heavens for people like you. What you did - and said - I think was perfect.
My husband died in '98. I was fortunate enough to have the support and love of family and friends.
Her only real job right now is to just breathe. Survive one day at a time.
I am so glad she has you and your wife.0 -
Nicely said!! Too many times people say nothing in fear of saying something wrong - We should all practise letting one and other know "We've got their back"0
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How amazing. I'm sure that is exactly what she needed to hear. You are a very wise man. Thanks for this. 0 -
She is lucky to have people around her like you who truly care about her and her well-being. God bless0
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You need to blog this too. I read before I even realized iit was you. This is so wonderful. thank y ou!0
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Beautiful. You are truly a wonderful man and I love you!
You are a lucky woman, Mrs. TFT...though I don't know TFT in person, it sure seems like you've got a keeper:)
I'll keep you both in my prayers...0 -
This really made me think about how I can help some of the people struggling in my life. Thank you, Scott.0
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BEAUTIFUL!! All respect to MRS. TFT, but I LOVE you!!! And I hope your world is filled with that same comfort that you so genuinely offer to others!!!0
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That is such a great story and it's always comforting to know there are people like you in the world! :drinker:0
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Wonderful post - I really could appreciate and identify. You did exactly right, in terms of what you did, and what you said, and your promise for the future. It most likely truly eased her mind and spirit to know she would not be cast adrift.0
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Beautiful! I think we often mean to do/say something when bad things happen,then feel like what would it matter?how could It help?
You just spoke up & said those lovely words,saying what soothed her,letting her know she was not alone.We all need such a person in our life.Thank you for being that person for her.0 -
BEAUTIFUL.
Both my husband and myself lost our fathers this past year (5 months apart). My mother passed away 13 years ago but my husband is now looking after my MIL affairs and I'm cleaning up my father's estate. We are both 1 of 6 children and the other 5 siblings in both families have no clue what's involved. I feel your pain.
I'm off to the in-laws cottage this weekend to spend some time with my MIL. She'll be getting an extra big hug this weekend thanks to you.
Cindy0 -
You are proof that there are Angels on earth !! God Bless you and your family ! I hope that maybe we could be friends because I would love to have you on my side !0
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My coworker just asked "Are you crying" lol so touching ...You are def the cats pajamamas0
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