Need Your Help **SOCIAL EXPERIMENT**

lynehamieh

Hi everybody!

I’m a singer/songwriter and I’m writing a song about the struggle of being an overweight person in today’s society. I need your input if you would like to help.

1. How you felt, how it affected your self-confidence, remarks that you received. Anything that can express how you felt. Also how you feel about society’s views on weight.

2. How you built your self-confidence, your self-love, how you changed your mindset, and how you got through rough patches mentally and physically.

Thank you so much in advance, and know that no one is here to judge and this is a safe space.

josephinebowman

I got fat when I was 7. Mom gave me chocolate milk because I was the smallest. I was not cute and the boys didn't chase me at recess. I learned to go first and read a lot so I didn't hear anything said behind me and would not look alone. I was smaller than my friends but none of them were svelte. We took up the whole sidewalk and might have to turn sideways to pass by they said. I recall a day when we were 14 and a boy I knew offered me chocolate Exlax but I said No because the group was looking and laughing. He had said things about me already. I wore loose shirts like tunics and did not wear belts or ever tuck in. I bought clothes 100 miles from home where they carried husky things. No one asked me to dance at the prom. My college roommate told me how she too felt about being big and her beloved crush never spoke to her; I did not say, Me, too. I dieted and invented yo-yo but I was never a 10 or a 12 or ...well, you know. No prince came for me. And, at work or when I traveled about, no one saw me as other than smart and politely spoken. I am old now, in the 60s, and my clothes are variations of W and Xs. I try not to drink chocolate milk often.

jeraldt6

Probably not what you are looking for. I wasn't overweight until I got into my 40's. Then I really started putting it on. Always buying bigger cloths, always trying new diets. My health started crashing. Knee surgery's. Back pain and need for future surgery. Depression. Sleep Apnea. Lean on tobacco and sometimes other stuff. I finally gave into society. I became comfortable in being overweight because society is obviously comfortable with it. I see more overweight people around me than healthy weight people. I decided why should I be different from them. I took pride in myself as I was and enjoyed eating even more and put on more. A few months ago I realized this is all garbage. It is easy to rationalize my weakness. I made the decision to do what I have to to get healthy again. Since Dec. I have lost 10 pounds, 4% body fat, (likely 5 by now), and am now really getting in shape with cardio. My flexibility is coming back along with strength. I can do things now at 53 I couldn't at 43. I will race mountain bikes this summer. I will look healthy and not like a giant pregnant man. And all those people that told me it is ok to be fat and I should just accept who I was becomming can go and jump into whatever they would jump into. You can achieve a healthy weight and look the way you want to. You just have to want it bad enough to make real sacrafice.

NovusDies

lynehamieh wrote: »

Hi everybody!

I’m a singer/songwriter and I’m writing a song about the struggle of being an overweight person in today’s society. I need your input if you would like to help.

1. How you felt, how it affected your self-confidence, remarks that you received. Anything that can express how you felt. Also how you feel about society’s views on weight.

2. How you built your self-confidence, your self-love, how you changed your mindset, and how you got through rough patches mentally and physically.

Thank you so much in advance, and know that no one is here to judge and this is a safe space.

Obesity is one characteristic, a factoid, it is not the person. Not everyone will have self-confidence or self-esteem issues. The experiences with comments from other people and society will be different too. Even when there are some shared problems among a group of obese people it does not mean everything is the same.

lynehamieh

NovusDies wrote: »

lynehamieh wrote: »

Hi everybody!

I’m a singer/songwriter and I’m writing a song about the struggle of being an overweight person in today’s society. I need your input if you would like to help.

1. How you felt, how it affected your self-confidence, remarks that you received. Anything that can express how you felt. Also how you feel about society’s views on weight.

2. How you built your self-confidence, your self-love, how you changed your mindset, and how you got through rough patches mentally and physically.

Thank you so much in advance, and know that no one is here to judge and this is a safe space.

Obesity is one characteristic, a factoid, it is not the person. Not everyone will have self-confidence or self-esteem issues. The experiences with comments from other people and society will be different too. Even when there are some shared problems among a group of obese people it does not mean everything is the same.

I understand your point. Everybody has different experiences. But that’s not what I’m looking for. Not everyone will relate to it, but some will. The song is for them.

RelCanonical

You can make a sad song for me, lol.

1. I was in pain and invisible. Nobody made any comments, which was good, but also, nobody made any comments, which was bad.

2. It didn't. Lol. I am working on building it up, but losing weight didn't really help. It was more the good habits that helped.

NovusDies

lynehamieh wrote: »

NovusDies wrote: »

lynehamieh wrote: »

Hi everybody!

I’m a singer/songwriter and I’m writing a song about the struggle of being an overweight person in today’s society. I need your input if you would like to help.

1. How you felt, how it affected your self-confidence, remarks that you received. Anything that can express how you felt. Also how you feel about society’s views on weight.

2. How you built your self-confidence, your self-love, how you changed your mindset, and how you got through rough patches mentally and physically.

Thank you so much in advance, and know that no one is here to judge and this is a safe space.

Obesity is one characteristic, a factoid, it is not the person. Not everyone will have self-confidence or self-esteem issues. The experiences with comments from other people and society will be different too. Even when there are some shared problems among a group of obese people it does not mean everything is the same.

I understand your point. Everybody has different experiences. But that’s not what I’m looking for. Not everyone will relate to it, but some will. The song is for them.

No one should believe that weight is a defining characteristic and that is especially true of the person carrying it. I was always much more than the sum of my fat. Luckily I have always been a fairly self confident person to believe it.

I suspect that the really mean person you are looking for is very often not external to the obese person but the obese person themselves. I have had my share of comments from some really ugly (inside) people but the person who I needed to be kind to me was me. That was one of the things that finally changed and helped me to start losing weight.

amtyrell

I think that when songwriters or authors write not from their own experiences and knowledge but from some theoretical other groups experience it almost always comes of offensive and patronizing. Please write your songs from your own experiences .

Yes I struggle with my weight I would be annoid by a song that tries to define me as such

bmeadows380

NovusDies wrote: »

No one should believe that weight is a defining characteristic and that is especially true of the person carrying it. I was always much more than the sum of my fat. Luckily I have always been a fairly self confident person to believe it.

I suspect that the really mean person you are looking for is very often not external to the obese person but the obese person themselves. I have had my share of comments from some really ugly (inside) people but the person who I needed to be kind to me was me. That was one of the things that finally changed and helped me to start losing weight.

^^this. And its something I'm still struggling with. Most people around you won't comment on your weight; they just take it as part of the package that makes you you. Oh, you'll get a comment now and then, usually from family, but the person who is the biggest critic is yourself. Or at least, that is in my case. Society and culture ingrains in us this particular image of what is beautiful and acceptable, and we absorb that standard internally, comparing ourselves to those who supposedly meet the ideal. After all, the heroine in the movies and stories is always thin and beautiful, the hero is always lean and muscular and athletic - The buff knight in shining armor is the guy who slays the dragon and gets the girl, not the short, dumpy side kick, even if the side kick is intelligent and is the one who figures out how to slay the dragon without getting killed. You never see a romance novel where the protagonist is a person who is struggling with being very overweight.

I've struggled with my weight all my life, and my biggest struggle is the internal criticism. I find myself wanting to hide, whether in baggier clothes or staying to the sidelines, or just not going places because my mind tells me what people are actually thinking. I want to be invisible at times, though another part of me longs to fit in, to be accepted, to socialize without fear. Its very hard to overcome that inner person's negativity.

ReenieHJ

1)
I wanted to stay invisible. Forever. I never felt accepted or normal, always felt judged and usually looked for people bigger than I was, no matter where I was at the time. School, stores, restaurants, anywhere. I hated going places and would've preferred living as a hermit. I didn't like people, didn't want to be near people, always felt their eyes on me and that I wasn't good enough. Much of that was determined from my own perceptions of how big I was which may or may not have been reality. Being anywhere from 50-100 lbs. overweight, I never felt accepting of myself. As much as I'd love to think society has changed I think it's just as bad today. Look at all the people that follow celebrities and feel they have the right to comment on their weight, in such negative ways. I just saw Valerie Bertinelli on a video clip, someone had seen her and said 'oh, so chubby'. Even such a simple comment hits one's heart like an arrow. To me, Valerie Bertinelli is one of the most beautiful down-to-earth famous people out there. People are cruel. People are judgmental and discriminatory when it comes to weight. It's sad, it hurts, and I don't think it's improved. Yeh, some come forward and try to make it a more accepted norm, but I think it's an extremely hard bias to overcome, especially in these days of social media craziness. The people who judge always need to find something negative about others, to raise their own self-esteem. Comments I've heard have ranged from simple name calling such as chubby, fatso, to wow you're putting on weight again or you're back to wearing fat clothes or you must really like ice cream.
2)
A lot of my rough patches through life revolved around the marriage my dh and I had at the time, revolved around the lack of communication between us, loss of my parents and a ds, felt like I lost myself within my marriage, my job was ultra stressful in so many ways. Piling on the lbs. due to all of that made my self-esteem(what little there was to begin with)take a huge hit. When my dh and agreed to live apart, I felt empowered, learned to be independent, like myself, then I was able to retire, he moved back in and I found I had a courage to stand up to him, express my thoughts in ways I never dared to before. I found my voice in separation and have retained my voice. With that, I've also lost weight, and found a freedom from all those negative side affects of being over weight all my life. I feel joy and contentment in my life now but it's due to much more than the weight I lost.

So, take what you will from my story. I'm proud I've risen from many issues and conquered them; I feel I still have a long way to go but being a more normal weight has helped me look forward and not feel hopeless and desperate any longer; I feel I can handle most anything.

musliix

Your song sounds like it will be lovely and I appreciate that you are shedding light on this.

I used to be pretty thin until I hit puberty. Then I became increasingly heavy. I now weigh 230lbs and I'm 24. Hence the reason for MFP lol.
In terms of comments I received, I was "fat *kitten*" in middle school. This graduated to "hippo" in highschool, but thankfully some people called me Gloria (the hippo from the Madagascar movie) Which wasn't too obvious. I always laughed it off. It was important to me that I gave the illusion that it didn't bother me. You have to laugh, otherwise you'd cry.
I struggled with my self esteem quite a bit. I remember my mother telling me when I was 20 that I had the body of a 40 year old. Which was super constructive.... (not).
In that moment I was kind of speechless. I knew I was obese, but I really didn't think I looked that bad. My boyfriend (now husband) happened to be on the phone when she said this passing comment and he was in shock too. So it was at that point where I really started some self love and took time to separate my identity from my weight. Easier said than done. I was 180 at age 21, then some stuff happened and I gained back a lot. I am still on this journey, while simultaneously trying to become healthy and get to my goal weight. The best thing is to surround yourself with friends. True friends. Those Who uplift you and stay positive. And no matter how hard...face each day with a persevering smile.