Under-eating and unhealthy habits (warning: possible triggers for eating disorders!)

fwhittam

Hi everyone,

I have recently come to terms with the fact I have an eating disorder. Being on lockdown has made my disorder so much worse. I eat around 800-900 calories a day. This worked for a while when I first started I lost a lot of weight, about a stone (for reference i'm a 5"8 female, 64kgs, age 19). I started cutting down more and more and working out more but the weight has stopped coming off. Recently, food is all I can think about. I'm eating one meal whilst thinking about the next. I'm staring at the clock oh the wall until it's the next time I can eat. With the UK wide lockdown, it's so hard to distract myself and prevent myself from thinking about food in boredom.

I'm not underweight. I'm not that skinny either. I want to lose more but get toned. How do I do that? I am aware I need to very slowly increase my calorie intake by 50-100 calories every 1-3 weeks. Will this make me gain weight if i'm working out anyway? Or will I lose weight? or gain muscle? I have so many questions. I'm getting some help from my sister, she's a mental health nurse and was placed in rehab for anorexia when she was 21. Can anyone provide me any advice on what to do? I know the first step is acceptance but I fear if there's any possibility of weight gain, my habits won't budge.

psuLemon

Addressing the obvious firsts that getting help is the key.


Second, the path to getting "toned" is driven by body composition. In my experience, people are are underweight or borderline underweight (like you are) suffer from being under-muscled often driven from no weight training, underfeeding and lack of adequate protein. The solution is the reverse of that. You need adequate nutrition (eating at maintenance, adequate protein (~120g for you), and a good resistance training program or weight training program). Depending how you respond to training, its possible that you might see some increases muscle and subsequent fat loss which should roughly keep you are the same weight. There is also a possibility, that you may need to gain a few lbs to see the increases in muscle that are ideal for the look you want. I know for me, that i will need to do that. I won't be happy with my muscle tone at the weight needed to get visible abs.

TLDR: Increase calories to maintenance, get adequate protein and follow a resistance program (look up strong curves, i believe they have a bodyweight program that you can start with).

robertw486

First, I'm glad that you seem to be accepting that you have a disorder. That's probably a big step. As for always thinking about your next meal, it's probably to be expected if you are eating that little food. At your size, which is pretty much ideal weight for your height, your TDEE should be about twice as many calories as you are currently eating. Using a weight trend app might help you understand fluctuations, stalls, etc, as well as help you recognize TOM changes.

For a lot of people, getting toned involves a lifting program. It also helps a lot of people overcome their internal desire to lose more weight. They realize they look thinner and leaner even when their weight stays the same or increases some. If you do some digging there are several threads about women lifting, and comparisons of weight to appearance. There are programs specific to certain body areas as well, if that is what you want.


But personally I think the first step you need to take is to get some professional advice and overcome your fear of any weight gain. Being smack in the middle of a healthy range and wanting to lose a couple lbs is one thing... but you seem to have a deep rooted fear of gaining to the point that you are not eating healthy. And if you are that hungry, it's just a matter of time before you start seeing health impacts.

There are quite a few people on this site that have recovered from various eating disorders. I can't speak for what it took them to accomplish that, but I can speak to the fact that it can be done, and you may be able to seek out people that can help you more directly in what helped them get through it.

Eating Disorder Resources

lorrpb

My suggestion is to talk to your doctor and/or treatment team, Esther than seeking random internet advice. Take care.

PAV8888

It sure sounds as if the most healthy thing you can do for yourself is to get appropriate and professional help!

In the meanwhile a good start towards recovery might be eating normal maintenance levels of calories and not trying to micromanage, at this stage, further losses or exact gains, especially if any transient gains are related to normal weight fluctuations.

Exercise can be healthy or unhealthy depending on mindset and approach. Eating can be healthy or unhealthy depending on mindset and approach.

Your current food fixation is absolutely and totally expected based on the amount of calories you are currently consuming and might be somewhat mitigated by consistently eating normal amounts of maintenance calories.

Whether that would be enough by itself is doubtful, but it would be a start, while getting that help that everyone, including myself, are urging!

Substituting strength training for other types of exercise-other things being equal-might be a partial mitigation; but, other things should NOT stay equal and I don't know that any exercise, at a time you are not taking in sufficient calories, would be a good answer for recovery from an ED.

Given that you have a sibling who had to go through this makes it even more urgent that you concentrate on getting help and getting better first and foremost!

foolforcarbos

Only you can decide if you are in a position to seek treatment. I don't know your financial prospects, nor the availability of nutritional councilors in your area. And I am not young, female, nor have I had an eating disorder, that concerned me.

But I would say stay away from high glycemic carbs, which can just be empty calories, and eat whole foods, lots of proteins, healthy fats, and all the veggies you want. Sure, I would avoid starches at first. But I think you would be best off understanding nutrition and thus, would find reliable sources to understand food groups and what/how they contribute to the body. For now, if you dive into a large portion of carbs, I would not mix that with a large portion of fatty foods, at the same time. Maybe make one meal with proteins, fats, and very low carbs, and later one meal with carbs, proteins, and very low to little fat. This will help the body, kidneys, insulin levels, and pancreas.

And above all, either find a way to solicit professional nutritional specialists, or find foods that help satiate your hunger while you are bored and dreaming of food. I would, personally, avoid overly processed foods, foods with lots of sugar, and again, eat foods closer to an unprocessed state. But that's me.

I have experience of eating very lean, sub-calorie, lots of strenuous exercising and endurance, and just dying for junk food. It's a bad road to go down. Building bad habits. But my kayaking Alaska days are over. So now I am learning what is a healthy well rounded diet. I have found what it takes to maintain weight, lose weight, and have yet to gain weight.

So if you aren't sure what is a healthy approach to toning muscles while eating healthy, then that is where your road begins. Learning nutrition.

lemurcat2

lorrpb wrote: »

My suggestion is to talk to your doctor and/or treatment team, Esther than seeking random internet advice. Take care.

Yup, this. Many doctors are seeing patients remotely these days. Look into that.

sardelsa

foolforcarbos wrote: »

Only you can decide if you are in a position to seek treatment. I don't know your financial prospects, nor the availability of nutritional councilors in your area. And I am not young, female, nor have I had an eating disorder, that concerned me.

But I would say stay away from high glycemic carbs, which can just be empty calories, and eat whole foods, lots of proteins, healthy fats, and all the veggies you want. Sure, I would avoid starches at first. But I think you would be best off understanding nutrition and thus, would find reliable sources to understand food groups and what/how they contribute to the body. For now, if you dive into a large portion of carbs, I would not mix that with a large portion of fatty foods, at the same time. Maybe make one meal with proteins, fats, and very low carbs, and later one meal with carbs, proteins, and very low to little fat. This will help the body, kidneys, insulin levels, and pancreas.

And above all, either find a way to solicit professional nutritional specialists, or find foods that help satiate your hunger while you are bored and dreaming of food. I would, personally, avoid overly processed foods, foods with lots of sugar, and again, eat foods closer to an unprocessed state. But that's me.

I have experience of eating very lean, sub-calorie, lots of strenuous exercising and endurance, and just dying for junk food. It's a bad road to go down. Building bad habits. But my kayaking Alaska days are over. So now I am learning what is a healthy well rounded diet. I have found what it takes to maintain weight, lose weight, and have yet to gain weight.

So if you aren't sure what is a healthy approach to toning muscles while eating healthy, then that is where your road begins. Learning nutrition.

I am going to be honest, this is absolutely no place for this advice. Further demonizing foods to someone with an ED is very dangerous.

By the way I eat all kinds of foods (ranging from green vegetables, lean protein to ice cream, candy, croissants), I feel great, I am very healthy and I would say I have reached a pretty decent body composition (debatable but for my personal goals I am happy) along with the ability to eat an insane amount of food.

OP the other advice you have been given has been good. Other than the ED I have been in a very similar position and have similar stats to you and building muscle has been the best thing for me. Eat at maintenance, lift (another vote for Strong Curves) and get adequate protein. Don't be afraid of the scale or weight gain or any specific foods. Again if you have a treatment team to reach out to I would definitely consider getting a helping hand as it can be a tough road.

Good luck!

Wolfy9797

It will make you gain weight, but it’s not “fat weight” one pound of muscle is the same as one pound of fat. But fat expands while muscle retracts, so if you do gain weight during that time it might start out as “fat weight” but it will probably go into muscle.

janejellyroll

foolforcarbos wrote: »

But I would say stay away from high glycemic carbs, which can just be empty calories, and eat whole foods, lots of proteins, healthy fats, and all the veggies you want. Sure, I would avoid starches at first. But I think you would be best off understanding nutrition and thus, would find reliable sources to understand food groups and what/how they contribute to the body. For now, if you dive into a large portion of carbs, I would not mix that with a large portion of fatty foods, at the same time. Maybe make one meal with proteins, fats, and very low carbs, and later one meal with carbs, proteins, and very low to little fat. This will help the body, kidneys, insulin levels, and pancreas.

. . . I would, personally, avoid overly processed foods, foods with lots of sugar, and again, eat foods closer to an unprocessed state. But that's me.

Please don't suggest additional restriction to someone who is struggling with an ED.

kshama2001

lemurcat2 wrote: »

lorrpb wrote: »

My suggestion is to talk to your doctor and/or treatment team, better than seeking random internet advice. Take care.

Yup, this. Many doctors are seeing patients remotely these days. Look into that.

Yes, my stress eating went way up and I am currently having cognitive behavioral therapy via tele-health for it.