SO OFF TRACK I CAN'T GET MOTIVATED TO START AGAIN!

justinejacksonm

Ok this is my last attempt at this post lol. Have spent 20 mins thoughtfully drafting this out twice now, both times losing everything I wrote before I could post it.

Can't get motivated. Spent over a year getting myself down from 147 to 129 (the most progress I had made since 2014 and was only there very briefly. My workout routine at home is broken on account of a number of changes that have made jumping in and working out feel dysfunctional. Elliptical machine was moved to a non living space and we stole the roku stick from my tv to use in another tv so I can't easily go turn it on and stream my videos now.

The killer is that I have been home every day for over A MONTH and outside of the few long walks my BF and I take each week "around the neighbourhood" (4.5-7 miles of milly steep mountain terrain) I do nothing. My classes are all online now so I spend most of the day in the office slouched over my laptop. I hate it. I feel gross and I am starting to feel very irritatble. Reaching my limit of inactivity and eating poorly. I worked SO HARD for SO LONG just to gain so much weight back.

I often feel like I will never get back to where I used to be in 2014- 124 lbs. Every time I am going really strong for so long enough to make consistent progress, something derails me. And then another thing and another and before I know it 2 months have gone by, or 6! And I am back where I started.

To make matters worse is all the yummy food are making and eating out of boredom in quarantine. We were *really* bad at first and started making more sensible choices like skipping the chips and doritoes and guac when grocery shopping. I have been craving a healthier lifestyle again. Not feeling the drinking as much at night. Skipping breakfast or having my old go-to bfast smoothie. Eating healthier, smaller meals or just skipping altogether.

Last week when the temperature went up I was really off to a great start! I skipped bfast and worked on projects outside all day and ate sensibly only when I was starting to feel hungry. I took a walk the other day and was so embarrassed by my reflection in a store window. My armpits are chafing when we walk and I start perspiring because I gained so much weight that everything is rubbing together.

Today looked like a nice day but it was really chilly like I just don't feel up to committing myself to an hour+ of going out into the cold windy air to run and have a runny nose and cold ears and be out of breath. I mean I have maintained my conditioning enough that even our difficult walks aren't winding me like they used to which is good.

I just feel like any effort I may make right now.... unless it's 2-3 hours of ridiculously hard work, is going to be a waste. No amount of work I have done is even beginning to scratch the surface let alone actually undo any of the months of sitting around and feasting and drinking. I'll force myself to go for a 45 minute run and it won't even cover what I will have to drink that night.

If it isn't rainy and/or cloudy and creepy looking outside and/or cold it's sunny and cold and windy. I like literally cannot get motivated unless it is 70 degrees or up. Preferably sunny.


I uncovered the jackets and bags and stuff that have been collecting on my elliptical today... so that is one less barrier lol. But now it is too late to start anything cause it is already 5;30 and my BF will be wrapping up his workday and we are going to the store.

Anyone else relate to this struggle??