Reached rock bottom

thelastnightingale

I was doing really well, then the coronavirus pandemic hit.

Unsurprisingly 8 weeks of not moving at all and eating all the food I can find has made me gain half a stone, undoing all my hard work. I'm now the heaviest I can ever remember being in my entire life. Officially I'm just under a BMI of 35, which isn't even overweight. That's obese.

I haven't had any takeaways in 8 weeks (quite an achievement for me) but I've been cooking my own food and it turns out, I really like my own food. I haven't weighed anything or logged anything, but I'm sure my portions are ridiculous and I've been using too much oil.

I was running 5K every couple of weeks, now I don't even leave the house. Other than being fat and BAME, I don't have any risk indicators. I'm just scared of catching Covid-19.

My sleep is all messed up - I sleep on and off during the day and stay up at night.

I must be more bored than I think, because I'm definitely a boredom eater. I'm not even convinced my legs work, given I spend all day sitting and not moving.

This is rock bottom, I think.

I've weighed myself today and I've dug out my Garmin. I've recalculated my BMR. I feel exhausted already. Exhausted through doing nothing!

Please can someone give me a shake and tell me to just bloody well get back on the wagon? I need to lose about 58 lb to get back down to my ideal weight (I've been my ideal weight before, so it's not a total pipe dream).

I'm actually in a really fortunate position of having more time for myself (no commute) and being able to work from home (so still getting paid), so I'm just wallowing and being pathetic. I don't know how to climb out of this dark, fat place though.

kmiller2350

I feel your pain. Yes, I've been there too, but this is YOUR story. Think of this as another chapter in the story of YOU. You've come to the last page of one chapter and now YOU get to write what comes next.

COVID-19 has challenged so many people, you are not alone. Here they call it the COVID-15 or COVID-19 for the amount of pounds people are packing on -- lock-down is certainly not conducive to losing weight! However, there are many who are using this time as an opportunity to work on themselves. I, and many like me, are taking advantage of this time away from others to secretly focus on downsizing. I have a goal to LOSE weight and inches before returning to something resembling normal and seeing people again. I'd like to be a size smaller. Maybe you can come up with some goal to focus on to keep the dark thoughts away. Can you get outside where you live?

You know what to do: weigh and log all your food and exercise. Simple, right? Yeah, how many others on MFP can say it's not that simple. But there are many who are maintaining right now, and others who are losing. Choose to be in one of those groups, and make it happen.

Reach out for more support like you did. Maybe look at the motivations posts. I like reading the "petty reasons to lose weight" groups or reading "what NSV made someone's day". It helps me when I hit a plateau.

Good luck. You are not alone.

88olds

Try calculating your maintenance number for your current weight and aim for that. Try to make a plan to hit your number. Use a food scale. Log everything no matter what. Don’t go to pieces if you go over your number, just keep logging everything. Food diary is priority #1 from now on.

After you have some control of the process, make a plan to start eating at a modest deficit. Keep in mind that the best plan is one that we will actually follow.

thelastnightingale

Thank you - you're both right of course. Bitter experience has taught me if I log things, I stay in control, if I don't, my weight spirals. I don't understand how I've got this far in life without being able to eyeball a reasonable amount of food, but knowing your own limitations is helpful.

I weighed all my food today - there's still a lot of today left, so it could still all go wrong - but so far, it's been an honest day. I've also managed to cook for tomorrow (and not eat it early), so that's something.

If I have to log something in my diary, I'm much less likely to eat it. I've promise myself I'll be honest. My diary is private anyway, so it's between me and myself.

I listened to the outdoors and there didn't seem to be anyone out there early in the morning - I could go for a short run at that sort of time. The risk of bumping into anyone will be low, so there shouldn't be anything stopping me from going out. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to that tomorrow, but I'm coming round to the idea of one day.

I'm also counting my pitiful steps, so at least I know what that number is.

Off to read the threads @kmiller2350 suggested. I could do with the inspiration.

aimjolie

I know how you feel. I am in the same boat. I stay up late. I snack all night long until I get tired enough to sleep, which is around 3 or 4 pm. Then I get up around 11 am, eat breakfast and then around 6 pm have dinner. Then after dinner starts the late night eating. I gained around 15 lbs since the virus began. I feel like I am in a deep hole and can’t get out. I am stuck all alone in my apartment hoping to not get the virus, feeling depressed and lonely. I know I need help.

Jthanmyfitnesspal

We are all feeling a little pathetic! Anyway, the one piece of good news is that if you gained it in 8 weeks, you can lose it in 8 weeks. And, the quarantine makes our lives a bit like "Ground Hog Day." You get to start over every time you wake up! Figure out what your perfect day would be and go for it!

Shortgirlrunning

I definitely struggled at the start of quarantine. Getting back into a workout routine and eating right has helped me feel so much better physically and mentally.

Starting is the hardest. Make the choice that no matter how you feel tomorrow you’re going to do a workout and count your calories.

aimjolie

thelastnightingale wrote: »

Thank you - you're both right of course. Bitter experience has taught me if I log things, I stay in control, if I don't, my weight spirals. I don't understand how I've got this far in life without being able to eyeball a reasonable amount of food, but knowing your own limitations is helpful.

I weighed all my food today - there's still a lot of today left, so it could still all go wrong - but so far, it's been an honest day. I've also managed to cook for tomorrow (and not eat it early), so that's something.

If I have to log something in my diary, I'm much less likely to eat it. I've promise myself I'll be honest. My diary is private anyway, so it's between me and myself.

I listened to the outdoors and there didn't seem to be anyone out there early in the morning - I could go for a short run at that sort of time. The risk of bumping into anyone will be low, so there shouldn't be anything stopping me from going out. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to that tomorrow, but I'm coming round to the idea of one day.

I'm also counting my pitiful steps, so at least I know what that number is.

Off to read the threads @kmiller2350 suggested. I could do with the inspiration.

thelastnightingale

I'm sorry to hear you've been caught in the same funk as me, @aimjolie. I don't think I'm depressed or lonely, but then I try to objectively look at my behaviour, and it doesn't seem right. It's not me.

I fell asleep at 7pm and woke up at 3am, which is not a normal sleeping pattern (I'm about 5 hours out), but thanks to my Garmin, I at least know that's what has happened, and I've got up as going back to sleep will just make me groggy as I'll get too much. Maybe today I can try to stay awake until 8pm and gradually start to push that awake time later...

@Jthanmyfitnesspal True. I still had a lot to lose, but I was a whole half stone lighter. It's a big ask, but when I'm at my heaviest (which I am), the weight can drop off quite quickly if I really try, because the heavier you are, the less of a % shock it is to the body. Starting over today...

@Shortgirlrunning I managed to get through yesterday and today I am going to log everything. I'm also going to explore making a face mask, so I can get one step closer to going outside for a workout. The simplest thing seems to be to cut up an old t-shirt, so I'll have to decide which one to sacrifice!

Thanks to all of you for the support. It may not seem much, but I've managed to have one entire honest day so far. After 8 weeks of binging and ignoring I have a problem, that one day feels quite special.

Now to see if I can do it all again today...

88olds

@thelastnightingale A couple of things I found about learning to eyeball portions. Measuring portions trained my eye. I’ve got a pretty good idea what a 1/2 cup of rice or vegetables looks like on a plate. Likewise 4 oz of grilled chicken.

But another thing I’ve noticed is that portion size will begin to creep up if I let it. As a result my food scale is always on the counter. It only takes a few seconds to use it.
Maintaining now I rarely actually log my food unless the scale is creeping up but I do keep using that food scale.

elisa123gal

I understand how you feel. Many of us have done the same thing. This has been so scary ..dieting seemed out of the question. However, after being inside and at home for 8 weeks, I've come to the realization that most of us are going to hurt our health through eating bad food and not exercising, more than we are at risk of getting covid 19.
We know how not to avoid the virus... wash your hands.. wear a mask when you go out and social distance. The virus isn't going to float in the air and come get us. We have to switch our focus and use this time to take care of ourselves ..so when this nightmare is over we don't have real health problems.

mothermoose116

I know how you feel- it’s hard with all this stress, struggling with fear,anxiety and depression.

But no one can do this for you- you need to get up and keep showing up. Treat yourself with kindness and forgiveness, but get back at it- your next meal, don’t put it off until tomorrow. I have found exercise to be really helpful for my mental health. Move your body, and hang in there.

snowflake954

Depression has hit many people. Exercise is a mood lifter. I get up before 6 in the morning and do an hour run. You're right, there are very few people out at that hour so that's why I do it. I live in an apartment building in Rome and I've gotten organized to go out. I have a cotton glove that I use to touch anything in the building--elevator buttons, doors, door to the building, etc..... Once out on the street, I pull it off inside out and put it in my pocket or fanny pack (it's gotten hot so no hoodie) and I'll use it when I return. I use a bandana to cover my mouth and nose when I meet or pass someone, although I stay as far away as I can. It's easy to pull the bandana up and down, and I can breath while running. My running shoes are left in a special place in the entry, my cotton glove is sprayed with lysol and hung out to dry, as is my bandana, and my hands are washed as soon as I get home. There are no excuses for not moving. By the way--I'm 65 and have been doing this for 3 and a half months. I really think you can too. Take that first step. You'll sleep better too.