These are the times I need to prove to myself I am strong

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KrissFlavored
KrissFlavored Posts: 327 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Its been bad day. Emotionally.

My only old coping skill was to eat. My binge eating disorder meds have worn off and my brain has spent the last few hours doing nothing but screaming about the kitchen.

My current coping skill is to simply not use my old coping skill and remain present in this moment and keep telling myself that the combination of no meds and an emotionally bad day is not going to be fixed with the use of food.

And it wont be fixed with food.

I have watched a movie in an attempt to try and distract myself but I find there are times when the eating disorder really does scream louder then anything else.

These are the moments I know are going to happen again in the future and I am strong, this is hard, but I just have to stay on my new path. I have to be able to do this without the medication.

Normally i dont make posts like this..

I guess tonight I am just struggling harder then usual.
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Replies

  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,649 Member
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    Oh Kriss!
    And it is quite late over there... you can't go for a nice walk or something, hey?
    How about reading a book? Or listening to an audio-book till you fall asleep?
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,178 Member
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    Sending strength-reinforcement rays in your direction . . . wish I could do something real. Sleep as possible, feel better in the AM!
  • goatg
    goatg Posts: 1,399 Member
    edited May 2020
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    I’m so sorry. Hope you can go for a walk or something. That sounds like a really hard night.

    Best case, tomorrow you’re stronger —you got through the darkest hour. Worst case, tomorrow is a new opportunity and you do better. A slip can be only a slip.

    ❤️❤️❤️
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,401 Member
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    Sending you hugs <3
  • Katmary71
    Katmary71 Posts: 6,583 Member
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    I'm glad you were able to get some rest. You can always send me a message if you need to talk or get distracted. Music helps me a lot, I like a lot of different genres but go for the heavier stuff when struggling. Working out helps too, particularly paying attention to some video on YouTube like a dance routine.
  • DancingMoosie
    DancingMoosie Posts: 8,613 Member
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    Have you tried yoga or meditation? Or a walk? Getting outside in the sun really helps me. Hope you feel better🌞
  • KrissFlavored
    KrissFlavored Posts: 327 Member
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    I'm sure those things might be useful for calming down, however probably not for the eating disorder part of it. Unfortunately that is something I must struggle through and work out for now until therapy can start.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,649 Member
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    Dumb question... but since you've seen the doctor, said here I am, ready to go, and they've even gone ahead and prescribed medication... what are they waiting for in terms of getting started?

    @ksharma often brings up the Beck diet solution. A quick search online associates the Beck institute with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy over the Internet for BED. Whether that (or any form of CBT) would be helpful or appropriate for you specifically is something to discuss with your doctor first, obviously!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,649 Member
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    Just a correction to my post above. I was intending to tag @kshama2001 who often shares the Beck Diet Solution but ended up tagging incorrectly.

    Kriss... I would encourage you to take care of yourself. You can't live on air, if you're without a job; but your health is what allows you to find and keep a job.
  • cupcakesandproteinshakes
    cupcakesandproteinshakes Posts: 1,092 Member
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    KrissFlavored wrote: »
    They're not waiting, I am, cause I need $1200 to take the therapy.

    I have the money, but I was just waiting a little to see where the dust settles with being off work and my finances before putting the money into it.

    Insurance wont pay for it so I just wanna be sure that I'm good to go, I seem to have bad timing that way, where I just do something right then and there and then a couple weeks later i fall down a hole cause i didnt wait and make sure.. lol

    But he said that they can do the therapy at the eating disorder clinic and can follow social distancing, so I told him once I knew where I stood, I'd send him my schedule.

    ... and I'm not gonna lie... I'm scared to start it.

    Mostly because my whole life has been binge and restrict and I know once I start this therapy I am going to have to stop counting calories and that terrifies me. Lol..

    Hi

    Did the clinic say you have to stop counting calories? Is this not up for some negotiation with the therapist? I wonder if you can hang on to some of your structures at the start then it may seem less daunting to start? ( I know very little about this type of therapy though so sorry if I’m completely off).
    It’s completely normal to be fearful of starting therapy. I was. It’s a huge step.
  • nighthawk584
    nighthawk584 Posts: 1,995 Member
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    Sending out good vibes and hugs to you Kriss! It's brave of you to lay it all out there.
  • KrissFlavored
    KrissFlavored Posts: 327 Member
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    Thank you darling ♡
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,473 Member
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    Hope today is better. I know it sounds cheesy, but today really is the first day of the rest of your life.

    Every. Single. Day. And moment, too.

    Hugs to you, honey. Lots of us out here pulling for you.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,902 Member
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    I'm confused - I get the part about the holdup for starting the $1200 therapy, but it sounds like you are out of meds and I don't understand why there is a delay in getting more meds? Perhaps you posted about this elsewhere and I missed it?

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