I sabotage myself when I start to lose the pounds😭

ali03nan

Hi guys,
First of all I wanted to start properly this month, but already have failed as I was at a friends bbq yesterday and its not like i couldnt ask for seperate food ,I was also out at a family gathering saturday and the same happened there, I feel like everytime i start the diet on a fresh monday morning ,i wreck it up. Also by time the evenings hit ,i am wreck tired and unmotivated ,i dont know what to do and i get upset in myself easily ,im not an emotional eater at all!! But today i had the perfect diet all day and i fitted in a small treat but i still had like 148 calories left over and then boom i crashed it due to getting upset today over somthing and im just regretting it all now ,i dont know what to do ,im so lost.

janejellyroll

It sounds like you're trying to limit too many foods.

You can't divide your life into "diet mode" and "non-diet mode." You've got to figure out a way of living that includes things like parties and family gatherings but still results in you consistently eating the number of calories your body needs (whether your goal is to lose weight or to maintain your weight loss).

When you aim to have the "perfect diet," you'll always be on this roller coaster of "off" or "on." I've been there. It's not fun and it's really hard to get anywhere.

For me, it was more useful to figure out how to consistently meet my goal and not worry about having some abstractly perfect day. So if I go to a party, I may have a beer or some chips and guacamole if it looks good, but I'm mindful of my portions and I may not decide to have both at the same party (or I may - depends on the rest of my day and my current goals).

You say you're not an emotional eater, but I can feel the emotions dripping off this post (no judgment - I've been the same way!).

You don't need separate food. You don't need a perfect day. You don't need to never mess things up. You just need to consistently hit a reasonable calorie goal. You can do that with a variety of foods. You can do that while having imperfect days. You can do that while sometimes making mistakes.

Shortgirlrunning

Weight loss is about persistence not perfection. You only failed if you give up. You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself to be perfect and letting that get you off track. All of us have days where we blew our calories. All of us have functions with family and friends where it’s trickier to stick to our plan. The people who make it to their goals are the ones who don’t give up and say they failed every time they hit a bump in the road.

Geneveremfp

I've read on here before that one bad day is less important than what you chose to do the day after.

So you've had a couple of not great days. Try to make the week a mostly positive week. I have found that pre planning things like a bbq really useful. I'll fill up on things like salad that are there so I'm not really hungry and dive straight into a pile of things. Then I'll just be really moderate. I'll probably still go over on my calories but I log everything and over the next few days I make it up by doing a bit more exercise and eating a bit less. Then that 100 odd calories under each day balances out the splurge.

I also have done the whole rodeo of using special events to go off the rails. It's not sustainable. Special events happen a lot. I'd work on finding a way to make them work around your new way of eating rather than just writing them off every time.

PAV8888

Did you fail to record your calories?

That's what *I* consider an MFP "fail", because it means lack of data! And it's within your control to put in the work involved in recording them

You can lose, gain, or maintain having days that are higher and days that are lower.

Wild swings above and below your needs are probably harder on your body and long term detrimental.

Reasonable and persistent pressure in the direction you want has a fair chance of success!

There are multiple days in a week--your next decision has to do with implement your next scheduled on plan (no making up) meal

kiwiroz

Don't wait til Monday to start again. Dust yourself off and start logging. Maybe be slightly more active or slightly closer to your calorie goal each day rather than having an alll or nothing view. The biggest thing that helped me is that this can't be a diet that you eat that way for a while lose the weight and go back to a food free for all. To maintain any weight loss you will need to be conscious of your calories in/out for the rest of your life.

yirara

How big is your calorie deficit, and how much did mfp give you? Maybe you're trying to achieve too much in too little time. If you go a bit slower you have more calories, and more space for nice things. With enough calories you could for example have a choice of deserts/evening snacks every day ranging from 50-200 calories. Could be a big chunk of water melon, a chocolate mousse, a vanilla pudding with strawberry sauce, tirami su, a low fat yogurt with fruit, or other nice things. These at least are what I have in the fridge at the moment. And I have one of those every single day, and it makes me happy.

Grace_spaceship

Having a 'perfect' diet is not necessary unless you are a professional athlete and often detrimental to your mental health. I have been there before where I feared going to family events or out with my friends because I couldn't weigh and track everything and I would end up bingeing and then hating myself. It's not a nice way to live. Don't be too hard on yourself and maybe don't try and restrict yourself so much. If I am invited to a party I know I will overeat and drink etc. I try to remember that it is only one day and over all if the rest of the time I am consistent it won't be a huge problem. If I am trying to lose weight in that period I would adjust my calorie intake for the rest of the week to be a bit lower so my overall weekly intake is still a deficit. Dieting shouldn't be everything. You should be able to have a life without panicking over food. Try to be less hard on yourself and focus on positive aspects of your diet instead of where you are 'failing' (I put it in quotes because a diet is just what you eat so you can't really fail)

hipari

Enjoying life and social gatherings is not sabotage. Restricting yourself into something that makes you miserable is sabotage, in my opinion, as you're sabotaging your own happiness.

If you're "wreck tired and unmotivated" by evenings, it sounds like you might be limiting calories too much. What's the current situation and what are your goals? I mean, height and current weight and goal weight, exercise level, what's your calorie goal and how much are you actually eating?

In general, don't try to make changes you aren't prepared to make permanently. Indulgences are a part of life, balancing them is the tricky part. As an example, here are some things included in my food diary during last week, when I lost 1.3 lbs in the week: ice cream, large steak, red wine, sausages, fresh bread, bacon, cheese. My week also included loads of veggies, lean protein, fruits and berries. You just have to find a balance that works for you. Mine is not perfect, but I'm constantly working on it.

manyasin

I want to start off by saying we have all been there, you are not a failure, you've just had a bad few days. The important thing to do now is to accept it, put it behind you and not overthink things. I will also say that this is likely going to happen again, because that's life! Weight loss journeys are not a straight line down to your goal weight, and even though you say you are not an emotional eater, the way we eat is very closely linked to our daily lives. Many of us are emotional eaters without realizing it.
I recommend that you stop "the diet starts Monday" mantra. It leaves you open to overindulge over the weekend, causing more guilt. Pick it back up the next day, otherwise one "bad" day will very easily turn into "one bad weekend", then "one bad week". You are allowed to enjoy a barbecue without feeling low about it afterwards, as much as we are wanting to lose weight you are still entitled to enjoy socializing with family and friends.
The next steps would be to sit down and have a look at your diet plan. Are you planning meals ahead of time? If you are tired then it might be helpful to bulk cook a few meals, which can easily be microwaved up when you're hungry. Find healthy recipes that are quick and easy to cook. Remember you are still allowed to eat "treat foods" as long as they are within your calorie count, I feel like there is a lot of guilt surrounding eating things that are not considered "healthy", but you are more likely to give up if you keep restricting yourself so much. A diet doesn't have to be picture perfect to be considered successful, as long as you are happy and on the way to reaching your goal weight, that's the important thing.