Why do certain people bring others down

owa1s
owa1s Posts: 273 Member
in Motivation and Support
They put so much effort into it too, I don't get it?

Replies

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    In my experience the usual cause is to make themselves feel better.
  • IAmTheGlue
    IAmTheGlue Posts: 701 Member
    Well, I really believe that people drag others down to try to feel better about themselves.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
    Perhaps they're unhappy with themselves
    Perhaps they don't like to see others succeed
    Often I think others successes make some people realize their lack of success
    Maybe they're just really unhappy people and want others to wallow with them?
    Could simply be because they are feeling down and can't see good right now and need help to deal with that
    I do lean more toward the others' success make them realise their lack there of. Or at least last of success in that particular area
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    Regardless of why they do it; and I do think people bring others down for different reasons. For some, it could even be unintentional.
    Bottom line - it eats away at the innocent person's self esteem and peace of mind. Disengage and drop the person from your life if possible. If it is family... try to stay away from them as much as humanly possible. Subjecting yourself to them is like signing up for abuse.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    owa1s wrote: »
    They put so much effort into it too, I don't get it?

    I don't know the answer, I guess maybe some people just have mean hearts and like to spread negativity. Idk🤷‍♀️

    Hugs to you.. it's good to see you 🤗🙂
  • MidlifeCrisisFitness
    MidlifeCrisisFitness Posts: 1,106 Member
    Disappointment or dissatisfaction with themselves. Too much comparison with others.
  • RunsWithBees
    RunsWithBees Posts: 1,508 Member
    They get off on making others miserable, it makes them feel “superior”. Sometimes it’s done unintentionally on occasion (we’ve all made mistakes) but some people make it their life’s purpose to make others suffer emotionally and mentally, it’s disgusting.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    It's the pecking order in the chicken coop. It's the same with wildlife. The alpha, second in charge, aggressives, passives, passive aggressives. In the chicken yard there's a hierarchy which is different for males and females, hens, roosters and chicks. Bigger birds have an advantage. When there is direct head-to-head contact the pecking begins. It's the first rooster crow that tells you about the pecking order. If you remove the head rooster the second in command takes over.

    It's human nature. Natural behavior in wildlife is instinct. Humans will take potshots from across the bow of the ship. They may even resort to name calling or talking behind your back. Hold your head UP. Let them eat your dust.

    You will not be deterred.
  • podperson1
    podperson1 Posts: 207 Member
    It usually comes from deepset insecurities and unhappiness with their own life. I tend to feel sorry for them. At the same time, you def don't need the negativity so if you're experiencing it then I would step away and leave them to it.
  • BuddhaBunnyFTW
    BuddhaBunnyFTW Posts: 157 Member
    Fear, it is the basis of all negative traits. Even when people say they don't fear things, iot is a delusion they tell them selves. Let go of the fear and live a happy life! Be well!
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    What's the saying? "Hurt people hurt other people"
  • KateL121286
    KateL121286 Posts: 17 Member
    owa1s wrote: »
    They put so much effort into it too, I don't get it?

    I know this feeling...ive been on the end of it myself! Its not nice and I hope your ok. There's no explanation because there is no real reason...they are just trying to make themselves feel better.x
  • gearhead426hemi
    gearhead426hemi Posts: 919 Member
    My wife always says "insecurity is really loud but confidence is silent".
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,223 Member
    Complicated question, without examples. Sometimes fear, sometimes feeling threatened in some way (could be their own underperformance), sometimes jealousy, sometimes to feel superior, . . . but sometimes it's in the eye of the beholder whether it's really "dragging down", or not.

    We have cases here sometimes where someone posts, and then lashes out at answers that are tough-love but true things they just don't really want to hear (sometimes not even written all that harshly), saying that the person giving them info has "trashed them" or "ripped into them" or some such thing.

    I've seen similar things IRL where it wasn't clear to me whether someone felt maltreated because another party was intentionally treating them poorly, or if that was primarily their interpretation of a more neutral situation. (Using another MFP example, sometimes we see people posting that their spouse is sabotaging their weight loss, because spouse still wants to eat the way spouse wants to eat, not the way dieter wants to eat, but isn't otherwise being manipulative about it.)

    I figure I should write really toxic people out of my life as much as possible, and that it's fine in that case to use my own subjective (maybe biased) definition of "toxic". Unless they have power over me in some literal way (boss in a job I can't leave, say), I usually have choices about whether to feel or be dragged down by what others do, assuming I do keep them around me. Like pretty much any other personality or behavior problem, their negativity ought to be more their problem than mine, if at all possible. Outside of the cases where they have real power, influence over me is something I have to grant them, or their influence won't exist, right? ;)
  • Emican2020
    Emican2020 Posts: 35 Member
    People bring others down because they don't feel good about themselves for one reason or another. Its easier to talk about someone else's faults, rather than their own.
  • WildlyCurly
    WildlyCurly Posts: 151 Member
    Because misery loves company.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Confidence is the ability to shift your focus to what really matters. Consistently shifting focus to what really matters will help you reach your goals.
  • ChrissyChickie
    ChrissyChickie Posts: 182 Member
    My mother-in-law always puts me down. I weigh too much, I should be in better shape, I'm not a good parent, not a good wife, can't cook, can't keep a clean house, not organized and actually said she wished her son never married me (we married 23 years ago). I don't understand. Snotty little comments to me and talks about me to everyone. I wish I could answer your question of 'why'. I don't understand either.
  • melissatwill
    melissatwill Posts: 246 Member
    I honestly don’t get it; I’ve never understood what people gain by making others feel bad. I applaud others success and wins. Being positive & supportive is such an easy thing to do- being mean actually takes effort.

    I have found though that some people truly love misery; it’s like they go out of their way to spread their negativity.

    Sometimes I believe it is jealousy. It’s hard to see others succeed and then you begin comparing where you are in life with others & it can be hard when your pace is slower or you haven’t obtained what others have. I think it’s so important to not compare our own stories to anyone else; we all have our own paths to take and we won’t all reach our goals at the same time & that’s ok.

    Also- some people just suck.. lol!! They are mean and bitter and there’s nothing you can do or say to change that! Stay away from those people at all costs! They will absolutely suck the life out of you & bring you down to their level of misery!
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Speaking only in general when we have toxic relationships that we can't demote or remove, learn to detach. They're probably not going to change but strong emotions make bad situations worse. Avoid the triggers and learn to detach. At some point, their motives, actions and feelings towards us should start to fade right into the background. Flip the switch and mentally distance yourself. That's how you'll survive and move beyond it.

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