I don't know what's wrong with me

Kiyomoo

I started losing weight in August 2018, and by the end of 2019, I had lost about 85 pounds.
But then from December of 2019 until now, I've only gained weight. About 25 pounds, in fact. I'm feeling so defeated. I might just be screaming into a void here, but I'm just at a loss at what to do. I don't know where everything went wrong or what I can do to get back to where I was before. I don't want all that hard work to have been for nothing, but it's starting to feel like it was, and I feel like a huge failure.

Pool_Boy

Are you still staying below your calories? Are you weighing your food? Are you logging everything?

nanastaci2020

You're human.

What to do? Start back at the things you know you need to do in order to lose the 25 and then maintain. Create a new goal in MFP for .5 or 1 pound per week loss - depending on what is appropriate for you. Find some visual cues to help remind you of your focus. I've seen some people say they'll put pictures on the fridge to remind them of their goals.

quiksylver296

You've lost 60 pounds in total! Great job!

What can you do, right now, to maintain your current weight? Start with that. Once you stabilize and get your feet under you, then worry about getting back to weight loss.

The podcast, Half_Size_Me, talks about this issue a lot. The host, Heather, has lost 120 (?) pounds and kept it off for nine years. She has a lot of good info.

Xiaolongbao

Pool_Boy wrote: »

Are you still staying below your calories? Are you weighing your food? Are you logging everything?

I don't mean to be rude Pool_Boy but it's not really very sensible to ask those questions. Obviously she's not that's why she's here asking this question.

@Kiyomoo you're definitely not a failure. You lost 85lbs and stuck to losing weight for over a year. That's an AMAZING effort and shows dedication. And then, sadly, as happens so SO SO SO many of us somehow the motivation stopped, bad habits drifted in, life happened or whatever it is that is your story and you started to gain again.

So first of all stop and appreciate what you achieved AND the fact that you are back here asking this question after only putting back on 25lbs of the total you lost. Read the threads a while if you haven't already and you'll find plenty of people with similar stories who come back here only after gaining more than they originally lost. In fact Heather (mentioned in the post above) lost over 100lbs... put a lot more back on (I think the regain was about 140lbs) and only then did she finally get it together and lose half her body weight (I think it was about 170lbs she lost) and now she has maintained.

So as @nanamerriman2020 said, you're human. Don't beat yourself up about that. Given what has happened in 2020 this is a year that has challenged many of us.

Now if only I had a magic suggestion for how to mentally get back on track. If I knew something that worked for sure:

1. I wouldn't be back here 6 years after I lost all my weight trying to get a chunk of it off again.
2. I'd be a billionaire because people would pay for that information.

Sadly I don't but there are a few suggestions I can offer that might help.

1. Work on changing your attitude about yourself. You seem really down on yourself and that isn't helping.
2. Set small goals. Maybe for the first week just make the goal to walk every day, or log every day, or not drink Pepsi for breakfast or... (whatever makes sense for you) something that would be a positive change that at the end of the week you can feel good that you did something.
3. Immerse yourself in thinking about healthy living/weight loss etc. I've been listening to the Half_Size_Me podcasts mentioned above because I saw someone else talk about it on MFP. So when I go for a walk I'm listening to the story of someone who has lost weight. One reason I quite like it is that it's no particular method, it's just different stories. Some people who are on the show lost with programs like Weight Watchers, others used things like MFP, it's about their stories not their methods. I hang out here on the forums just reading people's stories etc.
4. Get some real life support if you can. My poor husband has been wonderful about things like keeping track of what he puts into cooking so I can track the calories. Having him on board really helps.
5. Don't be a perfectionist (if you tend that way). Look for reasons to celebrate your achievements not to beat yourself up over mistakes.

All the best! You are welcome to add me as a friend if you would like some internet support.

neilblackburn

^ this

RockingWithLJ

First and foremost, you didn't gain 25lb, you lost 60!!!
Tough love is needed here: you not knowing where you went wrong is a problem. Not having a good mindset is a problem. Self care and self love are very important with this lifestyle change so give yourself a break and dont quit!
I just posted this on another forum but it fits this too:

jenncornelsen

Just want you to know your not alone! I had lost 60lbs in 2019, and since march and covid I've put on 30lbs. I feel sad and defeated. I worked so hard! But no one could have planned for it, and we all coped the best we could. Now we have to remember we did it once, we can do it again. The fighter is still in there! You've got this.

miriams76

I got so close to my ideal weight five years ago - I got down to 127lbs. I think my goal was 123lbs. Then I stopped counting my calories every day, I stopped doing my daily workouts, I slowly started eating more junk food. For a couple of years it was fine - then suddenly I was back up to 170lbs. So doing it again but now I am never going to stop tracking calories and making sure I maintain my deficits through working out.

88olds

Nothing is wrong with you. In fact YOU, as in you as a person, are not the issue in weight loss. Weight loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. Your weight is just one thing about you. Your desire to change is another thing. How you are managing you plan is another. That’s only three things. Everyone has a lot more going on in their life than 3 things. Why we get so invested in the weight/weight loss basket of things I don’t know.

If it helps you, to lose 100 lbs I had to reinvent my plan about 4 times. I suppose there are people who start out to lose a significant amount of weight who get on a downward path and stay there but they don’t come here and tell us about it. So its OK to struggle. But its not OK to quit.

Start over. Agreeing with everyone who suggests you get back to the basics, plan a menu, and keep a food diary. When you hit a rough patch try to identify the problem and solve it. Then go to the next problem. I did find this though- some things would work for me for awhile and then not work. My initial reaction would be to double down on the old way when what was needed was something new. You can do this. Good luck.

moweh2018

Hey, I’m in the exact same position! I lost about 80ish pounds and have regained about 20. I spent some time feeling really down about it, which wasn’t a productive headspace for me at all. What is helping me reframe my thinking is the fact that so many people are also struggling with similar issues right now, so you are not alone. It is so essential to take care of your mental and physical health right now, so create a routine that addresses both needs! I gained the weight back because a) I stress ate and stopped tracking calories and b) my gym closed and all of the habits I had created were not suited to workouts at home or outdoors. Even before lockdown times, I was struggling to manage my stress and stay motivated. Make a plan and find habits that truly bring you joy. For me, it’s getting outside and walking or running and eating fresh food and new recipes. You are not a failure! You are just learning how to live and maintain.

Kiyomoo

Thank you everyone so much for your responses. It makes me feel better just knowing there are some people in this thread who want me to do well.

@Pool_Boy No, I stopped doing that long ago. There are some days where I get motivated and start keeping track, but it goes downhill pretty quick. I decide to eat something that makes me feel guilty and I tell myself I won't track it and I'll start tracking again tomorrow. It's a terrible habit I've gotten into and I need to break it. Counting calories used to be so easy, but now I only feel ashamed when I try to do it.

@quiksylver296 I'll check that podcast out! Focusing on maintaining and keeping off weight gain for now is a good idea.

@Xiaolongbao Your response is so sincere and well-thought out, and I truly appreciate it. Your second suggestion may be the thing I need right now. When I lost weight last year, that wasn't for me, little changes didn't help, instead I had to go big or go home. But I think this year it's better to take that approach to ease myself back into it all, since right now I don't seem to have the strength to make big changes at once.
Your husband sounds absolutely lovely!

@RockingWithLJ Saying that I didn't gain 25 but lost 60 made me very happy. Thank you so much for saying that. I'm pretty emotional today, but that really hit me hard (in a good yet somber way).