If you'd have known, it was the last time 🤔
Finishiitnow
Posts: 896 Member
To see that person you loved, to give a kiss, to be able to run, to be able to visit that fantastic place....
I wish I could see that person again and ask him not to go overseas without me. But the fear to the unknown stopped me.
Sometimes you just have 1 last chance.
What is your story?
I wish I could see that person again and ask him not to go overseas without me. But the fear to the unknown stopped me.
Sometimes you just have 1 last chance.
What is your story?
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Replies
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My grandfather was dying in 2017, he was in hospice. I got to have many conversations with him. I took a job interview and told him I would stop by afterward. I wanted to talk to him about whether he believed in god. He died right before my interview was scheduled to start but was not told until after. I really want that day back.5
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I would have liked to have snuck my bff out of her house to go to our mutual friend's bday party. Maybe if she'd been with us we wouldn't have had her funeral seven days later.7
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asthesoapturns wrote: »I would have liked to have snuck my bff out of her house to go to our mutual friend's bday party. Maybe if she'd been with us we wouldn't have had her funeral seven days later.
There's a story, lets hear it.0 -
asthesoapturns wrote: »I would have liked to have snuck my bff out of her house to go to our mutual friend's bday party. Maybe if she'd been with us we wouldn't have had her funeral seven days later.
There's a story, lets hear it.
She committed suicide while the bday party was underway. Long story short her mother became a JW and grounded her from everything, including school, for going to a bday party a couple of months earlier because it was now against her mom's religion. She isolated my friend for two months, blocked her from her support network, as she struggled with suicidal thoughts. Teachers were fighting to get her back in school. We were all hoping in the New Year it would happen. But she died a little over a week before Christmas while all her friends, myself included, were bowling. The funeral ended up being on the actual birthday of the friend who's party she missed. And the congregation spend the time trying convert a room full of devastated teenagers to their religion.
I hate her mother, I can't help it, and I no longer feel guilty for it. When she tricked me into going to a JW service that she told me was a memorial to my friend I cut her off. I lost what patience or sympathy I had then. And in my defence I was also a traumatized teenager.
It's been a long time. She's been dead almost 20yrs but it still stings that we couldn't do anything to save her.13 -
"I hate her mother, I can't help it, and I no longer feel guilty for it."
Good, you shouldn't feel guilty. Her mother most likely contributed to her death and there is no harm in pointing that out. I too had a friend in HS that committed suicide and I didn't know how to process it. I'm sure you were a great friend to her and she knew that.4 -
"I hate her mother, I can't help it, and I no longer feel guilty for it."
Good, you shouldn't feel guilty. Her mother most likely contributed to her death and there is no harm in pointing that out. I too had a friend in HS that committed suicide and I didn't know how to process it. I'm sure you were a great friend to her and she knew that.
Thank you. I got a lot of flack for blaming her mother when I was younger. Not from my parents. My parents absolutely blamed/blame her mother and they were relieved when I didn't want anything else to do with her after that fake memorial stunt. But a lot of people would say: You can't blame her, she's the mom. She's hurting so bad. Etc. So I started just keeping it to myself. Dealing with my own mental illness taught me anger isn't unhealthy, it's a perfectly sane response to hurt and pain as long it doesn't consume you.
I'm sorry about your friend. I don't know anyone really knows how to deal with the suicide of a friend or loved one. It doesn't mean we failed as friends, it means they didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, and they just couldn't take another step. It hurts, but I don't blame my friend, her mom yes, but I don't blame my friend.5 -
Thank you @asthesoapturns
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I wish I had a lot of "lasts" with a brother. And I would have been a lot more open about my feelings with someone and invited him to my family Thanksgiving when he said he didnt have anything else to do. It probabky would not have prevented his suicide, but I wouldn't be haunted by the fact that I wasnt more honest with him when I had the chance.6
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Lots of missed lasts in my life, as well, but I am sorry for all your hurts and the pain you've all felt.
Life is incredibly difficult and impossible to understand sometimes. 2 -
I probably wouldn’t have begged him not to die so much. I was a kid and I didn’t understand it wasn’t like the flu and he couldn’t just get better.6
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Hanibanani2020 wrote: »I probably wouldn’t have begged him not to die so much. I was a kid and I didn’t understand it wasn’t like the flu and he couldn’t just get better.
This breaks my heart đź’”. Nice note!!! Thanks for sharing0 -
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asthesoapturns wrote: »asthesoapturns wrote: »I would have liked to have snuck my bff out of her house to go to our mutual friend's bday party. Maybe if she'd been with us we wouldn't have had her funeral seven days later.
There's a story, lets hear it.
She committed suicide while the bday party was underway. Long story short her mother became a JW and grounded her from everything, including school, for going to a bday party a couple of months earlier because it was now against her mom's religion. She isolated my friend for two months, blocked her from her support network, as she struggled with suicidal thoughts. Teachers were fighting to get her back in school. We were all hoping in the New Year it would happen. But she died a little over a week before Christmas while all her friends, myself included, were bowling. The funeral ended up being on the actual birthday of the friend who's party she missed. And the congregation spend the time trying convert a room full of devastated teenagers to their religion.
I hate her mother, I can't help it, and I no longer feel guilty for it. When she tricked me into going to a JW service that she told me was a memorial to my friend I cut her off. I lost what patience or sympathy I had then. And in my defence I was also a traumatized teenager.
It's been a long time. She's been dead almost 20yrs but it still stings that we couldn't do anything to save her.
:-(1 -
I would have spent the night looking at her eyes until she would have close them for ever.
Instead I just told her, you will be fine I will see you tomorrow... I saw her the day after but she didn't see me back again.
Life goes fast and some times we take wrong decisions that will mark our hearts for ever.4 -
Original and good thread topic OP
...I saw the title and couldn't even check it out for a few days
Now I type and delete...
If I had of known it was the last time I'd see my grandparents alive (all of them) I would have told them I loved them, and hugged them (I'm not a hugger!) in a casual way, like "I love you, see you soon"
...but I'm a thinker and not a talker/doer often with my thoughts
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Original and good thread topic OP
...I saw the title and couldn't even check it out for a few days
Now I type and delete...
If I had of known it was the last time I'd see my grandparents alive (all of them) I would have told them I loved them, and hugged them (I'm not a hugger!) in a casual way, like "I love you, see you soon"
...but I'm a thinker and not a talker/doer often with my thoughts
I am a talker but I didn't give even 5 minutes of my time to thank her for all the beautiful things she did for me.
Maybe I was too young or maybe I was so selfish...not sure but I just left her even though she told me " I love you" with tons of efforts.
I will always regret it1 -
Instead of being scared I wish I'd spent one good night with my boyfriend after he'd told me he loved me before he was killed in a car accident.
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KickTheSky wrote: »Seeing this topic just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't even answer, because to even think about it hurts so damn much. It always comes back to that empty pit feeling and the physical pain in feeling in my chest right now. I'm bawling like a baby right now and I'm tired of feeling like this. I got to tell her goodbye. I doubt she heard me, but it was comforting to hold her hand one last time while it was still warm. I did tell her i loved her the last time I talked to her because I always did. If I'd have known it was the last time, I guess I'd never let her go. When I feel like I feel right now, in this moment I'm writing this, I don't know how I survive. But I do. But right now. It's tough. If my family didn't need me, I'd probably be strung out somewhere. You don't know how bad I want to take something to make it all go away. I just hit 6 years and 6 months of sobriety and I have no *kitten* clue how. I guess I'm lucky in that regard. Ok. I'm done now. Back to life. Had to get that out.
While I was reading your story I felt like giving you a hug.
You inspired me an some others to give ađź’ť in your post.
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