Losing motivation for absolutely no reason?

stargirlhorse

So I was having a nice January and February when I thought "hmm what if I go to the gym." Then I had a great March and April, going running, losing weight, happier with my body and then along came the POS called "June" when I hit a stall. And I've BEEN in a stall since June 2, or even gained like 1-2 pounds back. By July 2, after a month of eating 1200 calories/day and trying to do at least a 100 calorie workout every day (according to my apple watch) I was STILL 121. So I said "*kitten* my life" and started upping my calories because apparently, that could speed up your metabolism again and have been eating 1500 for the past week. And I'd been feeling kinda lightheaded when I stood up consistently, which I decided was not a good thing. (The internet says "maintenance" is anywhere between 1596 and 2000. I was very confused as to why.) I was 121 on June 2; today, about an hour after breakfast I was 123.4. I also drank about a pound of water and had a ~250cal breakfast, so, in fairness, that's probably where some of it came from, and my measuring was not entirely accurate.

Buuuuut the problem is... I have absolutely no motivation to exercise anymore. It wasn't working before, it's hot outside, and now I have a job where I work 8 hours a day 5 days a week while dealing with customers.

Where did my motivation go?? Like why can't I force myself to exercise again? I don't want to be the laughingstock in college if I can't walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. I haven't gone running in a month (mainly because my shifts usually start between 10 AM and 12 PM, so my whole day is kinda gone). I barely do cardio in my house anymore.

I read the "The Myth of Motivation" thread and it wasn't very helpful. Yeah, motivation might be a myth and you might need a disciplined mind. Too bad it doesn't tell me how to fix my brain. I also read "The Importance of Willpower for Weight Loss" and I feel that I did it gradually. I went to the gym whenever in January, went more when I could in February and early March. Mid-March through May 1 was SERIOUS time when I actually wanted to just be fit since I tried out for a sport with the video due May 1. I didn't make it so I decided to move from fitness --> weight loss and lost weight throughout May and then... hello, you POS month named June.

I'm terrified of regaining the weight it took me months to lose. I don't want to go back to my old body. I'd rather have this one (but preferably, I'd be skinny). For some reason I can't control myself around food at times. Like if a friend offers me the remainder of her french fries, I'll eat them. Or if I'm having a peanut butter/rice cake snack, I'll eat a little extra peanut butter. I don't consistently log these mini-binges in MFP since every time I see a negative number, I'll cry and feel guilty. Even after these mini-binges, I'll feel really guilty for doing it. Like I know it's bad for me. I know I'm going to gain weight back. But I do it anyways.

Help?

Melly045

Take it from me gaining the weight back that you worked so hard to lose. Put in your favorite outfit and look at yourself in the mirror let that be your motivation. I have gained back more than half of what i worked so hard to lose and TRUST me it’s harder to take off the second time around . I used to work out in the morning getting up early stinks but once your done you don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the day. I’m trying to get back to a healthy lifestyle again and it’s not easy so i honestly do know how you are feeling. You’ve got this!