Parents with Dementia

Lilutz

My dad was just diagnosed with vascular dementia, and it is progressing really fast. I have always been "Daddy's Little Girl," and, even though I am 44 years old, I don't know how to step in and be the parent (which I clearly need to do, given the specifics). As if a global pandemic and uncertainty about the future of my job weren't enough to get me spiraling, this has just derailed me from any kind of progress I was making. Is anyone else going through anything like this?

elfin168

No. My stepdad had this tho. U will need to sort out the legalities..will and power of attorney. How hard for you both.

mkcmurphy

I am very sorry to hear this. Be patient and kind with you both of you. Be honest about getting the help you both need and get it: legal, medical, social/emotional, respite. In the US there are government agencies to help with aging at the county and state levels. Groups like ALZ.org can offer connections for support groups. You are not alone.

Duck_Puddle

I’m very sorry. My mother had dementia and hers progressed quite quickly as well.

I will urge you to try and be kind to yourself. This is one of the times in life where there are things that maybe are a higher priority than weight loss goals. Navigating the world of elder care, with the added complexities of safety/memory care and legal issues (POA or conservatorship) are challenging at any time. Doing this in a pandemic and when the elder in question is a parent makes for extraordinary circumstances.

There are days you may be able to focus on your diet and have the time to prepare exactly the right food choices and carve out time for a great workout. There will likely be many days where other obligations make that difficult or impossible. Be kind to yourself on these days.

As a general rule, you’ll feel better if you’re able to eat “better” food and get some exercise. That’s true for all humans and in stressful times, anything we can do to feel better is a help. But understand that in extraordinary times-like those you’re experiencing right now-that’s not always going to be possible.

Spend your time and energy with your father, and getting things set and prepared as much as possible. If you have something left in the tank to focus on weight loss-fantastic. If not? Be kind to yourself. You deserve that.

1poundatax

I am sorry that you are going through this- it is difficult. Take time for yourself on a regular basis, even if it is only a few minutes. Do the best you can with eating and exercising but be gentle with yourself when you are unable to make the best choices. If others offer to help let them- it is very difficult to be a caretaker.

AliNouveau

My mom's mom had dementia. It was tough after my grandfather died. My mother is now disabled and needs lots of attention

If you can get some help, someone not related who can help look after your dad. It's a full time job caring for ailing parents. Also the right caregivers will help him and work with him.

When my dad died my uncle was found dead the day before.....at my uncle's funeral I turned to my cousins and said we're now the grown ups! It's really weird to realize this. Good luck and be kind to yourself

Lilutz

Thank you, everyone. I'm coping. I feel good about the care my dad is getting now, and his meds really seem to be helping. Now that I am not feeling so completely out of control, I've got more time and energy to focus on my own health now. I appreciate all of you!

jkemme2

My mom had dementia and died in July now I'm helping out my dad who is in the beginning of dementia but progressing. It's hard and many times things will be okay for awhile and then issues pop up. It's draining and heartbreaking but it's also a labor of love. I'm glad things are going better and I hope they stay that way. Please make sure you seek all possible resources right now while you're feeling better and find someone to lean on. Just do your best, that's all anybody can do. ❤️

Lilutz

jkemme2 wrote: »

My mom had dementia and died in July now I'm helping out my dad who is in the beginning of dementia but progressing. It's hard and many times things will be okay for awhile and then issues pop up. It's draining and heartbreaking but it's also a labor of love. I'm glad things are going better and I hope they stay that way. Please make sure you seek all possible resources right now while you're feeling better and find someone to lean on. Just do your best, that's all anybody can do. ❤️

Thank you. I'm sorry that you've been through this twice. I cannot imagine. As for my dad, I know this is a temporary thing that he is doing better, so I am trying to get at least the pieces in place logically and practically to prepare for the future. It's hard to prepare the heart, though.

I am realizing that I definitely need to find some good support. I'm single and an introvert, and the pandemic has made me even more reclusive than before, so I've made it one of my NY resolutions to be better about reaching out to old friends and nurturing those relationships so that I have people to lean on.

Thank you again for your support!

jkemme2

Teepa Snow on youtube has some good videos and there is a book called the 36-hour day that comes highly recommended. Although, by the time I got it I was too burned out to read it. Reading really did help me a lot though. There is a lot of strange and unsettling behaviors that can come with dementia and knowing what to expect helps. There's also a lot of online advice for how to deal with these behaviors that is immensely helpful.

I cared for my sister-in-law's mother who had vascular dementia for four years. It was actually a lot easier dealing with her dementia because it remains fairly stable until they have another tia. It's gets gradually worse with every mini stroke. She was very easy to be around but would repeat herself a lot and her anxiety grew with every tia. She mostly just needed the normal help and a lot of comforting. My mom was likely Alzheimer's and she had a rough go. I thinking it might be better to have vascular bit I'm no expert, lol.
I wish well on your journey. I hope you do reach out to your friends. I had two friends who really understood and that helped tremendously. Be kind and gentle with yourself. This too shall pass. ❤️

Lilutz

I will look into Teepa Snow! Thank you!