Recently Raped

lucerne2

Hi. I'm 55, 5'4" and 244 pounds; and I was raped 6 weeks ago. I am so disappointed in myself - that I have let myself go so much, I was an easy target. I tried to fight back, but wasn't much of a challenge. 3 days ago I joined a gym for the first time in my life. The owner asked why I was there - ya know, why now? I told him the truth and I was crying. He said if I am willing to do the work, and pay my monthly gym membership ($30), he will coach me for free to help me succeed. I am feeling so blessed to have this opportunity. I have 2 autistic kids that are 19 and 18. Now that they are graduated I feel like I can focus on myself. I also just lost my job due to Covid, so I have the time to do this, even though I am poor. (Thank God for hubby-he's still working). I need a few friends, buddies, motivation. If you can identify with me at all, please add me to your circle. Thanks.

ForLangston

A rape is NOT your fault. You survived a horrible incident. Are you interested in getting the cops involved? Please get some counseling as it may help you process all the feelings and trauma. Be kind to yourself and keep repeating, it’s not your fault because it isn’t. Sending you thoughts of support as you manage and cope.

lucerne2

Lost my job so lost my insurance. Hubby's insurance is catastrophic only, $10,000 deductible. So, I don't see any in the foreseeable future. I did go to the hospital for the "rape kit" and I reported it.

harper16

https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

I'm not sure if this might be of some help, but just because you don't have insurance doesn't mean you aren't able to reach out for help. There are many organizations that are available.

I'm so sorry for everything you went through. You are not at fault. We blame the rapist, and not the victim.

cugogirl2017

I agree, none of this is your fault. I want to wish you the very best. You have been through a lot, please be gentle and kind to yourself as you navigate this tough time.

MaltedTea

With this post, you are much stronger than you realize. We support you.

J_NY_Z

Not one bit of you being violated is your fault, not an ounce. The vulnerability in your post shows that you are heading in the right direction to heal. This is a supportive community with good people. As supportive as people are here I recommend you talk to a professional as others have pointed out.

hipari

We support you. There's no need to be disappointed in yourself, absolutely zero part of this was your fault no matter how weak or unfit you feel/are.

I'm sending you lots of virtual sympathy! I wish you all the best with your new fitness journey and hope you have at least some goals that aren't related to self-defense or violence prevention, but also to something fun and positive you look forward to achieving.

ChrissyChickie

Hi Lucerne. Please don't blame yourself for what happened, that is not your fault. Also, use the gym and owner to your advantage and there are a ton of free workout apps you can load on your phone. I don't have a huge circle of friends on mfp, but the ones I have are pretty optimistic and keep trying. I'm a little younger than you, but have a bunch of weight to lose too. I'm not always the best person to emulate, as I often eat cheesesteaks and drink beer, but I would gladly have you as a buddy. Just keep trying. Hang in there friend.

JBanx256

Obviously I don't know about the particular place you live, but lots of places have crisis centers etc that provide free counseling. Contact your local domestic violence center - obviously not saying this is an instance of DV, but they will be a great resource as far as pointing you in the right direction to free or low cost counseling & support groups. Ditto any local behavioral health/crisis center. It's at least worth a phone call or 2.

Also, even though you said your husband's insurance is catastrophic, many employers have an EAP (employee assistance program) that is also available to immediate family and covers a set number of therapy sessions etc. It can't hurt to at least ask.

bocp1866

You are absolutely positively not even one little bit to blame. It took me years to step forward and ask for help. So you are way ahead! Be kind to yourself. x

bebeisfit

Sending you lots of support and good thoughts for healing. I'm sorry someone did this to you.

ReenieHJ

@lucerne2 Oh my dear, you've been run through the wringer with everything that's happened to you, as if any one person hasn't had enough to cope with going through these Covid times.
If you're like me, your weight is a big part of how you define yourself. I KNOW we shouldn't but I always have/always will. Anyways, if you're letting it define who you are, you need to let go of that for now. Seek therapy for all you've gone through; seek to creating a healthy mind set and then work on a healthy physical self. I mean, you definitely at least need to join the 2 actions together but it sounds like there's a lot of inner negative self-imaging going on. It sounds like you need to be successful at loving and accepting yourself, before you have the motivation to change your lifestyle around.

I could be full of malarkey too. But that's just my take on this. Be gentle and kind with yourself!!

MaggieGirl135

Please contact the various resources mentioned. Another one to be considered is contacting the police in regards to a state (if you’re in the US) victims fund. They pay for various costs incurred due to the crime, including counseling.