Never Again :(

cherys

The temperature in the UK is hotter than Jamaica today. Some friends invited me to go wild swimming with them. That's something i have always wanted to do. It's even high up on my bucket list. But I said no. Pretended I had to work. Because they are all very slim and health conscious and I am borderline obese. It has really upset me. They are lovely women but I know they would be judgemental because they have all taken very good care of their health and until now I haven't. the best I can tell myself is that at least I am doing it now. I am doing 4 circuits sessions a week and staying within my goals. But I just feel sad about it. Never again. This time next year I'll be joining them.

But I could do with some support if anyone is around. I have a really big lump in my throat about having to turn down something so wonderful and it's making me ruminate on how I ever got to this state.

Oneka5

I've never participated in wild swimming but it sounds really fun and freeing. If they are your friends, then they will only want to have a good time with you. I say take them up on the offer next time. I honestly think getting out there would really help to motivate you even more. Especially now that you are working out, you may feel wow I can do this, this and this now.

BUT, i totally understand the thinking - I've lost quite a bit of weight and would love to do a ropes course but I still feel like I'm too heavy and not strong enough. Sometimes I feel it's more a mental thing than a physical. Either way sounds like you are back on track, I hope you'll be crossing things off your bucket list very soon we can do this!

NovusDies

We are not promised a tomorrow. You really need to live your life today. If you truly believe they would be judgmental get in front of it. Tell them you are working on it and you are not entirely comfortable yet.

Chances are at least some of them have other people in their life they care about they wish would be doing more for their health. Those may see you as hopeful not borderline obese.

cherys

I know what you mean Novus and Oneka. I know they'd not say anything at all - they're not rude, so why not go and enjoy myself. But I don't think I would enjoy myself. I'd be so self-conscious.

They'd never say anything but they would definitely think something. I used, when I was slim. It's not mean, it's just instinctive. I used to wonder how people let themselves get into such a state, whether they didn't realise, whether they knew what they looked like, why they didn't do something about it. I never disliked people for being overweight (I do know people who do) but I really did notice it and puzzle over it and I'm just not ready for that kind of silent judgement right now.

cherys

Thank you @Oneka5 and @NovusDies. Feeling much better now. I just wished I was at a stage of feeling confident about my body. But it has made me even more determined to work hard and stick to the plan and get to that stage.

NovusDies

cherys wrote: »

I know what you mean Novus and Oneka. I know they'd not say anything at all - they're not rude, so why not go and enjoy myself. But I don't think I would enjoy myself. I'd be so self-conscious.

They'd never say anything but they would definitely think something. I used, when I was slim. It's not mean, it's just instinctive. I used to wonder how people let themselves get into such a state, whether they didn't realise, whether they knew what they looked like, why they didn't do something about it. I never disliked people for being overweight (I do know people who do) but I really did notice it and puzzle over it and I'm just not ready for that kind of silent judgement right now.

I guess my instincts are different. When I see a larger person than I am now trying to do positive things I mentally root for them. If I see a person and I am unsure of whether they are trying or not I just hope they are or soon will be. I have no interest in the hows or whys of their present state. I know from experience it is not a single choice to let oneself go, it is hundreds and thousands of seemingly unimportant (at the time) choices and/or uninformed/unaware choices that snowballed.

Weight gain can sneak up on anyone who is not paying close attention. I think it is probably more common NOT to pay attention to your weight if you have been maintaining in the same range for a long time. If so, it does not take that much to nudge someone into a surplus. It can be as simple as taking a new job and not having time for an active hobby anymore. The eating that was fine while the hobby was in the picture is now more than needed.

Mithridites

cherys wrote: »

I just wished I was at a stage of feeling confident about my body.

There is no guarantee. You’ll see people on here who are very slim, but still have no confidence in their bodies. Their perceptions of their bodies are not very clear. Even as we lose weight, it’s a good idea to work on the confidence and self-acceptance at the same time. Some report seeing themselves obese in the mirror well into the normal range. So there’s additional work to be done while slimming down, work on the inner person, and it can be very rewarding to the future you who will go wild swimming with your friends next year.

cherys

@NovusDies - I think you are very wise and I love your attitude. I also share it, now. But I was effortlessly slim for decades before I put on weight and my friends are too. I think people who have never battled weigth issues can be judgemental and I thought they would be.

@Mithridites - that's true. People who I think are stunning can lack confidence. And I used to when I was a very normal slim weight. But having been both slim and borderline obese, I have an instinct that I will really enjoy being in a slim body when I eventually get there.

charmmeth

If you love wild swimming, why not just go for it? And as for what people are thinking: how can you know? (It might be worth reflecting that some of the slim people here have also been morbidly obese.) They might just enjoy your company! They invited you to go with them. after all. Good luck with doing what you want to do now: carpe diem!