My plan doesn't look quite how I (or my family) thought it would

LenGray
LenGray Posts: 865 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey everyone! To start, I'll put my stats on here-- 5'7, female, 271.8 lbs.

So, the reason why I'm posting is because I've been getting some pushback on my diet IRL . After a great discussion about event-based goals and what makes an athlete in the Support and Motivation forum, I decided to just embrace the active lifestyle that I wanted and be the kind of person I want to be with the hope that my body would get with the program if I stuck with it.

As a result, I'm now going to the gym 4 times a week for 35 minutes (2 days for strength, 2 for cardio), swimming once a week for an hour, stretching/resting 1 day, and then hiking/bicycling 1 day a week for 2 hours, plus riding my bike or walking for 20 minutes a day for fun. I built up this amount of activity over 2 months and listen to my body/skip workouts as needed for recovery.

I'm seeing some pretty great progress inch-wise and I feel really strong and happy, but I haven't lost much weight (about 7 pounds as of this morning). Where I'm getting pushback is that I bumped my calories up to support my lifestyle-- and not starve-- and my parents are shocked at how much I'm eating and exercising. They're worried that I'm going to overdo things and lose all of my progress.

They keep telling me that I need to cut my calories down and dial back my activity so I can lose weight before I become as active as I've been. But, to be honest, I'm pretty happy with losing inches and slowly dropping weight (losing 1 lb a week) as long as I can be active and have fun with the activities I'm doing. But, I get why they're worried, since I'm still pretty obese and they don't want me to get hurt.

Any advice or opinions about how to handle this? I know it's a big change and my weight loss doesn't look the way any of us thought it would, but I think it's been effective/sustainable so far...

Replies

  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,876 Member
    edited August 2020
    It sounds like you're doing great. You will have to lower your calories a bit as you lose weight (a smaller body burns less calories) to stay at the same rate of loss, so don't forget to update your calorie goal as you lose weight.

    How much food you're eating and how active you are is not your family's 'business' , honestly. Losing 1lb a week is sustainable and your exercise doesn't sound excessive. Just be careful to not push yourself too hard and take a step back as soon as you think you might not be recovering enough or risking an injury, and just keep up the good work!
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,876 Member
    LunaTheFatCat wrote: »

    I tend to not tell people I'm trying to lose weight, that way no one will feel the need to give me unwanted advice either.

    Me too, and I rarely talk about my methods and calorie goals to the few people who know, since I have no inclination to fight all the weight loss myths they've internalised and want to push on me.
  • riffraff2112
    riffraff2112 Posts: 1,756 Member
    Without too many specifics it seems like you are making progress with a sound plan. It actually is unusual for people to up their calories to make room for all the exercise so you are commended for having a plan and sticking with it. Far too many people limit calories and increase activity from sedentary to 'all-out' and find it tough to stick with.
    You mentioned you are enjoying it and are seeing progress so IMO that is the best indication that you are likely to continue to succeed.
  • littlegreenparrot1
    littlegreenparrot1 Posts: 702 Member
    Personally I have always found it easier to do more than to eat less.
    I find if I am sticking to some kind of fitness plan, the eating follows along afterwards. It never really works for me the other way round, so I get where your coming from.

    It sounds like you have a well thought out plan, that you enjoy and is helping you to make progress. And you're also ready to adjust as necessary according to how you feel and things progress. It is difficult to see a problem with that.

    As a responsible adult you get to decide what your plan looks like. Sometimes it's necessary to kindly and assertively remind parents that this is the case.
    My mother doesn't understand why I run, or would spend hours every weekend out on trails on my own. She doesn't need to, she only needs to know I am happy and safe, the rest is irrelevant as it's my choice and not hers.
    I would say the same applies to you.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    1 pound a week is a fantastic rate of loss, especially given that you have the energy and motivation to be active.

    The thing many of us find when we get serious about weight management is that so many of our friends and family have completely distorted ideas about what it should look like. They think we should be starving ourselves or never eating fat or generally be miserable. Or they may see us engaging in new forms of activity and become concerned that we're overdoing it (because many of us don't have great role models to understand what healthy and balanced active lifestyles can look like).

    It's hard when people are expressing concerns that come from a place of love but aren't necessarily grounded in what we know is best for us. In those situations, I just thanked them and kept on with my plan.
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    Congrats on your progress so far and finding a program that works for you!

    How old are you? Do you live with your parents or is there some other reason you have to "handle this" besides not liking the fact that your parents disagree with your plan? Having negative feelings about the disagreement is a perfectly valid reason to want it resolved, just asking if there's a risk this disagreement might derail your plan somehow.
  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
    edited August 2020
    There is so much misinformation out there about how to lose weight and how to be healthy. Your parents, family could easily be caught up in that. Is your doctor on board with what you're doing? If so, point that out to your family. And perhaps discuss less with your family. Learn to take any unsolicited 'advice' by nodding and saying something noncommittal like "I'll keep that in mind."

    Do you have any health reasons to indicate that you may not be able to handle the exercise you're now doing? If not, go for it! You've built up to where you are - and it sounds like you enjoy what you are doing. Exercise is good for heart & lung health. Waiting until you lose weight to improve your heart & lungs does not make sense to me.

    If you feel like you can trim back your calories a little in order to aim for a higher rate of loss, that is fine. But you don't 'have' to. This is a new life you are living, so there really is not a due date or finish line on the calendar.
  • QuilterInVA
    QuilterInVA Posts: 672 Member
    Lietchi wrote: »
    It sounds like you're doing great. You will have to lower your calories a bit as you lose weight (a smaller body burns less calories) to stay at the same rate of loss, so don't forget to update your calorie goal as you lose weight.

    How much food you're eating and how active you are is not your family's 'business' , honestly. Losing 1lb a week is sustainable and your exercise doesn't sound excessive. Just be careful to not push yourself too hard and take a step back as soon as you think you might not be recovering enough or risking an injury, and just keep up the good work!

    She is living at home. If her family buys her food, it is their business.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,453 Member
    Weight loss is a very personal process. You may or may not change things up going forward. I guess I would likely say nothing in response to the parents. They may be right, they may be wrong, but it's not worth getting into an argument. I'd change the subject EVERY time they bring it up. Refuse to engage with it.

    You're in charge of how much you move and the food you eat. Keep it going. Well done on the weight loss and increased fitness!
  • LenGray
    LenGray Posts: 865 Member
    edited August 2020
    @QuilterInVA, @janejellyroll, and @Go_Deskercise, I live at home with my dad, but do most of the shopping and cooking :) I think they (mostly mom, who is back in the country/visiting a lot lately) think I'm eating too much because I'm eating a ton of food all the time.

    Right now, my meals are about 600 calories each with 300 calories in snacks, which will be something like eggs with salsa, peanut butter toast, strawberries, and vegan sausage links for breakfast or black bean meatballs with lots of steamed veggies, mashed potatoes and gravy for lunch. Then, I'll go for a bike ride for two hours, come home and eat tons of fruit and veggies, and a big bowl of tofu stir fry with cucumber salad and black bean brownies. Even though these are (fairly) low-cal, they're really volume-heavy and I'm eating nearly every 2-4 hours or so.

    My mom says I'm eating like a teenager again (I used to be in track+softball) and I'll gain a ton of weight and/or injure myself if I keep going. Her concern has now made my dad concerned and she's using my slow rate of loss to justify her negative thinking and I want to set his mind at ease by explaining that what I'm doing makes sense.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,453 Member
    Forgive me for asking, but is there some psychological issue going on that would cause your parents to be so overly-involved and you not feeling safe in telling them to leave you to it?

    It's none of my business really, and you certainly don't have to answer, but from the age of 14 on I don't think I would have been too concerned with what my mother said, :lol: I probably would have just rolled my eyes (which would NOT have gone over well, by the way.)


    Can you just detach mentally when they start in on it? I would just leave the room.
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
    LunaTheFatCat wrote: »
    I tend to not tell people I'm trying to lose weight, that way no one will feel the need to give me unwanted advice either.

    Best advice on this whole site.
  • LenGray
    LenGray Posts: 865 Member
    Not on my end, though my mom is a certified narcissist. She gets weird when I succeed in losing weight. When I got started on this track, she kept trying to have me drive her places when I was supposed to meet people at the gym or would order a dozen donuts and keep them on my work desk (working at home, at the moment) for days at a time. Same with pizza. Honestly, I just try to ignore her most of the time, but it's a little harder now that she lives close by.

    My dad is supportive, but from a conversation with him earlier today I get the impression that she's been telling him unrealistic scenarios related to weight loss, such as suggesting that I won't want to be around him or that I'll end up with an obsessive relationship to food/exercise. Neither are true, but I think that's why he's got a lot of questions/concerns lately.

    Having thought on it, I think I'll have a talk with him about it and show him some of the resources that I'm basing all of this on, that way he's not worried and reiterate that I just need him to support my efforts and trust that I know what I'm doing. And I'll continue ignoring my mom, of course lol
  • ChrissyChickie
    ChrissyChickie Posts: 182 Member
    LenGray wrote: »
    Hey everyone! To start, I'll put my stats on here-- 5'7, female, 271.8 lbs.

    ...
    They keep telling me that I need to cut my calories down and dial back my activity so I can lose weight before I become as active as I've been. ...

    Well, I'm doing like you are, exercising and dieting. My weight loss is slow, but I am probably twice as old as you. Different people & different plans have different views on which path to follow. My step-daughter is currently on the Optavia plan (I believe) and she shared that it is strictly food focused in the beginning and they discourage people from going to the gym because they believe the gym and working out would hinder the progress. She is currently in her first month and has lost weight. I'm not going to do this plan though because I've finally gotten myself to the point where I enjoy going to the gym. I also like eating real food and paying $400 a month for protein powders and snacks is not for me. Everyone has their own views. There may be some things out there that are a definite 'do not do this,' but, other than that... there are plenty of 'right plans'... just find the one that is right for you!
    Good luck! :smile:
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    LenGray wrote: »
    she's using my slow rate of loss to justify her negative thinking

    Uhh. You’re losing one pound a week. That’s not really slow by any reasonable standards, imo. Good for you on keeping your head on straight and focusing on your own sensible plan!

  • LenGray
    LenGray Posts: 865 Member
    @ChrissyChickie, Thanks for the reply! :D So far, this plan seems to be working for me and I like variety (and the food, of course ;p)

    @hipari, Yeah, I think she's comparing my loss to the 'lose weight quick' schemes. While my rate is slower than some, it's definitely more sensible for me :)
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,584 Member
    LenGray wrote: »
    Not on my end, though my mom is a certified narcissist. She gets weird when I succeed in losing weight. When I got started on this track, she kept trying to have me drive her places when I was supposed to meet people at the gym or would order a dozen donuts and keep them on my work desk (working at home, at the moment) for days at a time. Same with pizza. Honestly, I just try to ignore her most of the time, but it's a little harder now that she lives close by.

    My dad is supportive, but from a conversation with him earlier today I get the impression that she's been telling him unrealistic scenarios related to weight loss, such as suggesting that I won't want to be around him or that I'll end up with an obsessive relationship to food/exercise. Neither are true, but I think that's why he's got a lot of questions/concerns lately.

    Having thought on it, I think I'll have a talk with him about it and show him some of the resources that I'm basing all of this on, that way he's not worried and reiterate that I just need him to support my efforts and trust that I know what I'm doing. And I'll continue ignoring my mom, of course lol

    If your dad is supportive, and not the kind of guy who'd worry you'd lie to him, can you use your conversations with your doctor as part of encouraging him to understand that you're on a good track?

    I admit I didn't have parents in the audience (I'm old, they're gone), but "I've talked with my doctor about my pan, and he's happy with it" was an excellent shut-down for friends and other relatives who wanted me to change course during weight loss.

    I think your overall plan about talking with your dad is a really good one. If he generally wants to support you, then it seems like an excellent approach to take the time to outline your thought process, resources you've relied on for info, and your plan in more comprehensive detail, so he can understand better that you've done your homework, and are on a healthy, well-thought-out course.

    Because you are!

    (Nice work. 😉)
  • RockingWithLJ
    RockingWithLJ Posts: 243 Member
    I personally think that you're on the right track when it comes to changing your lifestyle to something better. Weight loss is a fraction of the entire goal. What matters is that you're active and eating right.
    Your parents hearts are in the right place for sure. Have they going with you to witness what you're doing? Maybe the unknown is what is creating this in them
  • ChrissyChickie
    ChrissyChickie Posts: 182 Member
    LenGray wrote: »
    @ChrissyChickie, Thanks for the reply! :D So far, this plan seems to be working for me and I like variety (and the food, of course ;p)

    @hipari, Yeah, I think she's comparing my loss to the 'lose weight quick' schemes. While my rate is slower than some, it's definitely more sensible for me :)

    Sweetie, if this is working for you, you just keep doing it. You are losing weight and you are enjoying the food and exercise you are doing. You are on a plan which 1) you are successful with and 2) you enjoy. Just keep at it, keep your chin up and you will get there. Have fun and enjoy yourself. So many people look towards the end goal and say 'I'll be happy when I'm at ###', etc. Enjoy your entire journey!! You've got this!!

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