Feeling like I'm never going to win...

niania862016

This will be a long story, so you might need a cup of tea

I have been obese since I remember myself. Always the chubby girl. Moreover, I realized that fact very early - I remember I was in 2nd Grade, standing on one side of room in school dance and thinking that boy I liked won't ask me to dance because I am fat. When I grew older and started to work in summers, my friends bought toys and pretty dresses for the money they earned, but I bought running shoes. Did not win the fight with my weight then as I lacked knowledge and support from my family. Somewhere in my twenties I tried Weight Watchers, lost a little weight, but it all came back. I am 165cm/5f5in tall. As adult most of the time I weighed approx 83kg/182 pounds. After pregnancy: 93kg/205pounds.

I have been trying to educate myself on healthy food issues and being active for as long as I remember, but not very successfully - because all changes in diet brought barely noticeable results. After giving birth to my son in 2016 and recovering, I managed to find one healthy weight loss program which worked and I was down to 72kg/160pounds. I felt pretty for first time in my adult life. I felt almost normal. I thought that I won - that I found what works for me and now I will be able to maintain weight and loose a bit again if I needed. But my body laughed at me for my wishful thinking.

It all came tumbling down again - perhaps because of stress and too much salt in my food and other reasons unknown to me, I developed gastrointestinal problems - gastritis, dyspepsia and heartburn. At the beginning it was so bad I could barely eat one table spoon of food at a time. And weirdest thing was that I did not loose any more weight in that time. After time and some medicine, stomach felt a little better, but heartburn was awful. Every time I bent or was hungry it would burn awfully, felt like acid is literally squirting out of my stomach into esophagus and then it would hurt awfully for 3-4 days. The only thing that saved me from reflux was to eat very often. Wherever I went I had to carry a tiny box of home cooked food with me. So after a year I was back to 180 pounds again. Without chance to cut back on food because of reflux. Both my stomach and reflux is a bit better, but I still have reflux if I try to cut back on food. I still cannot eat a lot of foods because my stomach would relapse back in pain and other symptoms. My usual food is steamed/boiled chicken, lots of veggies, a bit of fruits and ice cream. No bread, eggs, pasta or similar stuff.

I guess I am just looking for support, ideas, perhaps some experience, if someone has similar problems? How to cut back on food without aggravating heartburn? How to lose weight in this case? With this I sometimes feel that I am never going to win. That I never get to feel beautiful again. I have so often felt like this is not my body - not who I am supposed to be.

And with these stomach aches and heartburn I have learned what medical term on "quality of life" was invented for. It is so depressing to be in pain almost every week, not being able to eat things which are normal for others, because it will cause pain for days.

Thanks!

mel35645

I’m so sorry for all that you are going through with your health. Getting Your health and pain under control has to be the priority the weight loss will come after. You said your not beautiful anymore, beauty definitely comes from the inside out and it’s not defined by a number on a scale or the size of our clothes. Being in constant pain can’t help anyone feel beautiful. You have to advocate for your health so if you are not getting answers for your Dr about how to treat your condition you need to consider seeing a different physician. Make your health a priority over your weight the weight loss will follow.

Dogmom1978

Do you weigh the foods that you eat currently? Weight loss is about CICO and you need to eat at a deficit to lose weight. I see no mention in the above post of these foods being weighed, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t already doing it. I never assume either way though, so that’s why it’s my first question. 😊

nanastaci2020

Weight loss is about how many calories you consume. Some foods will probably encourage the heartburn more than others. My husband deals with heartburn, and takes an over the counter medicine most days. He knows that some food are harder on him than others. Red pasta sauce for example is harder to handle. He has also noticed that if he eats less carbohydrates per meal, the heartburn is not as bad. I do not know that is universal, or just something particular to him.

When you put your information in to Myfitnesspal and set goals - try putting in for 1 or 1.5 pounds per week for a rate of weight loss. What calorie goal does it give you? That is your starting point. The next step is logging all your food, and anything else with calories (drinks, condiments, cooking oils) accurately and completely. Eating foods you enjoy, meaning foods that won't put you in pain hopefully.

If eating often helps, then eat often. But less per session perhaps. Chicken, veggies, fruit: all should work into a reasonable calorie #. The ice cream may need to be an occasional thing rather than daily. And if you can increase your activity level, that is going to help your overall health.

You also may want to look into heart burn treatment, possibly prescription strength and continue working with your docs for some relief.

niania862016

mel35645 wrote: »

You said your not beautiful anymore, beauty definitely comes from the inside out and it’s not defined by a number on a scale or the size of our clothes.

Thanks! I know that this is how I should feel, but my brain just can't seem to register this idea

Dogmom1978 wrote: »

Do you weigh the foods that you eat currently?

when I was in active weight loss phase I did weigh all my foods. Now I am looking for motivation and ideas on how to enter this active phase again, because after a few short tries my heartburn was not happy about the idea of eating less. I am experimenting now - trying to find more soothing foods, which would be less calories, but soothing enough for stomach.


nanastaci2020
I totally agree about eating less carbs - it helps me too. About treatment - I have seen a few doctors over the time, but all they want to prescribe is drugs that decrease stomach acid - to me these are a vicious circle - heartburn is less if I use such medicines, but stomach feels a lot worse. If I eat foods that agree with me, it is not as bad (stomach itself). But I still have trouble figuring out way on how to decrease food intake without having heartburn flare ups.

Dogmom1978

niania862016 wrote: »

mel35645 wrote: »

You said your not beautiful anymore, beauty definitely comes from the inside out and it’s not defined by a number on a scale or the size of our clothes.

Thanks! I know that this is how I should feel, but my brain just can't seem to register this idea

Dogmom1978 wrote: »

Do you weigh the foods that you eat currently?

when I was in active weight loss phase I did weigh all my foods. Now I am looking for motivation and ideas on how to enter this active phase again, because after a few short tries my heartburn was not happy about the idea of eating less. I am experimenting now - trying to find more soothing foods, which would be less calories, but soothing enough for stomach.


nanastaci2020
I totally agree about eating less carbs - it helps me too. About treatment - I have seen a few doctors over the time, but all they want to prescribe is drugs that decrease stomach acid - to me these are a vicious circle - heartburn is less if I use such medicines, but stomach feels a lot worse. If I eat foods that agree with me, it is not as bad (stomach itself). But I still have trouble figuring out way on how to decrease food intake without having heartburn flare ups.

I’m not sure how soothing foods would be less calories. Remember that you can still eat too many calories even if you only eat veggies all day long. 😊

GabiV125

I had hyper acidity for years and so was my father; he ignored it until he got a full blown perforated stomach ulcer.
You obviously tried plenty but here’s what I ate as my 6+ daily meals: lots of cooked vegetables, cooked meats but just once or twice a day, no spicy/greasy/fried food, no coffee/alcohol, no teas except from plants, no citric fruit, lots of unflavored yogurt and kefir, pickles, nuts, beans, 1/2-1 burnt toast with almost every meal. <<Eat slowly, go for a short walk after every meal (it stimulates digestion), and drink plenty of water. >>
I got better for about 20 years now, and have been eating/drinking everything (hence being here) but in times of high stress I still get the early signs, so I carry crackers in my purse.
We are all unique, so your body may need a completely different approach, but with patience and help from some good professionals, I hope you get your health back. Best of luck!