Moms and junk food

favabean1982

So, I have an issue which is both good and bad depending on how you look at it. Growing up, my wife and I had pretty typical diets-fruit snacks & granola bars for snacks, but never an excessive amount, dinners around the table throughout the week, and fast food every once in a while. I also had grandparents whom I would spend a day or two with out of the week at their house while my parents worked and a second set of grandparents who lived out of town but I still saw a few times a year. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

Since my wife and I have had children, our moms, both of whom live very close by, have been extremely helpful in terms of child care during the week, which is a blessing. However, this comes with a caveat-my mom will always come loaded with food every time she comes over-mini muffins, tons of fruit, dinner that she'll make for us and other miscellaneous items as well such as ice cream. My wife's mom will usually bring similar items and then bake cookies at our house as well. Plus, when my mom picks up the kids from school a few times through the week she’ll frequently take them out for ice cream, McDonald’s, and the like.

Again, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining too much, as they're both sweet women who've been helpful and all of this is undoubtedly done out of kindness. My issue is that I try to stick to a pretty healthy diet and I want nothing more than for the rest of the family to follow suit-for the most part, when we go shopping, we do, though I still feel like there's a few things we could change in that regard...however, that's another story. The bigger problem is the moms-my mom's dinners, for example, are not spectacular, as they're meals I grew up with and, quite honestly, didn't care for at all, which resulted in some terrible eating habits I'm still trying to overcome (she's a very bland cook). She also makes dinners that are absolutely massive, with the mentality that we won't have to cook for the rest of the week-this is a problem, as I don’t feel like eating these meals and we desperately need variety in our dinners throughout the week. Plus, although bringing fruit is one thing (I wish it were vegetables, but that's just me), it's not the end of the world. It's the mini muffins, for example, and yesterday she brought us donuts, caramel apples and a gigantic bag of apples from an apple farm she visited with my son while I was working. Not only are the donuts and caramel apples not spectacular in terms of health, but I had planned on making a healthier donut recipe with the kids, as well as take the family apple picking this weekend-not anymore, I guess.

On top of that, my wife's mom brought us even more apples today, and I can hear her making M&M cookies as I type this. These examples represent this particular week, but every week that they come over has similar issues in terms of food they prepare/bring us. It's too the point where I wonder why my mom never makes a meal I actually enjoy, and my wife & I agree that the sheer volume of food they bring seems to indicate that the moms think we don't know how to properly feed our children. Our cupboards are so full of junk food it's ridiculous.

What do we do about this? I'm very disappointed about the apples & donuts that my mom decided to unload on us-I realize she didn't know that I was planning on this, but still, it's a lot of food once again. The same can be said about my wife's mom and the cookies, mini muffins (she and my mom buy the same exact brand for some odd reason) and so forth. I know that there's people around the world who would love to have this problem and I again can't deny the kindness, but I'm starting to worry about the health of my children, who spend tons of time in the kitchen looking for snacks. I can see the beginnings of some bad habits on their end-my son, for example, rarely touches his dinner, which I know is due to all the snacking he does. I've tried to put limits on the food they get from the pantry or fridge, but another issue is that due to the sheer volume of food much of it tends to go bad before we get to it, which is also upsetting.

Please don't pounce on me about this-I don't want this to come off the wrong way. This could easily be dismissed as grandmas being grandmas, but truly, if you saw what I had to deal with, it’s at a different level than that. I just want this to stop, or at least drastically cut down on. My wife's understandably tired of my complaining about this, but I fear if I bring this up to either mom they'll be very upset and offended as both are fairly sensitive. As a final note, I mentioned trying to eat healthy myself which is very difficult when the house is packed with bad food. My mom has even stopped by unannounced with giant boxes of donuts and has said, verbatim, how she's here with bad food for us. What can I do?

harper16

I'd bring it up to the mom's, and if you don't want the junk food in your house throw it away.

favabean1982

I wish it were that easy, the speaking to them part, but I feel like these things they’ve been doing are all they have at this point in their lives. Plus, throwing away food peeves me just as much as having it around!

nanastaci2020

You talk to your mother. Your wife should talk to hers. They will receive the information better this way.

Nothing wrong with setting boundaries, expecting the Grandmas to discuss their field trip plans in advance. Bring up the apple picking example, as that was something you had planned. It will be a good example and not just a 'we don't want you doing fun things with the kids'. And ask that they back off on the sweets, because you want them to be an occasional thing instead of constant.

mom22dogs

We have done this with my mom. She has had a series of strokes over the years, and her only hobby is cooking/baking. (Part of the reason she has had these strokes - she eats this crap). You literally have to say, I appreciate the thought, but I won't eat this, or can't eat it, or whatever. We tell her to not waste the food on us. I will throw food away if she insists on sending some things home. A lot of what she makes is WAY too salty to eat, or burned/overcooked, most likely due to the cognitive deficiencies she now has due to the strokes. Goes directly in the garbage and I don't feel guilty about it anymore, because no one should be eating that crap food. We just had to start being honest but diplomatic about it and she has backed off. She still tries, but not nearly as often.

missmeggg

Pass some on to a neighbor, maybe? If you don't want to throw it away, but you don't want it in your house, see if someone else might want it.

nanastaci2020

Wasting food: may be a mental roadblock you need to work on. Whether you eat it or not, the $ has already been spent. You don't get a refund for eating it. You don't get a refund for throwing it away. So if you do not want to do the harder task of talking to them, choose to clear out much of the food/treats after they leave.

But in all honesty, sometimes feelings get hurt. And then we go on. If we always live trying not to 'hurt' anyone else, is everyone actually better off? no.

Mithridites

Drop off the lion's share of the snacks at a community kitchen or homeless shelter. Make it into something you do with the kids. The very next morning after the granny sabotage lands, have them pick a small amount to keep and then donate the rest. Speak with charities in your area. You might be pleasantly surprised how much (of the decent but too rich food) you can share. Keep dumping the food no one should be eating. Sorry your mom is not well. There's nothing more you can do there without repeatedly breaking her heart. Maybe your mom in law can be reasoned with? But that's a minefield in itself, maybe best approached by her daughter. Where DOES your wife stand in this? As for the competitive grannies, I know the type. They are desperately trying to connect, to be useful, to be loved. Unfortunately they're limited in how they go about it. My mom is the same. I have to be very firm. Repeatedly.

Jacq_qui

Sounds hard, but I agree you don't have to eat it. (I wouldn't throw it away though, do you have food banks near you?) My dad is similar, not a baker by any means, but he brings the kids sweets every time, he wants to make them happy and shows his affection this way. He thinks I'm the 'fun police', but he does now check before he brings things - he buys a packet of sweets and divides it up into little portions and brings them them a small around. Or he will bring something like yoghurts or fruit drinks (yep, I'm mean, we don't even have squash in the house). These are things which I am happy for them to have as treats. You do have to educate them and keep repeating it, explaining why -be o pen and honest. I've raised my diet growing up, it's a known issue, whilst I don't complain about it - they didn't know any better, I do want to do things differently. Also explain there are other things they can bring them, eg non food gifts that are still treats. Christmas is still an issue, last year I donated a lot to the food bank!

As for the meals, I would also explain to your mum's that you have already bought food for the week and that it will go off if you don't use it - perhaps you don't have enough storage space for it all in the freezer, or maybe you haven't finished working through the last lot of stuff yet. Perhaps you meal plan have bought food for that and that you don't have the need for extra meals or it will put you over your calorie budget. Could they volunteer somewhere and bake and cook there, it sounds like they have good skills!

As for baking with the kids, perhaps take control of what they are baking - so flapjack not m&m cookies. Banana bread instead of muffins, etc.

Unannounced donuts? Take one (or one each for your family), send the box back home with them saying you can't take them as lovely as it is. Tell them how many calories are in each donut, explain what an adult/child needs per day and say that one is a treat but a box would be crazy. They will learn eventually, but it's hard re educating!

SuzySunshine99

It sounds like both moms are very loving and helpful members of the family.

So, I would hope, that if you sat down with your mom, just the two of you, and told her that you were concerned for your family's health, she would listen to you. Tell her you've been struggling to eat a healthier diet, and ask for her help. Don't blame her for anything she's done. From how you describe her, she'd probably ask how she can help. Be honest with her about bringing extra food into the house, whether it's healthy or not. Tell her how the stress of having this extra food around affects you.

As for her cooking meals, tell her you're going to start a weekly meal-planning routine, and then do it. Plan every dinner and buy the necessary ingredients. If she want to still cook, ask her to cook the meal that you have planned for that night. Since you bought the ingredients, you can control how big the portions are. Maybe you can find some new recipes for her to try, maybe some the kids can help with, too.

I think this can be done without criticizing, blaming, or hurt feelings. You just need to frame it as needing her help to make sure your family stays healthy.

Your wife should then have the same conversation with her mom.