negative thinking gets in the way of success
Options
TamLam99
Posts: 247 Member
How do you stay motivated and remain positive even when you have a long road ahead ?
I'm struggling. I know how to do this and it's such a simple concept but my negative thoughts about the process and the level of commitment seem to trip me up. I know losing weight will benefit my health and I'll feel stronger, get to wear cuter clothes, gain confidence, be happier, but every time I try to recommit my negative thoughts take over. Swirling thoughts in my head about being hungry all the time and not being able to have fun, everything has to be so planned out, it takes so long, I can't be spontaneous, the list goes on but you get the drift, I'm torturing myself.
I need to lose a solid 60-70 pounds and my calorie goals are set to 1/2 pound a week (I know I can't eat any less without being hangry all the time). I walk every day and on the weekends we hike or go for a bike ride so I'm somewhat active already. I need some positive vibes, some tips or tricks, a magic spell, anything.
I'm struggling. I know how to do this and it's such a simple concept but my negative thoughts about the process and the level of commitment seem to trip me up. I know losing weight will benefit my health and I'll feel stronger, get to wear cuter clothes, gain confidence, be happier, but every time I try to recommit my negative thoughts take over. Swirling thoughts in my head about being hungry all the time and not being able to have fun, everything has to be so planned out, it takes so long, I can't be spontaneous, the list goes on but you get the drift, I'm torturing myself.
I need to lose a solid 60-70 pounds and my calorie goals are set to 1/2 pound a week (I know I can't eat any less without being hangry all the time). I walk every day and on the weekends we hike or go for a bike ride so I'm somewhat active already. I need some positive vibes, some tips or tricks, a magic spell, anything.
7
Replies
-
I also have about 65 lbs to lose. I’ve lost about 13 already. What helps me to keep going, when those thoughts start to swirl, is to look at myself and think “You can either continue to eat the way you were and continue to look and feel the way you are, or you can change the way you eat, and thus, look and feel. But you can’t eat like this and expect any change to how you look now. What is worth more to you, changing the way you eat or changing the way you look and feel?” The honest answer to that question will determine what you do. Only you can answer that question and change or not change, what you will. It’s entirely up to us, what our course of action is. It’s a very clear choice too, actually. And there have been many times in my life, where my answer was, I want to keep eating the way I am. And that is why I still have 60-70 lbs to lose.7
-
I know losing weight will benefit my health and I'll feel stronger, get to wear cuter clothes, gain confidence, be happier, but every time I try to recommit my negative thoughts take over. Swirling thoughts in my head about being hungry all the time and not being able to have fun, everything has to be so planned out, it takes so long, I can't be spontaneous, the list goes on but you get the drift, I'm torturing myself.
Perhaps the issue is your approach? Half a lb per week is a small deficit, it shouldn't make you hungry, unless you are choosing foods that don't satiate you (but you can work on that). Or are you perhaps not eating back exercise calories? And why not able to have fun? Are all your fun activities linked to food? What to you need to plan out and why does it take so long ?
I've lost over 50lbs, at a slower weight loss rate just like you. But I haven't really had the issues you are torturing yourself over. So maybe you can change your approach so that these downsides are tempered? (I will say that my lifestyle is perhaps very different from yours, which would also explain my different experience)2 -
gracegettingittogether wrote: »I also have about 65 lbs to lose. I’ve lost about 13 already. What helps me to keep going, when those thoughts start to swirl, is to look at myself and think “You can either continue to eat the way you were and continue to look and feel the way you are, or you can change the way you eat, and thus, look and feel. But you can’t eat like this and expect any change to how you look now. What is worth more to you, changing the way you eat or changing the way you look and feel?” The honest answer to that question will determine what you do. Only you can answer that question and change or not change, what you will. It’s entirely up to us, what our course of action is. It’s a very clear choice too, actually. And there have been many times in my life, where my answer was, I want to keep eating the way I am. And that is why I still have 60-70 lbs to lose.
Continuing the bad habits seems to be easier, but losing the weight will be more rewarding.2 -
Continuing the bad habits seems to be easier, but losing the weight will be more rewarding.[/quote]
Very true!1 -
Great post. Pardon me if I ramble. There’s a lot here.
First, never mind the name of the board, but motivation is overrated. Fact is motivation is fleeting. I think we’d be better served if the board was named Determination & Persistence. If we’re going to be successful we can’t just do our plan when it feels good.
It takes 2 things to lose weight- a calorie deficit and the ability to live with it long term. Don’t kick yourself for having your calories set at 1/2 lb. There’s a tendency to go all in on an aggressive deficit and then try to beat ourselves into living with it. Read this board a lot and you’ll see that doesn’t work so well. The trend is your friend. It’s a livable downward trend that will get you to goal and keep you there. Because not much changes at goal weight there’s no point in rushing.
Negative thinking. We can’t stop our brains. Just how it is. Our brains are going even when we sleep. People spend years learning meditation trying to get some peace. But not everything that goes on in our heads is thinking. I look on thinking as deliberative process. Thinking gets tiresome. We can’t do it all the time. So because our brains can’t shut up, they just take up the slack with filler. Add to that the fact that our brains love repetition. A big part of our brain would be happiest if today was just like yesterday. Need proof. Look at how many reruns are on cable TV. So our brains put out a lot of negative stuff out of habit. It’s easy.
What to do? First, just notice what’s happening. “You are messing this up just like last time.” There it goes, the same negative thought. Now that you’ve identified the thought, push back. This might take some work. A way I pushed back against past failure is “The past does not control the future.” I got that our of a weight loss book and it stuck. but you need tp find what works for you. It might take days or weeks to find what you think is a credible response. Just keep trying. But you need to find pushback that you believe in. Look around in the literature, not for answers, but for ideas that may make sense to you.
And this. Don’t be disturbed if the old thoughts keep coming. The point isn’t to turn them off or try to turn negatives to positives. All you need to do is fight the negatives to a draw when they come around. Sooner or later we all get around to some positive thinking. If we neutralize the negatives we are left with net positives.
You don’t say how long you’ve been at this or how much you’ve lost. I thought weight loss was going to be the death of fun. But what I found was liberation. You seem to be pretty far ahead of where I was when I started as you are already into hiking and biking. I was struggling to walk more than 2 blocks. Maybe you need to try some new activities or some non food rewards.
My favorite was new clothes. Hard to believe.
Maybe try this exercise to work on the aspects of the program you don’t like. Take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle and make two lists- why you want to lose weight one side, why you don’t on the other. Spend some time on it to ry to get everything down. If something seems too silly put it down anyway. Now look at the lists and see if there are any compromises you can make to satisfy both sides. Avoid the temptation to try to run over your own objections. Both sides can find ways to get some of what they want.
And know this- you will get results. Calorie counting works. It has to work it’s how our bodies are designed. It’s science. We are built to store excess calories to see us through hard times. In the modern world hard times never come for a lot of us. It’s a good problem to have. We just need to learn to live within some reasonable limits. You can do this. Good luck.
6 -
I know losing weight will benefit my health and I'll feel stronger, get to wear cuter clothes, gain confidence, be happier, but every time I try to recommit my negative thoughts take over. Swirling thoughts in my head about being hungry all the time and not being able to have fun, everything has to be so planned out, it takes so long, I can't be spontaneous, the list goes on but you get the drift, I'm torturing myself.
Perhaps the issue is your approach? Half a lb per week is a small deficit, it shouldn't make you hungry, unless you are choosing foods that don't satiate you (but you can work on that). Or are you perhaps not eating back exercise calories? And why not able to have fun? Are all your fun activities linked to food? What to you need to plan out and why does it take so long ?
I've lost over 50lbs, at a slower weight loss rate just like you. But I haven't really had the issues you are torturing yourself over. So maybe you can change your approach so that these downsides are tempered? (I will say that my lifestyle is perhaps very different from yours, which would also explain my different experience)
I do eat my exercise calories but I am a very picky eater with a giant appetite so I realize that's a hindrance. We enjoy going on weekend adventures and being spontaneous, we are on the go and part of the fun is seeing new places and grabbing some food out, and I am not a fan of salads. I love baking sweets but can't really do that when I'm dieting since I have very little control. I feel like like some of my enjoyment gets squashed.1 -
Great post. Pardon me if I ramble. There’s a lot here.
First, never mind the name of the board, but motivation is overrated. Fact is motivation is fleeting. I think we’d be better served if the board was named Determination & Persistence. If we’re going to be successful we can’t just do our plan when it feels good.
It takes 2 things to lose weight- a calorie deficit and the ability to live with it long term. Don’t kick yourself for having your calories set at 1/2 lb. There’s a tendency to go all in on an aggressive deficit and then try to beat ourselves into living with it. Read this board a lot and you’ll see that doesn’t work so well. The trend is your friend. It’s a livable downward trend that will get you to goal and keep you there. Because not much changes at goal weight there’s no point in rushing.
Negative thinking. We can’t stop our brains. Just how it is. Our brains are going even when we sleep. People spend years learning meditation trying to get some peace. But not everything that goes on in our heads is thinking. I look on thinking as deliberative process. Thinking gets tiresome. We can’t do it all the time. So because our brains can’t shut up, they just take up the slack with filler. Add to that the fact that our brains love repetition. A big part of our brain would be happiest if today was just like yesterday. Need proof. Look at how many reruns are on cable TV. So our brains put out a lot of negative stuff out of habit. It’s easy.
What to do? First, just notice what’s happening. “You are messing this up just like last time.” There it goes, the same negative thought. Now that you’ve identified the thought, push back. This might take some work. A way I pushed back against past failure is “The past does not control the future.” I got that our of a weight loss book and it stuck. but you need tp find what works for you. It might take days or weeks to find what you think is a credible response. Just keep trying. But you need to find pushback that you believe in. Look around in the literature, not for answers, but for ideas that may make sense to you.
And this. Don’t be disturbed if the old thoughts keep coming. The point isn’t to turn them off or try to turn negatives to positives. All you need to do is fight the negatives to a draw when they come around. Sooner or later we all get around to some positive thinking. If we neutralize the negatives we are left with net positives.
You don’t say how long you’ve been at this or how much you’ve lost. I thought weight loss was going to be the death of fun. But what I found was liberation. You seem to be pretty far ahead of where I was when I started as you are already into hiking and biking. I was struggling to walk more than 2 blocks. Maybe you need to try some new activities or some non food rewards.
My favorite was new clothes. Hard to believe.
Maybe try this exercise to work on the aspects of the program you don’t like. Take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle and make two lists- why you want to lose weight one side, why you don’t on the other. Spend some time on it to ry to get everything down. If something seems too silly put it down anyway. Now look at the lists and see if there are any compromises you can make to satisfy both sides. Avoid the temptation to try to run over your own objections. Both sides can find ways to get some of what they want.
And know this- you will get results. Calorie counting works. It has to work it’s how our bodies are designed. It’s science. We are built to store excess calories to see us through hard times. In the modern world hard times never come for a lot of us. It’s a good problem to have. We just need to learn to live within some reasonable limits. You can do this. Good luck.
WOW - lots of great info and encouragement, thank you. Funny thing is I am generally a positive and grateful person in most aspects of my life, except weight loss. This has been a very long time struggle for me, at least 25 years of the rollercoaster up and down. I can do it temporarily but I struggle to make it stick for good. I don't jump in all gung ho anymore because I know it's not sustainable, slow and steady works for me. Counting calories and exercise works when I put in the effort, sometimes the effort is overwhelming though.
2 -
I find that reaching out on this forum and being active helps me. It is a journey and not every day will be easy but i believe it’s important to celebrate the small victories (even a half pound loss is a loss and should be counted as a win) as you look back at what you have accomplished you will see how those small victories become larger wins. Try to take it one day, one meal, one decision at a time. You deserve this for yourself1
-
So much to like in @88olds response, but I particularly liked:Don’t be disturbed if the old thoughts keep coming. The point isn’t to turn them off or try to turn negatives to positives. All you need to do is fight the negatives to a draw when they come around. Sooner or later we all get around to some positive thinking.
A helpful idea in any circumstance - not just related to weight loss. I am reassured that “just enough” (fighting the negatives to a draw) can also be “good enough”.
0 -
There is no road ahead. There is only today. I do not need to lose x number of pounds. I need to lose the fraction of a pound I am capable of losing today. It is a fairly small thing to accomplish and one of many things on my to do list today.
This is how I have lived the last 2.5 years. I do not make herculean plans to lose weight. I do it as simply and easily as I can because I only have a fraction to lose. I want things to feel normal and I want to be as happy as possible today. That is my goal. Not wherever this leads. I can't do anything about that until it arrives. Living life happy and normal requires very little additional motivation.
For me all of those fractions have added up to some serious and life changing weight. If you need to lose 60 to 70 pounds it means my total loss exceeds your entire starting weight plus some. I am down to vanity pounds now.
One day at a time. If I do what I am supposed to today tomorrow's me will get a slightly lighter and more fit body to work with. If I mess up then I trust tomorrow's me will do better... he usually does.4 -
The brain can sabotage you like nothing else can. The brain can hold a person back from reaching short term or long term goals. It has its own kind of muscle memory but on the other hand it is an amazing piece of equipment. You can use your brain like a tool but you're going to have to harness it like a horse or a stubborn mule.
Ever spend much time around a mule. They're really smart. If you don't learn how to bond with a mule he won't have anything to do with you. You have to curry that mule and treat him right. Spend time with him and become friends. Your brain is like that, too. Make friends with it and then engage it in every step of the process.
Keep the mule focused. Be consistent.
If you don't become friends with the mule, he will lay down right in the middle of the trail and walk off. He'll head on home without you. Once you've messed with a mule and rubbed him the wrong way, he won't forget it. You won't ever be able to get back on him again. He's done with you for good and if he doesn't like you... might even bite you really hard. Mules have amazing memories and they're a good judge of character. They know how to weed out the chaff from the wheat.
Make friends with your brain. You can steer it any direction you want to, it just takes practice and consistency.1 -
I know losing weight will benefit my health and I'll feel stronger, get to wear cuter clothes, gain confidence, be happier, but every time I try to recommit my negative thoughts take over. Swirling thoughts in my head about being hungry all the time and not being able to have fun, everything has to be so planned out, it takes so long, I can't be spontaneous, the list goes on but you get the drift, I'm torturing myself.
Perhaps the issue is your approach? Half a lb per week is a small deficit, it shouldn't make you hungry, unless you are choosing foods that don't satiate you (but you can work on that). Or are you perhaps not eating back exercise calories? And why not able to have fun? Are all your fun activities linked to food? What to you need to plan out and why does it take so long ?
I've lost over 50lbs, at a slower weight loss rate just like you. But I haven't really had the issues you are torturing yourself over. So maybe you can change your approach so that these downsides are tempered? (I will say that my lifestyle is perhaps very different from yours, which would also explain my different experience)
I do eat my exercise calories but I am a very picky eater with a giant appetite so I realize that's a hindrance. We enjoy going on weekend adventures and being spontaneous, we are on the go and part of the fun is seeing new places and grabbing some food out, and I am not a fan of salads. I love baking sweets but can't really do that when I'm dieting since I have very little control. I feel like like some of my enjoyment gets squashed.
Perhaps it won't work for you (because in one sense it's more work, not less), but it helped me to game-ify some of the perceived obstacles - to turn obstacles into entertaining challenges, fun science fair experiments and that sort of thing.
For example, it was kind of fun figuring out what to eat in restaurants that I would truly enjoy, but that would be more calorie and nutrient efficient. (But sometimes, I also fit in the enjoyable but not as calorie/nutrient efficient choice, and figured out how to make it work, in a long-term balance sense - for example, I calorie bank a bit most days, to have some extra calories to spend on indulgent things less frequently).
If you are a cook/baker, can you figure out how to turn "baking sweets" as a hobby into instead focusing on cooking up delicious, nutritious, filling sides and mains? Or develop a repertoire of calorie-efficient baked goods that are more nutrient dense but still delicious?
Resentment is kind of poisonous - focusing on what one can't do, isn't good at, doesn't like . . . as you're seeing. Is there a way to reframe or refocus? For me, it helps to treat this change of habits as a game that I can win, or an experiment that will lead to an "aha" solution.
As always, YMMV.
Best wishes!2 -
some great advice, thank you. I need to get my head in the game and keep it there.3
-
https://www.precisionnutrition.com/instant-gratification
'Come up with alternative activities to distract yourself.
People who focused on abstract ideals of things also had trouble. This would be like focusing on an abstract “I want a better body” versus focusing on the actual physical sensation of slipping into a treasured pair of pants.
Focusing on the concrete, tangible, perceivable qualities of the better reward enabled individuals to delay gratification — and ultimately be successful."
See and feel yourself fitting into your favorite clothes. It's works. Find distractions you like. I use music to Flip the Switch.
0 -
@Diatonic12 / I completely agree with you and struggle with that. I think about why I am on this weight loss journey and I say "I want to feel better", "I want to fit into clothes". These all seem so abstract and hard to hold onto. I am thankfully not sick due to my weight, I have clothes to wear so how do I really counteract the thoughts of instant gratification of the junk in front of me now? I really struggle with the abstract. I did buy a new pair of jeans that are 1 size smaller than I am now so I can have something to know I am working to get into but still not sure that is enough.
Any and all positive thoughts and recommendations are welcome.1 -
@KMC55 'Tis the season for yoga pants and leggings. I see myself slipping them on and looking as good as my mother does.
I'm not kidding you. She has young bucks following her around from the rear view. 0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.5K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 391 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 925 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions