Don't Give Up- My Story

7rainbow

*possible trigger warning*
I've seen a lot of posts on here these days about people struggling with depression and having a hard time, and although it's not a weight loss success story I figured maybe it would make people feel a bit better.
My childhood was filled mostly with happiness. I was bullied horribly in grade 4, and then in grade 5, but most years things were great, or at least okay. Junior high came and of course so did all the drama of that. I developed an eating disorder and threw out my lunch everyday. I hated myself with a passion. I thought of killing myself everyday. I was horrifically depressed, and begun self harming. I left my diary out one day, which said all of this, and my parents read it. The told me it was "probably just my period (which hadn't started)" but sent me to a therapist in case. I got better over the next year and by grade 10 life was good again. Grade 11 was a little depressing, then grade 12 came and I was still depressed and begun counting calories on MFP to lose weight for grad (I was 110 lbs, 5'6 at the time, so I didn't need to lose any). This got worse in first year uni, and things took a turn for the worst before my 2nd year in university. I felt more hopeless than ever. I didn't have the will to go on, I hated my faculty and how I was up 4 lbs. I tried to kill myself at school, but a student pulled me up when I was found hanging in a stairwell. I told my parents and was taken to the hospital. I was then placed in a mental institution for 22 days where I was treated badly (told people were dying in Africa and that I shouldn't be depressed, that I should feel horrible for my actions, plus I was woken up every hour routinely in the night, etc). I developed PTSD from my attempt and fell down to 103 lbs. But do you know what? I changed my faculty. Took a semester off. Found something I was passionate about. I started yoga and ended up loving it. I got on meds, saw many therapists until I got one that worked for me, gained weight, and honestly had the happiest year of my life. I've been down with covid again lately, but I'm not giving up. My point is, I know how life can suck. As someone who was depressed since they were 12 (I'm 21 now) I didn't think anything could get better. It was all I could remember. But things can change, and they will change. Fuel your body with good food, get help, talk to people, find a passion, take a break... Life seems like a giant stressful world full of bills and deadlines and worries but it that isn't it's point. When I sat in the hospital the world stood still. And I realized that everything I stressed about, that assignment, my weight, my life... It could be put on hold. It could wait for me. And that I needed to come first for once. I realize this is literally the longest post ever, but in short: things will get better, believe in yourself. Sending love and hugs!

snowflake954

I like your post and am glad that you've found your way. I'd suggest printing it out to read now and again as time goes on because when life gets rough it'll help you get back on track remembering all you've gone through. Congratulations and the very best for your future.

rachempoo

Thanks for sharing your story. Congratulations on finding what worked for you and believing in yourself!

TiredMom2021

I am so sorry for what you've experienced - and so glad you have found a healthy path now! I think it was very brave and encouraging of you to share your journey. Thank you.

solieco1

You helped people today
Sounds so patronizing to say I feel pride for you but I do, Well done!!