Pressure & Patriarchy

EarthyEm

Hi,

I'm losing weight for my health. My motivation is different from someone who is driven by strictly appearance, and even deeper, the idea that worth is connected to being thin. But, internally, I'm wrestling a little bit about my weight loss because a person close to me is judgy about weight and I don't want her putting her presuppositions onto me.

goal06082021

It's so hard to disentangle your decision to improve your health from the patriarchal idea that thin = beautiful and fat is the worst thing a woman can be. If it's at all possible, put this person on an information diet wrt your health - it's not actually her business, anyway, unless this person is literally your actual medical doctor (in which case, get a new doctor). If it's the kind of thing where she sees you often enough to notice and comment on your body (rude), make it as boring as possible for her. Yes/no/single-word answers, don't elaborate, change the subject. Leave the conversation, if possible. My MIL also has crap opinions about bodies and weight - she's never addressed *me* and *my* body directly but I've never given her an opening; I don't discuss my calorie counting with her, I don't discuss my exercise regimen with her, and I don't respond when she starts spouting off her BS about her own/other people's bodies, but it's hard.

Lietchi

My own weight loss is for a mix of reasons, none of which are anyone else's business (generally speaking anyway).
I've found that people will always have preconceived ideas about weight and weight loss.
When fat, people presumed (incorrectly) that I was unhealthy and ate unhealthily. Having lost weight, people now presume I've eliminated sugar or pasta or other 'bad foods' from my diet. Or that I've stopped drinking alcohol because of my weight loss (I never drunk a lot of alcohol, even before weight loss). And who knows what other preconceptions I don't even know about.
I would just steer clear of the subject and tell her "I do me and you do you" if she brings up the subject in a way you don't appreciate. No need to justify yourself, unless you actually want to

EarthyEm

Thank you @Lietchi and @goal06082021 ! Your thoughtful and practical responses are appreciated. ❤️ Wishing you joy in this experience!