I JUST have to rant
tjthegreatone
Posts: 324
Arrggghhhh!!!
Siblings (and mothers).
Never thought I'd be ranting about 'personal' problems on this forum, but hear me out.
My sister is getting married in just over a month.
About three months ago without checking with me or getting my consent she decided that she had found the 'perfect' bridesmaids dresses for my younger sister and me. She ordered the dresses in my younger sister's size without checking with me or asking if I was okay with the size.
I was pretty busy at work at the time and when she invited me for the fitting I could not go. Nevertheless I was surprised when her next text was 'I've ordered the dresses, you owe me £125'. Now I've never spent that much on a dress and when I saw the photos I was dubious (not my style) - but hey ho, it's my sister's wedding, it's my duty to wear what she wants.
I haven't been able to try on the dress for a number of months but I finally got to try on the dress yesterday. I can't zip it up past my mid torso. To add insult to injury I look at the tag and it says 2XS!!! On what planet do you expect a 5'9 woman to fit into an XS dress unless she's a supermodel? (I'm sure there's some vanity sizing going on anyway).
Now I am seething and irate. I REFUSE to diet to fit into a dress for someone else's wedding.
Argh.
Siblings (and mothers).
Never thought I'd be ranting about 'personal' problems on this forum, but hear me out.
My sister is getting married in just over a month.
About three months ago without checking with me or getting my consent she decided that she had found the 'perfect' bridesmaids dresses for my younger sister and me. She ordered the dresses in my younger sister's size without checking with me or asking if I was okay with the size.
I was pretty busy at work at the time and when she invited me for the fitting I could not go. Nevertheless I was surprised when her next text was 'I've ordered the dresses, you owe me £125'. Now I've never spent that much on a dress and when I saw the photos I was dubious (not my style) - but hey ho, it's my sister's wedding, it's my duty to wear what she wants.
I haven't been able to try on the dress for a number of months but I finally got to try on the dress yesterday. I can't zip it up past my mid torso. To add insult to injury I look at the tag and it says 2XS!!! On what planet do you expect a 5'9 woman to fit into an XS dress unless she's a supermodel? (I'm sure there's some vanity sizing going on anyway).
Now I am seething and irate. I REFUSE to diet to fit into a dress for someone else's wedding.
Argh.
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Replies
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I'm trying to think of something to say without being rude. It's hard. I, too, would be fuming. I'm not really sure what you could do , perhaps take it to a tailor and see what sort of ideas they'd have?0
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I'm sure the dress must have come from a reputable bridal salon, considering the price. Just ask them to exchange the dress for one that fits. If they can't do it, just tell your sister that the dress doesn't fit and she will either have to find another dress for you or allow you to select your own wedding attire.
Taking the chance of trying to diet into a too small article of clothing is crazy! You'll end up wearing whatever you happen to have in your closet.
Oh, and the modern brides maids dress is an utter and complete waste of money. Thanks to social media, even if you could reasonably wear it again, everyone will know you are recycling a brides maid dress. :noway:0 -
I'd say to my sister, "You ordered the wrong size by accident" or "the company must've messed up the size, surely you didn't really order an XS for me?!" Make her fix it, and if that means she has to eat $125 then that's a valuable lesson learned. She can't let you go naked, and surely she wouldn't expect you to pay double for her mistake. I would think the store would exchange it. Out of curiosity, did she get your younger sisters size right?0
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Well this is what makes me annoyed.
If she'd ordered a larger size it could be re-fitted. I'm not sure how they can possibly adjust it without any extra material. Part of the problem is that the cut of the dress does not flatter my figure - the bust area is too large and the chest is too narrow.
More importantly it's MY cash wasted on a dress that I don't even like and I'm not even allowed to speak to her because I'll upset her (yeah I will, I'm still fuming...) My younger sister will take it back to the saloon to see if they'll exchange it (it is a bridal boutique).
It doesn't help that she and her fiance are obsessed with having the perfect wedding and having every detail fit. If I say I'll wear what I want (I've got other nice dresses after all) all I'll get is a load of crying and emotional blackmail and aint nobody got time for that.0 -
Wow , just Wow .
Amy0 -
Wow.. I would never pay for a dress that wasn't something I specifically wanted. If it's for THEIR wedding and they require it, they should pay for it in my opinion..
And about the size, wow. Hopefully they'll exchange that for you.. if not get your money back! She'll just have to suck it up. Her mistake.0 -
I'd say to my sister, "You ordered the wrong size by accident" or "the company must've messed up the size, surely you didn't really order an XS for me?!" Make her fix it, and if that means she has to eat $125 then that's a valuable lesson learned. She can't let you go naked, and surely she wouldn't expect you to pay double for her mistake. I would think the store would exchange it. Out of curiosity, did she get your younger sisters size right?
At today's conversion rate that dress is closer to $175!!! In some respects my mother is right. I'm too irate to have a civilized conversation which is why I'm ranting on here :laugh:
My younger sister fits into the dress. She is very slim, an hourglass and 2 inches shorter than me.
Maybe I'm just jealous (of the li'l sis). Or maybe I think the older sis is jealous. Who knows. She's been on a semi-starvation diet for months to fit into her wedding dress and keeps making semi-envious comments about how 'skinny' I am. Which by the way I am not.0 -
It's your sisters wedding... Get the right size and wear the damn dress!0
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Consumer rights, you should be able to exchange it.
I'd just keep your head down and do what your sister wants. It'll save a lot of stress by the sounds of it.0 -
Who does that?! And why oh why is it suddenly ok to make bridesmaids fork out for dresses theyre never gunna wear again? ..sorry, but you sister is a jerk for doing that.
Once again glad I only have sister in laws.
Make her take it back and change it. Does she want the dress in the wedding, or does she want you?0 -
No way you should pay for the dress whether it fits or not! None of my bridesmaids paid for their dresses! Oh and they all got the right size too! Two of them liked them so much they did wear them again too! Stick to your guns, you can't wear a dress that doesn't fit!0
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Shame you couldn't make it to the fitting, a lot of this could then have been avoided.
As others have said, I'm sure you could exchange the dress for a size that fits.
The style of the dress is a tricky area.
If your sister was paying for it then she could be as fussy as she liked but as she expects you to pay for it yourself then maybe she could allow a little leeway, maybe giving you a colour and letting you choose the style.
Such a fuss is made of (some) weddings, all brides aspire to the 'perfect day' and can turn into divas during the process.
She'll still be your sister afterwards so try and bite your tongue and don't have a major falling out.
It's an excellent idea to vent a bit!
Good luck with it all and I hope you all have a lovely day.0 -
Wow.
I'm just amazed you're expected to PAY for the dress?????
It's her wedding, so it's their responsibility to make sure the bridesmaids have dresses and the groom's men have suits.
With hindsight it might have been wise, when you knew you couldn't make the fitting, to send her your measurements though. :ohwell:0 -
Surely she knows you're not that size?? What's so hard about asking you what size you wear? If she wants the perfect wedding I'd have thought she'd make sure she got the bridesmaid dresses right. Hopefully the shop will exchange it for the right size, you shouldn't lose huge amounts of weight just for a dress someone else wants you to wear xx0
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Thanks for all the advice and reassurance guys! Feeling less ranty already
She has a history of making impulsive decisions like this.
I would have given her my measurements if she had waited to ask. One day she asks me to come to a fitting - I reply that I am too busy to come that weekend, perhaps another? The next day she's gushing about the perfect dress and how she'd ordered because she didn't want to miss it. It's the combination of stupidity and lack of respect that get me.
In retrospect I agree that I should have insisted on not paying, after all it's her wedding. However, I just get endless amounts of emotional blackmail (mainly from my mother). Trying to apply logic and reason with family is impossible. I figured I'd just shut up and cough up.
Well I'll stop ranting and see if we can get it exchanged. If not I'm just going to pretend that the whole fiasco has nothing to do with me...0 -
there are lessons here aren't there, maybe you should have found time to go for a fitting?
but; I'm a big objector of people spending other people's money without asking first, I'd be needing to clear that one up!!0 -
My sisters (and my mother) were/are all snide, thoughtless and unkind. Haven't spoken to any of them in years! Life is SO much better, now. :-D
Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. xx0 -
This is why I let my sister and sister in law pick their own dress style. I would never make someone wear something they didn't feel comfortable in! All I did was choose the colour and pay!
Some people need to try to remember what a wedding is actually about, and it's not every tiny detail being 'perfect'!0 -
there are lessons here aren't there, maybe you should have found time to go for a fitting?
I disagree. The OP made clear that her reason for not going were work pressures, rather than being out shopping or having her nails done. Should she be expected to put her job at risk because primadonna sister can't wait for 24 hours to make a decision on a dress? I don't think so. Life doesn't stop because someone is getting married, whether they think so or not.0 -
Are you sure you aren't a bit resentful towards your sister for some reason?
What were you doing to where you couldn't make the fitting?
Why did you wait so long to try the dress on?0 -
THis is pretty much par for the course when it comes to bridesmaids, weddings, etc. sometimes you luck out and the bride says "wear what you want" or "wear what you want as long as it's in the wedding colors", and sometimes you end up with an ugly dress in tangerine or purple and you know you will never wear it again.Well this is what makes me annoyed.
If she'd ordered a larger size it could be re-fitted. I'm not sure how they can possibly adjust it without any extra material. Part of the problem is that the cut of the dress does not flatter my figure - the bust area is too large and the chest is too narrow.
More importantly it's MY cash wasted on a dress that I don't even like and I'm not even allowed to speak to her because I'll upset her (yeah I will, I'm still fuming...) My younger sister will take it back to the saloon to see if they'll exchange it (it is a bridal boutique).
It doesn't help that she and her fiance are obsessed with having the perfect wedding and having every detail fit. If I say I'll wear what I want (I've got other nice dresses after all) all I'll get is a load of crying and emotional blackmail and aint nobody got time for that.
you agreed to be the bridesmaid.
you didn't show up for the fitting
you waited "several months" to try on the dress.
so - hopefully the salon will be able to exchange.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sad like "Being pressured and guilt tripped into doing things with people you dont like because you happen to have the same parents is sad." Or sad like "Grown women throwing temper tantrums is sad."0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sad like "Being pressured and guilt tripped into doing things with people you dont like because you happen to have the same parents is sad." Or sad like "Grown women throwing temper tantrums is sad."
Sad you can't be friends with your own sister. I'd kill to have one. I believe in family although I guess I don't have any problems in mine so what the f do I know.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sometimes it is like this. Coming from a nice family, I used to think that having bad relations means people weren't putting any effort into it. But after having gotten to know my boyfriends family (4 years now), I concur. His mother is a horrible person and cutting off contact with her (14 months and counting) was the best decision. It becomes a physical ordeal to deal with her on a regular basis.
My sympathies for everyone who has to resort to these measures.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sometimes it is like this. Coming from a nice family, I used to think that having bad relations means people weren't putting any effort into it. But after having gotten to know my boyfriends family (4 years now), I concur. His mother is a horrible person and cutting off contact with her (14 months and counting) was the best decision. It becomes a physical ordeal to deal with her on a regular basis.
My sympathies for everyone who has to resort to these measures.
Yes must be hard to do and so hard to go through. Horrible.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sad like "Being pressured and guilt tripped into doing things with people you dont like because you happen to have the same parents is sad." Or sad like "Grown women throwing temper tantrums is sad."
Sad you can't be friends with your own sister. I'd kill to have one. I believe in family although I guess I don't have any problems in mine so what the f do I know.
Sadly sharing DNA doesn't make intolerable people tolerable or make personalities that don't mesh suddenly mesh. I moved from the east coast to Hawaii and one of the best parts of that is the distance between my sister and I.
But hey, I've got four sisters. You can have the one that's getting hitched if you want.0 -
I think asking bridesmaids to pay for their dress or anything is rude!.
Its your wedding if you want them there, want matching dress hair make up shoes etc you should pay.
It shouldn't be up to them as your guest to pay for a dress they may hate and never wear again.
Your sister should have asked you to make a time and have a fitting that you could go to. Its about getting the right size and making sure everyone is comfortable and looks good. Because you will all be in the pics.
You deserve an apology and she should exchange it for your proper size or something that flatters you too.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sad like "Being pressured and guilt tripped into doing things with people you dont like because you happen to have the same parents is sad." Or sad like "Grown women throwing temper tantrums is sad."
Sad you can't be friends with your own sister. I'd kill to have one. I believe in family although I guess I don't have any problems in mine so what the f do I know.
Sadly sharing DNA doesn't make intolerable people tolerable or make personalities that don't mesh suddenly mesh. I moved from the east coast to Hawaii and one of the best parts of that is the distance between my sister and I.
But hey, I've got four sisters. You can have the one that's getting hitched if you want.
Pass!0
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