Reaching for food as emotional comfort

karylwest

Food can provide a temporary comfort. As I've aged, I've realized that I reach for it far too often and have been struggling to come up with why I do so. I live a comfortable life, have my own home, a good job that allows me the safety of working from home for as long as I wish to, enough income to more than pay the bills and then some. I woke this morning from a bad dream in which my own mother had placed me in a nursing home and never once visited me. After having this dream, I started remembering how often she ignored me, or criticized me for either my appearance or abilities. I recalled how I was stuck in the hospital for 2 months as a teenager due to a brain tumor at age 16 and she never visited. I recall how when my dad was dying of cancer that she told me he had tearfully told her how disappointed he was with me. And now, this morning, I'm just coping with all this sadness and feelings of rejection, and just working through them without reaching for something sweet to comfort me. I wonder how many of us just stuff our faces to feel that little glimmer of acceptance that foods give us. I mean, food doesn't reject you, you reject it. So....in that aspect, you can have a bit of control over feeling accepted. I don't know. Probably should speak with a therapist at some point to find a sense of self after years of stuffing these feelings down and pretending that my mother loves me dearly. If any of this chimes within your own experiences, then I want to tell you something that you need to hear: You ARE enough. In fact, you are AMAZING!
Peace and love to you all. Love yourself and be of good support to your body, spirit, and mind.

JohnBarth

It sounds like you've encountered quite an ordeal that no one should have to face. Your attitude, however, is spot on. Good luck and keep up the good work!

Poobah1972

I am enough! Thank you for that.

Your post reminded me a lot of myself. My mom was young, torn from a family of 9 when she got pregnant with me when she was 16. My dad was a drunk for most of his young adult life, totaled 3 cars during my early childhood. For reasons "Iife", my mom became very cold emotionally. I vividly remember her having a mental breakdown blaming me and my 2 younger brothers for ruining her career as a chemist. (she was literally 100% in all classes until she become pregnant and dropped out in grade 11). Neither her or my dad ever attended a single school event. I took art classes with adults at the ages of 9 and 10 at college. I had a fairly large portfolio of work, that my dad one day through out in it's entirely cause I left it on the counter. I never drew again after that day. Later my dad through out my entire hard book collection cause I made a pyramid in my room with them.

Later in High Sschool (grade 11), I had a writing assignment due in the afternoon. Monday morning first period I roughed out the 3000 word story on paper. I typed the entire thing in second period typing. And I handed it that afternoon. Sure enough a few days later, we walk into our English ENS class and got seasted. The teach then read my story to the entire class. Literally every single Teenage kid in the room was balling in emotional tears, the ladies had crushes on me instantly. I scored a perfect 30 / 30. I brought it home to my mom, cause I thought she might be proud of me. Unfortunately, instead she said with a half grimaced face "What's so good about this?"

Both my parents were big eaters and snackers... I'm still trying to convince myself I'm good enough.

All that said, My mom was super intelligent and she enjoyed talking to me about anything (deep things), but she was depressed stayed in her room and wasn't emotionally there for me... My dad quit drinking fairly early on, but remained a huge kid at heart. He was the youngest of 9 siblings, and the runt of the litter. He was prone to tantrums and saying the stupidest things and well doing stupid things. However everytime he did, it wasn't long before he showed up in my room in tears of his own apologizing for his behavior and you just knew he meant it. Where as my Mother never apologized for anything her entire life.

But they made me who I am. I'm known for my honesty, fairness and big heart... While I'm smart like my Mother was, and thankfully smart enough to realize that they were young and trying to deal with life, just like I am today. Nobody did this to me on purpose, it was never their intention, it was never personal.

To understand and actually make that understanding part of your ID and Ego is the hard part...

chikadeedoo

You are not alone with the sadness and the challenges in your days. Remember this!

It's not only food that can comfort us. I used to find it hard to reach out to others and share the sadness that consumed me. But throughout the years, for some reason, I realized my sadness has become more "ordinary" and bearable after I let others know how I felt.

I still struggle with food once in a while, but we don't have to be perfect:) Just do whatever you can one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes and try not to criticize yourself if you think you "failed".

kenyonhaff

Food is tied up with all sorts of emotions. And it's hard to reach for a salad when you really want Mom's macaroni and cheese with the crusty breadcrumbs.

What I recommend is reaching for a hot beverage when needing some warmth in your tummy. A nice cup of tea or coffee is much more diet friendly and a warm tummy is a comforted tummy.