Binge eating recovery | explaining to my spouse

getfitwith_aish

Hey team! I weight 130 pounds. I’m 5”5’. A lot of people would say I look normal but personally I feel confident at 123 and 22 percent body fat (currently at 25 percent). I suffer from binge eating and my body composition changes and adjusts to my food habits meaning I have phases. I eat right and workout and treat myself once I a while I reach my target weight and fat goal. I binge and binge and binge and I know my body adds 10 pounds . This happens let’s say over a period of 8-10 months. Entire 2020 was hard and I definitely did binge . Now I’m back to work on my habits and building a lifestyle. Anytime I feel like overeating - I tell myself “do I really want this? Do I feel good after eating this? How much do I actually want to eat”. I process so much before actually snacking because I know I can get uncontrollable. Eg) if I want a protein bar (in the past I’ve binged 4-5 everyday) I’d tell myself I’ll eat one every Friday . That way I won’t binge eat because I’ve trained my mind to eat only one every Friday. I feel that works for me. I don’t know how many of you can relate to this mind game. But this totally works for me and if you understand this feeling we could probably be best friends . anyway, recently we got (me and my husband) got a pack for protein bars. We hike every weekend and he is a super disciplined logical guy who only eats protein bars during a hike. I told him we will pick a big box only if he agrees to let me eat one every Friday that way I can keep myself under control otherwise it’s highly likely I’ll binge everyday and finish the box without even him knowing . He agreed. Today I said hey it’s Friday I need a bar I’m gonna pick one. He was like it’s okay we are going to hike tomorrow. You can eat tomorrow. I tried to explain my situation but as there is emotional reasons he didn’t seem to understand and kept saying I can control or I can wait till tomorrow. I really was disappointed and silently came to other other room. I didn’t want to get dramatic but I just wanted him to feel how I feel about food. I’m typing it here so I don’t binge on snacks at home as I’m really working on building my muscles and my lifestyle I don’t want to ruin it over a small discussion.

Can someone relate to this? How do I explain my husband my situation or am I over reacting?

Please help!

goal06082021

I don't think your husband needs to understand your system, he just needs to believe you when you tell him what you need. You're a grown adult woman, you can be trusted to know how your body behaves and what works for you.

Well done for redirecting your energy in a more constructive way tonight. Maybe next Friday you just grab your protein bar and enjoy it and to hell with your husband's opinions about it, because again, you're an entire grown adult and can decide when and what you eat.

Bex953172

Okay I don't have what you have so I won't pretend to understand.
I don't think you're over reacting but maybe just calmy re-explain to your husband.

I do get it, the training your mind thing and I think you having that level of control that works for you is brilliant. You seem very aware of your condition and triggers too which is really good

But maybe because you've said "Only let me have one on a Friday" to your husband he's took that literally to respect your decision
So when he knows you're going on a hike the next day, he's probably thinking "we'll then that's two this week and she's told me only let her have one"

So I don't think that he's tried to upset you intentionally, maybe he thought he was helping. But maybe just have another talk with him, you might find that you have to talk things through a few times.

So maybe it could be, one every Friday, and also when we hike.

snowflake954

It sounds like there's no elasticity here, but that's another topic. As for the protein bars--where is the box? Does your husband control the box? Did he hide it? If not, take a couple out and next Friday eat one like you want to without having to ask permission. Our buy a couple for yourself if he's hidden the box or has a padlock on it. I've been married 36 yrs and I would never put myself in your position.

PS: Bing eating can be kept under iron control for a while, then all____breaks loose. If I were you, I'd see a professional for a better coping strategy.

MaltedTea

While I veer away from ED topics, I agree with the primary comments here and am trying to understand your process as well @getfitwith_aish.

May I also fence sit a bit by assuming your DH is trying to contribute to your health the best way he knows how? You're married so I'm also assuming a holistically healthy relationship. As such, he may be using a self-control/self-efficacy game that he'd try if he were in your situation.

But he is not you 😉

I could go on but would be better if a guy could chime in on this thread too, at some point.

In the meantime, your ability to not only channel your short-term frustration but also ask reflective questions is good.

Hopefully, you'll also find a more sustainable solution for the two of you. It seems both of you are willing to explore options which is a big positive 🤗