I'm not getting anywhere, think I have a problem with binging

n_green_l

I'm female, 5'6 and keep going between 159-162lbs and I'm currently 162 at the moment.

I desperately want to get this weight off and get to 147-150lb but I can't get below 159.

I try 1200 calories to get it off quickly, weigh everything etc but end up binging and going back to square one and this has been the same thing for a year now. I try 1500 and I still binge at weekends. I keep going between restrict and binge and can't do this steadily. Since lockdown I have found it difficult to keep to a deficit and I think I have a problem with binging at the weekends as I can't stop myself. I had covid but now nearly recovered so started walking 10k steps again recently like I did before and want to start exercising again, I used to run and do aerobics.

What can I do? How many calories would be best for me to lose and how do I change my mindset and not binge? I feel so bad in myself.

ahoy_m8

You have astutely noted that there are two aspects -- physical and mental. The physical aspect is the easier to master. How do you know how many calories? MFP set-up is a good place to start. Depending on your non-exercise activity and other personal details, you could probably lose 0.5lb/week at 1750 calories/day. The whole process is so, so much easier if you take the time to dial in an appropriate rate of loss and calorie goal at the start. The fastest way to fail is setting a goal that is too aggressive and undereating. It's not just you. We are all liable to binge if we under-eat for any period of time.

What do you think about setting your goal to "maintain" while you work through the mental aspects? This will take the physical element off the table while you observe what is really going on mentally. If you can nourish yourself somewhat consistently without binges at this intake level for a week or two, then you will have confidence going forward that you can do so in an appropriate deficit. If you struggle to manage eating behaviors at maintenance, then you will have more information to equip you in addressing that challenge.

ETA: You indicate you have been struggling with a "fast loss" goal for a year. If instead you had adopted a 0.5lb/week plan, you would have lost 26 lb by now. Sometimes slow and steady wins the race. Best to you, OP!

cupcakesandproteinshakes

People have different definitions of binge eating. If you are really worried about this taking over your life then I’d listen to the brain over binge podcast.
If you truly are a binge eater as opposed to someone who eats too much food occasionally then the most important thing is to treat the binge restrict cycles. This means weight loss has to be paused at least for now. Stopping bingeing is the most important thing and long term is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I felt I was heading down the binge restrict path a bit myself. I stopped restricting calories and urges to binge stopped. Simple concept but hard to do

AnnPT77

I support what those above have said. I'd like to add the flip side of cupcakesandproteinshakes' post. Mine may or may not apply.

If by "binge" you mean it in the sense of eating completely uncontrollably, consuming any foods that come to hand whether you like or want them or feel hungry or overfull, totally unable to stop, with waves of guilt or shame in the picture, then she's 100% correct. She's correct even if it's remotely close to that.

If, instead, you mean being in the habit of eating too many tempting, tasty things off and on over the weekend, so that you end up way over goal, and having trouble changing those habits . . . that's different.

If that latter, there are a few things I might suggest:

* Go for an overall slow loss, as recommended above, half a pound a week . . . on average.

* Consider "calorie banking". During the week, eat a bit under your calorie goal (not lots, maybe 100-200 calories, tops). On the weekend, spend those calories on weekend treats. Look at your weekly average calorie intake, and *average* your goal calories over the total week.

* Consider whether there is some unacknowledged issue that's blocking you from truly wanting to reach the weight goal. This is not an issue for everyone, but it's a possibility. As just one example, some people have been thinking that reaching goal weight will be life changing in itself, but as the weight gets close, the realization begins to dawn that being at goal weight doesn't fix everything, so sabotaging goal weight becomes a way to avoid facing that. That's just one possibility, of many.

* Make a serious examination of your weekend habits.

To do that last, consider things like this:

* Are you bored? Take up a new hobby, or resume an old one. (Bonus points if it requires clean hands, like sketching, playing a musical instrument, needlework . . .; or creates dirty ones, like painting, carpentry, gardening . . . .).

* Schedule the exercise you say you want to do into your weekend routine. Make it non-negotiable, in your own brain, just something you *will* do, regular as tooth-brushing. Work on a couch to 5k (C25K) program for your running, find some aerobics videos you like. That will take up some of the weekend time, help you improve health/fitness, *and* give you a few extra calories to eat on the weekend, on top of whatever you "banked" during the week. Some people find that a fitness program helps them focus on good nutrition and sensible calories, because they have goals and want to feel better and achieve more on that front.

* Are there triggers for your weekend consumption, like activities during which you usually snack (like binge-watching TV), social situations (getting together with a partner or friends and bonding over food/drinks), feeling like you deserve a reward after a tough week, etc.? Think of different ways you could behave in those situations, things that would be realistic for you, that you could do instead of eat. Maybe you could work on a jigsaw puzzle while watching Netflix, instead of snacking. Maybe you could enjoy a hot herb tea or a zero/low calorie infused water instead of high-calorie snacks. Maybe you could suggest to your friends that you go for a walk at the park instead of just snacking. If it's feeling that you deserve a reward, think about other possible rewards, like maybe a warm indulgent aromatherapy bubblebath, or a manicure. Come up with one new idea for each weekend, vividly rehearse it in your head in advance, then put it into play that next weekend. If it worked, keep it. If it didn't, try something else. Keep chipping away at it.

* Plan ahead. If there are times when you're going to want to snack, have some things on hand, ready to eat, that are less calorie-dense, perhaps more filling/nutritious, but still things you enjoy eating. (Common suggestions are popcorn, baby carrots, other crunchy veggies, hard boiled eggs, etc.) Avoid stocking things you want to eat less of, and keep any you do buy tucked away in a dark, high cupboard, with preferred choices easier to hand. Prep or pre-portion snacks, give yourself a budget ("I can eat one individual bag of tortilla chips each day", etc.). Maybe prelog. Don't eat out of multi-serving bags or dishes. If you're going to have chips, put one portion in a bowl in the kitchen, take them back to the TV, don't take the whole bag. Make yourself decide whether you need more, and then truly *think* about it each time. It's not "bad" to have more, but it's always a *choice*, a choice about balancing immediate pleasure against longer-term goals.

* Undesired habits are usually easier to drop if we adopt new, more preferable habits instead. Don't simply try to do the Netflix binge-watch and white-knuckle through it. Either don't do the binge watch (maybe alternate episodes with exercise breaks? do something else, like take a walk, instead of screen time?), or do some other thing alongside instead of snacking, like the jigsaw or some knitting. Replacement habits.

In general, un-"can't" yourself. Create a little cognitive space for the possibility of change. It's not that you *can't* stop over-eating on weekends, can't get back into a workout routine, etc. (You've done some of it before; other people do those things, so you can too.) It's just that so far, you haven't figured out exactly *how* to do it. Keep working on it, keep chipping away: You'll figure out the whys, and the hows, if you mentally commit to "I haven't found the right approach yet" rather than "I can't".

Ahoy_m8 is right: Slow loss works. I've been losing a few vanity pounds ridiculously slowly, by intention (calorie banking along the way, also BTW). It's been almost completely painless. My effective deficit has been somewhere around 100-150 calories daily. Over about 16 months, I'm down around 15 pounds. It's almost absurdly slow, but it's one perfectly reasonable strategy for someone who has relatively little weight to lose. A 100 calorie daily deficit, steadily, is around 10 pounds of weight loss in a year. Better than zero loss, let alone gain . . . and pretty darned easy to live with.

Best wishes!

serapel

Don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of your weight is determined by genetics. I am a turning 50 year old ecto-meso so I'm always pretty lean and muscular without much effort.

I will say that binging is something I understand well. I find that when I need to diet for a bit (after breastfeeding, etc.), I only cut my maintenance calories by 300 calories a day and lose about 0.5 lbs per week. The first 2 weeks are the hardest and then I get used to eating a bit less.

I also find I eat less if I only eat 8 hours out of the day. 12 - 8. I also begin my day with a protein shake at noon with peanut butter and almond milk with ice in a blender.

Don't give up and keep trying different things. If genetics are not on your side, then forgive yourself if weight loss is not as easy for you.

fitstrongfitlove

I think everyone replied really astutely and I don't have much to add.

I will say that I have been trying unsuccessfully to loose weight for about 4 years. I am now finally loosing weight.

What's different is that I have had to address my stress and stress response levels. I have had to learn how to take care of myself and be true to myself in a very deep and real way. It's been a long road of broken commitments to myself and intense frustration/shame. Even so, I persevered and have learned to be content with tiny victories.

Speakeasy76

I was a serial restrict/binge-eater, too. It got really bad in my early-mid twenties, enough that I sought out counseling for it and even attended Overeaters Anonymous meetings. I agree with those you have said to stop focusing on weight loss and restricting calories, and focus on establishing a healthy relationship with food. Once I stopped restricting intake or worrying about calorie/point counting, not-so-miraculously the binging stopped. In your case, however, you may just need to up your daily intake (certainly up from 1200) to lose more slowly.

I didn't gain a ginormous amount of weight( though was still overweight), and have been able to lose weight in a healthy manner. I started focusing on eating for health vs. eating for weight loss, as well as exercising to be strong and healthy, not necessarily to look a certain way (although those are nice bonuses). I also became ok with losing to the point of being at the higher end of the healthy BMI range for my height, and truly accepting this was a life-long deal, not a quick fix.

If you do decide to track on MFP, you can track just for the purposes of being aware of what you eat, not with the purposes of losing weight or restricting your intake. A year ago, I decided I wanted to see if I could *finally* lose about 8 pounds by going back on MFP. I know that by tracking and restricting, I can become obsessive, which can lead to binges. So, I just started by tracking my intake, and then after I was successful, decided to cut 250 calories a day. It took me about 5 months to reach my goal, and as of this morning I'm actually 3 pounds less than that.

One thing I've realized about myself is that I often used binging to get rid of uncomfortable feelings, even if I didn't always know what those feelings were. It's been important for me to recognize those feelings and be ok just sitting with them for a bit.

mfpphoenixx

Do you know your RMR? That is basically what you burn normally daily with normal activity and not including exercise etc. That is a starting point to need to figure out to calculate a good deficit. You might not be eating enough and that will complicate things. You might be restricting too much if you feel ravenous and starving and need to eat a lot. Also there is something that I struggled with for a long time and had no idea is was a thing. I was finally diagnosed with something called binge eating disorder. I did a lot of research and found a medication that significantly improved things. I was always just relying on willpower and constantly failing and felt horrible and blamed myself. But it was more than self soothing or stress eating. Hope this helps!