Back after BMI meltdown - feeling very down

ladyoftherocks

Note: I want to mention I'm aware that lots of people are here to lose a lot more weight than I am, and anything negative I'm saying applies only to my own self-perception.

I've been here a few times before, but this is the first time I really NEED to be here. I went to the doctor last week for the first time in 3 years. My weight was pretty much maintained from the last time, and my doctor didn't mention it.

At the end of my appointment, I was given a printout that I looked at in my car with my vitals including BMI. I was NOT under the illusion that I'm skinny - I've definitely had body image issues and saw my sizes go up, but I was really shocked to find out that I was on the high end of the "overweight" BMI range, and I guess had been for those 3 years!

I'm really trying to be motivated instead of going back into anxiety and depression. Thankfully I have a great therapist, who is helping me to punish myself less for my previous inaction, and tells me I am now in a much better spot mentally to make a lifestyle change.

Despite that I'm still really struggling and obsessing and googling and looking at old photos where I was thin and other things to torture myself. I really want to stop and accept my current body while also trying to lose weight, because I think getting bogged down in self-hatred and anxiety ends up harming and not helping overall, especially when I see how long it takes to lose weight in a healthy way and feel like it will never happen.

I have made a few small steps and am committing to drinking less and using my lunch breaks to take walks.

I want to start using this again since it seems like calorie counting is really the only sure-fire way to go, but I'm also a little wary about myself getting too obsessive.

Another struggle I have with calorie counting is that I do lots of cooking from scratch and use a lot of ingredients. Last time, I got so frustrated I almost felt like only eating prepackaged food even though it's actually less nutritious just to save me the headache of the calculations.

If anyone has advice or motivation I'd appreciate it, I could really use some support.

PS: I'm pretty mad that my doctor never mentioned my weight/overweight BMI, especially if I was getting a printout of it. Maybe it's because I am otherwise in good health (no concerning numbers in any blood/urine tests), but I still think it warrants a mention???? She also dismissed my concerns when I started gaining weight several years ago. At least 20 lbs ago, I had said I was concerned because I gained rapidly and she checked my chart, said something like oh I didn't notice because you look good and said to "wear it proud." I am going to get a new doctor.

Shy_Yogi

Welcome to mfp! I wish you the best of luck! My doctor never mentions my weight. Back when I was in my 20's, if I even gained 5lbs, my doctor would give me a hard time about the weight gain. As I got older, the doctors stopped talking to me about my weight. Idk if it's because of my age (53) or if they (doctors as a whole) are a little more sensitive than they were 30 years ago. You can always use a recipe analyzer that will help determine how many calories in a serving. There are several out there...just google "recipe calorie calculator". Good luck to you!!!

wunderkindking

I was obese in late August. I knew I was fat. I did not know I was THAT fat and it shook the heck out of me.

Today I am officially in the (high end of) normal on those charts.

Honestly, I think taking some time to just FEEL your emotional reaction and move through it is probably a better idea than panic starting something while you're unhappy and inclined to punish yourself.

I took a couple of weeks to just... log my food and look honestly at what I was doing, without trying to change anything. Nothing rigid as precise weighing but estimates and amounts, yeah. Because I was delusional and believed I ate fine. I needed to either prove or disprove that to myself and find out what was up.

What was up was that my overall diet was fine but I drank WAY too many milk calories, used a LOT of calories in condiments (no joke, you include sugar/cream in coffee, salad dressing, mayo and butter and I hit 1000 calories of JUST THOSE a couple of days) and when you added those to the occasional blow out 'treat' or meal and well-

Yeah. Way high.

Also found out I was getting about 12 grams of protein a day which is ASININE.

Then I started with the easy stuff. I ONLY tracked for protein and ignored the rest of my macros and EVEN MY CALORIES, and I made a lot of little subs on the high calorie condiments/sauces. I switched to unsweetened almond milk. I used stevia instead of sugar in my coffee. I got light margarine. I subbed mustard for most mayo. I found ranch seasoning mixed with non-fat greek yogurt and some almond milk was a much lower calorie option for veggie dipping and bolthouse farm made a lower calorie dressing for salads. Worked vaguely on finding snack substitutes and *experimented* with what worked for me re: satisfaction of cravings.

I let that ride for probably a good 3 months and when all that stuff became normal and I'd found protein options and sources I enjoyed did I even actively try for calorie tracking and restriction. Still experimented on the satisfaction thing and started tracking - in a minor, detatched from emotion way - my daily weight fluctuations re: my period and stress and other factors.

I never cut ANY food out, though I experimented with how much of some i needed to be satisfied and what else might work for a given craving.

It probably took me 5 months and 25 lbs before I was doing it 'for real' and by then I knew what I was doing and I didn't need to do it 'for real' or with any kind of focus. Because it became a background, easy thing and it was just a matter of my weight to catch up to new habits, and also I knew enough not to be stressed by fluctuations or whatever.

So basically, yeah, some people will lose faster and it's taken me 8 months to go from obese to 'normal' but it never... stressed me out.

goal06082021

MFP has a recipe calculator, and recipe builder. I also cook most of what I eat - I weigh my ingredients on a food scale and use the recipe builder. Keep a pad of paper and a pen next to the scale and write down your quantities as you prepare them, then go to your computer/the app and enter the ingredients later - you don't have to be entering the recipe in real-time. The only calculations I need to do are subtraction and division, which (1) aren't even hard to do longhand - hell, division is just fast subtraction - but (2) I do in fact carry a calculator in my pocket at all times, despite the admonitions of my fifth-grade math teacher, so even if I didn't want to do them longhand I can just let my robot butler do the math for me.

swan57

I am coming back to MFP after being off for 2 years due to sickness (had 5 emergency surgeries). I lost 100 lbs on MFP & being so sick but I am healthy now and a little weight is back on. I want to lose 20 more lbs to reach my goal and I know these last 20 will be the hardest to lose but I am determined to do it. Will be looking to you all for support and I will be supportive as well. Good luck luck everyone!

ladyoftherocks

@wunderkindking Thank you so much for your advice! I agree it would probably not be so helpful if I start going nuts out of panic. I am cutting down alcohol already, but I had intended to do that anyway for non-weight related reasons. I'm doing the just tracking my normal food thing now, I've only logged my coffee and am already shocked. I hadn't realized how much creamer I put in just one cup. I'm going to have to force myself to like it a little less creamy or go back to drinking tea lol. Part of why I never thought I would get to this point is that I always imagined that you only did if you were eating a lot of snacks and fast food or desserts and things like that, which I really don't but I'm now noticing that even though I cook mostly "healthy" I probably am eating too big portions and I'm already dreading seeing how much oil I probably use. Trying to turn this into a positive but it is so hard.

g2renew

@ladyoftherocks Tracking has been a big help to me. Like @wunderkindking -finding out what I was really eating/drinking, then concentrating on making improvements, has been very helpful. MFP is a really easy tool for this. Only thing I can add, is be kind to yourself. For me (an 'all or nothing' sort of girl), that required a change in mindset. I am not trying to lose more than a pound a week, so I don't have that sense of immediate 'lose it all now!' thing I used to have when 'dieting'. This is a life choice, not just a 'fast fix' for me.. I am delighted losing more than 1 lb per week, but my goal is to make each week better than before-in macros, calories, weight. Even if it is only a little improvement, it is still going forward. If one week, I appear to go 'backward', i do not chuck it all and think I have failed. I realize that it is the overall trend that matters, and press on. I have also set mini goals that I acknowldege-a pound a week, more than a pound a week, every five pounds lost, every ten pounds lost. I also acknowledge improvements in the tape measure and clothes fit. So, this go around, it feels like I get a lot of things to celebrate and often! I know it has been said so many times before, but we didn't get here overnight. we wont get to our goal overnight either. I am 20lbs lighter than I was last year in body weight and a whole bunch lighter mentally regarding how I look at my journey towards getting healthier/slimmer. Best wishes.

g2renew

Re: coffee and creamer-I, too, take my coffee 'white'. Using unsweetened almond milk (30 cal per cup!) gives me the taste I like, but sometimes I miss the 'mouthfeel' that real cream gives. So sometimes I make the majority with almond milk, then add one serving of cream. Other times, I add a healthy fat-flaxseed oil or a little real unsalted butter, when that happens. Flaxseed oil has 120 cal per Tbsp, but is full of good things-like omega 3. And I only need a little for the mouth feel. It adds a little nutty flavor, too.

Recipes will get easier the more you do the tracking! Interesting side note: Ever watch TV chefs use what they are calling 'a little' oil? It looks like a quarter cup or so. But when you read the recipe, it calls for a Tbsp! FYI: 1Tbsp is 1/16 of a cup. For those of us who relate 'visually', it is easy for us to emulate what we 'see' them do, rather than what they 'say'.

As I get older, I find that protein consumption is important for me and that I seem to be very sensitive to the white, and refined foods. So more green, leafy and veg for me with plenty of protein is key. Dead minimum on protein is .36g per lb (~62g). My daily goal is double that, but somedays I struggle to get to 50g. I keep my fats healthy and don't worry so much about them.

ladyoftherocks

@g2renew thanks for all the tips! I'll definitely try the almond milk, I used to use it a long time ago when I had stomach issues. Frustratingly, my overall health improving due to finding good meds (I used to have terrible migraines and stomach issues to go along with my anxiety and depression) definitely has been a contributor to weight gain. I used to only drink tea because caffeine gave me headaches, so no creamer. There were tons of things I couldn't eat or I'd get very sick, or I couldn't eat much in one serving. Overall I feel much better and know that I need to stick to the meds but on bad days I almost want to be sick again.

katymad513

I understand how you feel and I can relate to your self image anxiety and depression. I'm here for you and you can do this. We can do this together. I lost 70lbs like 5 years ago doing this app and gained it all back and here I am again trying for idk how many times. Im mentally ready this time. We have power in our words and someone once told me to look in the mirror everyday and say I'm losing weight today. It really does help with how you feel about yourself and your mindset. What we think and speak out loud about ourselves has power! Hope you try it and also never give up!

Annie42019

I too ate mostly healthy before so I wasn’t one of those people who had a reason to change ( or could be helped by changing) what they ate. I had to change how much. Oils are a calorie monster. You do have to measure those carefully. And likely cut back. But calculating calories really is pretty simple. Your phone has a calculator and you can track everything on the app. Post here what you find most difficult to track.

I lost 70 pound in 10 months. For me I HAD to lose it fast for it to work for me psychologically. I lost another 5 pretty slowly after that and have maintained for almost 3 years. I’m old too (60 now). You can do it!

annliz23

You can do it!

Jessbarton81

I do this same routine with the panic response to suddenly realizing I let my health slip way more than I realized. The BMI thing is tragic and I don’t love it, but I feel way more I control of monitoring my progress with my “smart scale” it tells me everything not just my weight and since my body fat percentage and BMI are more important to me than my actual weight it really helps. Mine was $30 on Amazon and it’s great! Good luck! I’m glad there are therapists out there to work with people struggling with this kind of thing because it’s really hard.

vibegirl

@ladyoftherocks & @g2renew I was in same boat! I switched to unsweetened vanilla coconut milk...much creamier than almond milk and no aftertaste (I found the almond milk kind of interfered with the taste) 3 TBSP about 8 calories! Worth a try...

g2renew

@ vibegirl Thanks! I go to grocers soon and will try this!