Insecure about being a buff guy

FiberousJ

So I've actually been losing a lot of weight for the last year and a half, basically ever since the pandemic started. I admit I am a pretty broad, strong guy. But because I've lost some size (and some muscle), I'm now able to wear better-looking, slimmer clothes from Banana Republic. I know longer need to go to the Big and Tall Store to get shirts. It feels good to be in smaller clothes.

But now that I'm wearing better clothes, my muscles are showing more. People are starting to notice. One guy on Zoom said, ''You're looking, good man. You're all buffed up, in great cardiovascular shape, great clothes. I'm not messing with you.''

I get a little bit insecure about having muscle weight. Actually, I've lost some muscle when I look at my before and after pictures. But again, because I'm able to wear smaller clothes, my muscles show more. Here is the problem. When I gained weight in the past, people noticed I got bigger. Sometimes they never admitted it and instead, they say I'm looking really buff and bulky. Maybe they were just being nice, I don't know.

So whenever I gain weight, people say I'm getting bigger, getting buffer. But when I lose weight, they also say the same thing. At times I'll try to explain that I lost weight and didn't get bigger and they'll just respond and say, ''Well I wanna get bigger like you, whatever you're doing.''

So the problem is when someone calls me ''Big guy'' or asks me if I've been working out when what I've really been doing is leaning out... their words confuse me. I start to wonder if they meant I gained weight when they say, ''You're looking strong.'' The reason is that in the past when I have gained weight, they also said something similar, so it's hard to read people.

Another reason I'm insecure about being a buff guy is that it's not so friendly for you on the BMI scale. My shoulders are naturally twice as wide as some of my friends. I'm telling you, I'm an exception. I'm not saying I don't have some more weight to lose, but I'm never likely to be in the skinny or even normal BMI range. When I was younger, I loved being a strong guy. Even when I lose muscle, people think I'm looking bigger because I'm able to wear normal clothes again and my muscles show more.

MaltedTea

There's so much to unpack here 😱 lol

First off, kudos for working on yourself physically as well as addressing your headspace.

The words other people use for you do not have to be (nor are they often) the words you use for yourself. And even if there's some overlap between the two, try internalizing what's constructive. Like, what are you willing and able to work on based on your feedback or the feedback of others?

My issue with the retelling of your experiences is that the general population doesn't really have a healthy vocabulary. So "buff" or "big" can mean a wide range of things depending on the person and context. It sounds like the intention is to compliment yet you're receiving the message negatively

And not to go on a long post but there's no such thing as "normal clothes." 🤷🏿‍♀️ May there be a hug or three in your future today. You're doing better than you think. Don't let your head trip you up, friend!

robertw486

Just be who you want to be. People often judge... that's what some people do. They will have something to say regardless most of the time, unless you fit their mold of who you should be.

ninerbuff

The one great thing about NGAF about others opinions, is that you get no stress and that insecurity isn't an issue. Who cares what others think? Just do you. Live up to your own expectations. Because if you thought you were spot on perfect, those same people would find a flaw.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Diatonic12

"Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn't shift based on the actions of someone else. Don't allow others to control the direction of your life. Don't allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence." Morgan Freeman


Do everything on your own terms.