Getting over/ past the bad motivators

iam4scuba

I'm starting to lose weight again for the first time since COVID. I was actually on a great streak right when COVID hit. I had lost about 25 lbs over the course of a month or month and a half, and it was going really well. Then they shut down my gym literally as I was driving there after going every day for a month and everything just collapsed, and I put all the weight back on (though at least didn't go higher).

Anyway, since the new guidance was issued I started going to the gym again. I'm on another streak again (motivation isn't really my problem) and things are going well. But this time, I feel like I'm motivated by extrinsic factors. I feel like I'm seeing people treat me differently because I'm fat, and that's what's motivating me. (And I didn't even have this thought until I started working out again, so it seems weird that it came up now).

People seem to always say you should motivate yourself by how you feel, and external motivators lead to lack of success. But how do you change what's motivating you?

Is this a sign of impending failure? Can anyone else relate? Is there any way to change this?

MaltedTea

In the past have you changed your mind about anything else?

If so, what was the process for you then and how can you apply it beneficially to this situation?

goal06082021

Whatever you were doing to lose 25 lbs in a month was never going to be sustainable for you. That's 4-5 lbs per week, which is unsafe for anyone to do long-term and only kind of safe for the sort of people you see on My 600 Lb Life, where staying as big as they are is more immediately harmful than the crash dieting/excessive cardio required to drop weight so fast.

On the subject of motivation, you can't really pick what things motivate you. Motivation is only half the battle, anyway - the key to success is discipline, doing the thing even when you don't want to. If you want to be in the gym putting in the work, it'll be easy to get in there and do it - even if your reason for wanting to isn't, let's say, the most wholesome. What matters is what you do when you *don't* want to do that. Do you put on your gym shoes and go anyway, or tell yourself you'll get back in there tomorrow? You can grumble and cuss and scowl the whole way through your workout if that's how you feel; as long as you do, in fact, work out, then you're still making progress.

iam4scuba

MaltedTea wrote: »

In the past have you changed your mind about anything else?

If so, what was the process for you then and how can you apply it beneficially to this situation?

Thanks, I'm a pretty analytical person, so I change my mind when someone can prove to me that my position is wrong. But that doesn't really apply to feelings I don't think.

iam4scuba

goal06082021 wrote: »

Whatever you were doing to lose 25 lbs in a month was never going to be sustainable for you. That's 4-5 lbs per week, which is unsafe for anyone to do long-term and only kind of safe for the sort of people you see on My 600 Lb Life, where staying as big as they are is more immediately harmful than the crash dieting/excessive cardio required to drop weight so fast.

On the subject of motivation, you can't really pick what things motivate you. Motivation is only half the battle, anyway - the key to success is discipline, doing the thing even when you don't want to. If you want to be in the gym putting in the work, it'll be easy to get in there and do it - even if your reason for wanting to isn't, let's say, the most wholesome. What matters is what you do when you *don't* want to do that. Do you put on your gym shoes and go anyway, or tell yourself you'll get back in there tomorrow? You can grumble and cuss and scowl the whole way through your workout if that's how you feel; as long as you do, in fact, work out, then you're still making progress.

I wasn't tracking my weight super closely, but from my understanding the 2 lbs/wk thing doesn't really apply to the first month or so. I cut out alcohol and just started eating healthy, so I was still eating a lot and getting full, the weight loss just kind of happened. I also don't remember exactly what weight I started at and what I got down to, or precisely when I started eating better (though I do know I started working out exactly 1 month before the shutdown because of my gym checkins).

Thanks for that on the motivation, I have just read so many studies about motivation (related and unrelated to weight loss) and they all just say "this method of motivation doesn't work", to which I think, well *kitten*, that's what is motivating me. I want to have the right kind of motivation so I can continue. As you put it, it matters whether I'll continue doing something in the future, and I don't know if I will, but I want to set myself up for success so to speak.

NovusDies

iam4scuba wrote: »

MaltedTea wrote: »

In the past have you changed your mind about anything else?

If so, what was the process for you then and how can you apply it beneficially to this situation?

Thanks, I'm a pretty analytical person, so I change my mind when someone can prove to me that my position is wrong. But that doesn't really apply to feelings I don't think.

Feelings can be helpful or unhelpful. They can be derived from lies and habits. They can easily be proven wrong. You have certainly been in a conversation with someone that you felt was being negative towards you and after probing you found out it was not their intent and you were wrong.

It would be better for motivation not to be cultivated and be replaced by discipline and habit change.

Motivation is a choir. You are always motivated but you are not always motivated to do things that are beneficial to your goals. When you are motivated to exercise it is like the exercise singer has taken the microphone and is in front of the choir singing the most prominently. It is nice when that happens. However, the motivation to sit on the couch is still there you just can't hear it singing as well. The problem will always be that eventually the couch singer is the one in front and you have to use discipline to ignore it and keep moving forward.

Lhenderson923

Relying on external motivation can work great while losing, but will do pretty much nothing for you when you transition to maintaining. People will stop commenting on your weight loss, and you’ll stop noticing the differences in the way that people interact with you because it has become the norm. To me, this is why it’s important not to rely on motivation (internal or external) for the long haul. You can’t really change what motivates you to do something, but you also don’t necessarily need motivation to do something. Discipline is key.

AnnPT77

iam4scuba wrote: »

MaltedTea wrote: »

In the past have you changed your mind about anything else?

If so, what was the process for you then and how can you apply it beneficially to this situation?

Thanks, I'm a pretty analytical person, so I change my mind when someone can prove to me that my position is wrong. But that doesn't really apply to feelings I don't think.

Grooved-in habits > motivation for long-term success, IMO (though maybe that's just me, since so much of this stuff is very individualized 🤷‍♀️). I can't rely on discipline, because frankly that's not my long suit, either. During weight loss, I focused on experimenting with new habits that I felt I could sustain permanently to stay at a healthy weight long term. My general rule was to do nothing to lose weight - other than a sensibly moderate calorie deficit - that I wasn't willing to continue long-term. I'm in year 5+ of maintaining at a healthy weight, so that worked well for me. (I'm not saying it's the only way for everyone . . . but it suited me.)

I quoted the above to say this:

Maybe it's just me, because I'm a very analytic person and not very emotion-driven by nature, but I think it's possible to change feelings, too. I think it's possible to affect feelings in two ways: One is by using sort of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques to interrogate the basis of the feelings and maybe revise them; the other is to behave "as if" and let behavior gradually change feelings and reinforce new ones.

Cheesy567

Try small, sustainable habit changes one at a time. Habits that you can live with for the rest of your life, come he’ll or high water, pandemic or not, gym or not. You’ll need those habits to lose the weight, but more importantly, to maintain that weightloss lifelong. The maintenance is the goal, not the loss. The loss is just the first step.

Each habit will be a baby step in the weightloss. Add them slowly, one at a time, until it’s easy. Then add another. You won’t need as much motivation that way.

Think additively, not restrictively. Add in healthy foods you like. Add in activity you like.

There’s a podcast called HalfSize Me that focuses on habit-based sustainable weightloss. It really changed my outlook and my success. Instead of regaining when life throws curveballs, I go into maintenance and just wait until I can focus on losing again. So much easier when you know what habits will work for you, and which don’t.

Beverly2Hansen

What motivates us is what motivates us. I didn't do well doing it for me. However when I started exercising and dieting to send my hubby hotter nudes at work BAM I was REALLY motivated or at least I had a strong enough reason to stay disciplined. Sometimes outside inputs is what does it for us. I have heard many power lifters say I lift to look hot doing my significant other or for comp photos. It doesn't always need to for health. Sometimes health is a motivator too. I have health conditions that staying in shape help manage but I think consistency is key. Pick a healthy sustainable loss for me that is 7lbs per month and keep working towards that goal.🙂